Failing Marriage and Depression

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Keli927
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 122
   Posted 6/30/2008 1:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi - has anyone here gone through a divorce? My marriage is going to end soon and I am so depressed. I feel like a failure and unloved. I just dont know where it all went wrong? And Im not sure how I am going to make it on my own. I have an 8 month old son too. My husband and I just dont get along anymore. we fight constantly and have been in marital counseling for several months now - but its just not getting better. It did for a few weeks where I changed my way of talking to him - became more self assertive and tried not to get angry so much when he did things that hurt me - but then this past weekend it just went all downhill. He continues to talk to me like he always does (he hasnt really tried to change) and I found myself getting angry and then the fights started. He constantly puts me down and tells me what to do. I feel like I dont have a life anymore. Since having my son Ive become a stay at home mom and if I dont do enough during the day my husband gets mad (like housework) - he thinks I should always be constantly working and doesnt understand how hard it is to take care of a baby. Anyway he told me last night he wants it to be over. We were supposed to go on a family trip this weekend with his family and he's cancelling it. So now their weekend is going to be ruined too. I feel like everything is ruined. Sometimes I feel like everyone would be better off if I wasnt around. I wish I had never married him in the first place. I know then I wouldnt have my son - but what kind of life is he going to have now? I had divorced parents and stepparents and stepsiblings and I hated it. I never really had a family really. Just my mom and grandmom and now that my grandmas gone I just have my mom. And she's moving away soon too. So then I'll be all alone. I just want my son to have what I never had - a loving family. why couldnt I have just been able to provide that to my son? I screwed up his life as well as my own. How can I get through this? I go to a therapist and Im on zoloft for anxiety. But Im still so depressed all the time. I feel like its never going to get any better. Thanks for listening. I really dont have anyone to talk too.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40588
   Posted 6/30/2008 1:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Keli,

I am so sorry that you are going through this right now. It must be so painful.

Why do you think that you are the one at fault. I don't think that it sounds that way. It sounds like he is very controlling and posessive. You will make it on your own. There is all kinds of help out there for single moms. Use the system. Anybody else would.

Keep posting, we are here for you. We will give you the best advice that we can. I am glad that you are going through counseling at this time. It is your support along with us.

Keep your chin up, we are here,
hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


momto3
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1331
   Posted 6/30/2008 2:08 PM (GMT -7)   

I'm divorced and remarried but I have been where you are to a certain degree.  For me, I married young at 18 (he was 24) and after 10 years of marriage and three children, I was also in a controlling relationship.  He was never physically abusive but he yelled a lot and would punch holes in doors and walls, I guess instead of hitting me is how he rationalized it.  Finally at 28, I had had enough and I left, and it took a long time to get through it and it was really difficult for my boys.who were 5 and 7 at the time.  My daughter is the most well adjusted since she doesn't remember the chaos, and was barely 3 at the time.

It doesn't sound like it is your fault!! I'm sorry you feel so alone and its hard when you feel you don't have anyone to talk to, I have been where you are..and it does get better.  Please do what is best for you and your and your son, and depending on his age counseling is an option for him as well.

 

Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 6/30/2008 2:34 PM (GMT -7)   

Keli, I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time.  It doesn't sound like your fault. Keep up with your couseling - it really helps.  I went thru a similar situation 25 yrs ago.  My ex left me with a 9 mo. old and 5 yr old.  We had been married 15 yrs. First and foremost find out as much as you can about his finances so you don't end up in a bad situation.  Also, I don't know where you live but no matter where, he owes you at the least child support until your son is 18 yrs. old.  If he doesn't hold up this bargain you can have his wages garnished. In my state you can be put in jail for failure to pay child support.  I went to couseling and came out of my divorce and have gone on to a pretty good life. My ex remarried and we had some difficult years but we finally said we needed to do the best we could for the sake of our children.  Now we get along very well and he has been good to my boys.  It is so important to your son that his father remain in his life. Children are resiliant and can handle two households if you both try to make it work. Is it possible for your Mom to stay with you and help out right now?  Family support is very beneficial.  I wish I could help you more but keep posting and let us know how you are doing.  We all care about one another.  If you post I will answer and do what I can to support you.  Take good care of yourself.

Aurora


bellski
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 499
   Posted 6/30/2008 4:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Keli, I 'm so sorry, my heart breaks for you. Just hang in there. When we go through trials, we get stronger. Everything will be O.K. You need to take one day at a time and plan your future. Divorce recorery groups at churches can be so helpful. It is like free therapy, they usually have child care available, you can network with people and there can be a lot of help and you may even meet some new friends or a new spouse there someday. Just hang in there. Seek out help where you can. I'll keep you in my prayers, you will be O.K. Don't give up, your son needs you. Bellski
Lori (Bellski)-age 43 from Illinois
Diagnosed February 2008 with Ulcerative Proctitis,
Currently: mild symptoms / flare ?
Medications:  Asacol 400mg X 6, Cymbalta 20 mg X 1,         Canasax X 2 Vitamins:  Calcium 600 + D X 2, Centrum, Citrucel caplets, Probiotics
High fiber diet
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1,000Tears
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 6/30/2008 4:17 PM (GMT -7)   

Keli many hugs to u :)  Im so sorry u are going through this.  Just knoiw God has a plan for your life and even though it may seem dark now your tears will turn into joy.  Just keep believing things will get better.  You are strong so please hold on

-Lisa


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 7/1/2008 4:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Keli

Divorce is hard for everyone that it involves. I thought I would never get through it
You have to take one day at a time,solve one "divorce Problem" at a time,and remember that you deserve to be happy.

The days will get better...please keep us updated on how you are doing.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.

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