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New Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 7/2/2008 8:38 PM (GMT -6)   
hi everyone im new. im 23 and ive been struggleing with depression for 6 years now. it started when my parents got divorced and my dad married a crazy psycho lady and my mom became gay. i didnt start with counseling and medication until i was 20. when i was in high school i never really thought that what i was feeling was depression but looking back now it clearly was. ive been through many councelors and types of medication but nothing seems to be working. some days its good some days its bad, but really i just feel like its this disease that seeps through my body and and will never really go away. i constantly feel as though ill never truly be happy no matter what happens. at this point in my life i no longer believe in god. too many things have gone wrong for me to believe that there is really someone looking out for me. i feel like most of the time i cant really talk to anyone about this because they will never truly understand. i feel alone which is why i have come here i guess. ive never really done this before but i just dont know what to do anymore, i cant continue to live my life this way. i dont know who i am anymore and i feel as though im merely going through the motions, not really living.
back when i was in high school i had a clear reason for my depression, but now i simply have nothing to be unhappy about which is why i cant understand why i feel so horrible. sometimes i feel as though everything  would be better if i could just disappear. ive thought this many times, but my saving grace is the fact that i am horribly afraid of dying. So afraid that thinking about it gives me a panic attack. anyway, you all seem very caring and supportive and willing to listen so i thought that id let some things out and see if anyone can help. i just dont know what to do anymore....

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40386
   Posted 7/3/2008 1:25 AM (GMT -6)   
Welcome to HW Koda23,

The members here are very caring and supportive, you are right about that. I think that you will find that you have come to a good place. Continue with your medications and with the counseling. That is what the most of us do. We all have ups and downs so we truly understand where you are coming from.

So keep posting and we will be here for you in every way that we can.

I hope that you start feeling better soon.

hugs, Karen...
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 7/3/2008 4:08 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi there and Welcome to HealingWell,

Im glad that you have found us here. We are all very caring and we are almost like an internet family!

Im wondering if your depression is still being caused by the divorce etc... and its something that was never really dealt with by the councillors. Perhaps Clinical Hypnotherapy is a possibility for you?


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
Help support the forums so we can support you:

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 7/3/2008 6:05 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Koda

I too wanted to welcome you to the forum,we are very glad that you found us.

Wow,you have been through alot in your life. Divorce is hard on everyone involved,and it sounds like you have not gotten over that yet,along with everything else that has happened in your life.

I really think that you need to get back into counseling. You don't want to be unhappy all of the time.
And in order to beat the depression you have to deal with what caused it.

Give med and therapy another chance,what else do you have to loose?

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.

I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 4083
   Posted 7/5/2008 8:46 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Koda
I can emphazise with your depression, and some of things you feel, like everything would be better without me, i feel that alot. But i do belive in God, even tho I have had many trials and tribulations in my life, not a good childhood. In a marriage where i dont think im needed becasue of my illnesses, but i have to keep on trying, like someone said what have you got to loose, i fgure getting therapy and med help is worth a try and is helping some, not perfectly, but i dont ever expect it to be perfect, but maybe a happy medium.
You  have many people here that will listen, that understand and heve been there. My parents were divored before i was ever born, my mom gave me up for adotion, but 15 months later changed her mind and got me back. i wish she left me with the adoptive paretns, i felt I would have had a better life with them, and i would been bicultural, they were spanish, i look nothing like spanish, i was bonde and blue eyes, but they really wanted me. There many many things that have goneon in my life that i am trying to et go of as an adult now I cant dwell onthe past its there. But it can stay there, meds and therpy does help alot.
Please keep posting it does help you feel better. we willlisten and you can vent....
God Bless,and have a Great Day!!.......Love.....Sheryl
xcema,hypermobile,Chronic Bronchitus,Fatigue,Positive ANAFibro-05--Had surgery on left & right knees 06, Interstial Cystitis-06 Spondlylosis/Disc Degernation Disease severe arthitis lower back -08,implantedInterstim-06 hysterectomy & IBS-06 Arthiritus-04 Depression-04GERDS/ Hiatial hernia -07   Anxiety-07 Gastroparesis-08--Occasional Migraines
 Reglan,Protonix,Prozac,Wellbutrin,Erthomyicin,klonipin,occasional phernergan, loratab, zanaflex  marrried 2 children, 1 with mild autism, Bipolar(8),  Abilify, Buspar, Celexa Son(13) is bipolarw/migraines, Topamax, ZantacGod plz grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..." Plz help HW to help others by donating:

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/5/2008 6:03 PM (GMT -6)   

Welcome! Koda!

You've found a safe, caring , and reliable support community for people battling Depression. We have many members here who will be glad to lend an ear, offer information, and provide support for people who need it.

IMHO I feel you may not have resolved the problems from your parents divorce. It sounds like it was very traumatic and I agree you may need more intense therapy to get out your current feelings.  Do feel free to post here you feelings about your parents and where you are at in your life.
Maybe you would like  to share a bit more about yourself, job, hobbies,  etc. We are here 24/7.
Again Welcome

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 7/5/2008 6:29 PM (GMT -6)   
I can tell you have been through alot. I know how that is and Im only 16. My parents havent divorced, yet. I actually wish they would, they hate each other and fight alot. But, I have been through alot even without them knowing. Its like I have been leading a secret life for the last 6 years. I have done alot of things I regret now, and I have gone through alot of different things now and have kept most everything secret. When I first came on here a year ago, I wouldnt talk much. I never talk much anyways. But, I kept everything secret and I didnt feel like I should tell anyone anything. I thought telling people was stupid because they couldnt help me. I was wrong. After a very long time I finally learned to open up more. Its very very difficult for me to do still, but its the best thing ever.

Talking about it is good. And you have come to the right place. We have great listeners here who understand and give great advice. We are all in this together and we do what we can.

I wish alot that I didnt have to go through this and it would be so easy to end everything. I almost did once, and its my biggest regret. Im in this to fight and to win. We can beat this. =]

You know, your lucky. You may not realize it, but I cant go to counseling or try meds to help me. Right now Im not an adult and everything goes through my parents. Which doesnt help me since everything is a secret from them. You have a chance. You should do the counseling and try meds. I would do anything to be able to try everything, but I cant.

We have our ups and downs, but we can get through it. We cant give up. I understand what its like to feel lonely, like Im not really living. But, in reality we are living. We just have to keep fighting. Im not sure if any of this has helped at all, I always wish that I can do more for everyone. But, we are here for you. We will listen. We will do our best to understand, Im sure most of us do understand. But, if you want to talk, we are here for you.

"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."

New Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 7/6/2008 12:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Welcome Koda,
You have come to the right place.  I would like to start with, never, ever, ever, give up your faith in Jesus Christ. He is there.  I have just come to realize that again with what I have had to endure.  I was where you are now, the problems that I took on were of someone elses not my own.  But me, like you, just can't stand to see the ones you love in pain, so we try to step in and take that pain for them.. Koda, that's the Lords job.  You don't have to carry that burden anymore.  I will personally say; it's ok, it's not your job any longer.  You pray to Jesus, you let him know you are just starting out with your life and although you love your family and you want to carry their pain, you just can't. He will carry that for you....Have the faith....
When you love like you do, you can't help but to feel and share the pain, as you have.  But  it seems like the things that you are involved in are not your things, they are of others that you love and care deeply about, and you, with the compassion you are expressing to us, you just can't help yourself to make all well around you.
Sweetie, always remember.  You and only you are responsible for your happiness and wellbeing.  You can love the ones you love, (family and friends), but you need to put you first and we are all here for you.
I pray for your health and I will pray for your return to the Lord and most of all, I pray for your happiness.. You hang in there honey, everything will be ok....
Hugs and kisses,
Always look to your past to better your future

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