I haven't posted here in awhile. I wanted to update you on how I'm doing and tell you what I'm confused about
. I have been working at my new job at the eye doctor's office (just for the summer) and I like it. I am going back to school studying to be an eye doctor end of July. I'm just scared I'm going to fail a class again. I'm terrified. I want to go back but I'm just scared. I'm having second thoughts about
going back but being an eye doctor is something I really want to do.
Secondly, my ex-bf and I are friends again. But it seems like we talk about
s** too much. Sometimes I initiate talking like that and sometimes he initiates it. Sometimes he asks me for pictures. I don't send pictures anymore because I feel bad doing that stuff since he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me again. I told him if we could just be friends without talking about
s** and he said that was fine. But however sometimes at night before I go to sleep, I find myself wanting him to be laying next to me and have an urge to either call and text him.. and the topic usually comes up since one of us ends up feeling excited at the time. I don't know what to do. There is still a part of me that loves him and if he wanted to get back together with me I would consider it. I think I can find a better guy (so do my friends) but I enjoy being his friend. I want to be his friend without talking about
that topic but it's hard for me since I'm still attracted to him. My counselor thinks he's taking advantage of me but I don't think he is since we're both attracted to each other. He is the one who doesn't want a relationship with me again though because of how I broke up with him 3 yrs ago since my parents did not like him. We have been friends with benefits since I broke up with him though. Now he lives in another state since we don't go to college anymore. We are in different grad schools. We both have not been in serious relationships since the breakup. However he's told me he's been in physical relationships with some other girls since the break up as have I. I got jealous after he told me that (which I know I shouldn't have since I'm his ex). I did not tell him I was jealous though. I don't want him taking advantage of me. My counselor thinks I should not talk about
that topic with him even if he wants to but I find myself some nights just missing him and wanting him there with me and I start talking like that. What can I do so that I won't be "vulnerable" (my counselor thinks) Any suggestions?
Also, last week I had one pita chip before dinner and my dad started yelling at me telling me not to eat. I only had 1 and told him Dad it was just 1. He still got mad and said "LOOK AT THAT" and touched my stomach. I got SOO ANGRY I ran upstairs started yelling at him and crying. I didn't talk to him for 2 days. I have lost 9 lbs since March but it's still not good enough for my parents. I'm 5'5 and 145 lbs. They think I'm overweight. I'm shy to eat in front of them. My counselor says that my dad is emotionally abusive to me but I don't know. What to you think?
Post Edited (confusedgirl22) : 7/1/2008 5:44:14 PM (GMT-6)