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Hello~Kitty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 610
   Posted 7/5/2008 11:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Everyone. I have had one of the worst days of my life today. Of course I wasnt even invited to my own step brother's wedding, I guess they're embarrass of me for reason I dont understand. I stayed home all day crying. And even though they knew I was upset for not being invited they had the nerves to ask me to watch the dogs, which of course I didnt. I'm not a child. So I have decided to block my dad out of my life. I cant take this abuse anymore. I'm moments away from turning myself into a mental institution because my depression has gotten so bad. But last time I did that I ended up leaving feeling way worse then before I went in, so I'm debating big time there. I'm just so tierd, I'm think of putting my kids in a foster home and getting out of this city before things gets much worse. Medications have never helped me, and I have tried ALL of them. I have tried everything, nothing seem to work, i just need to get out of here and start a new life somewhere far away. I'm just so lost right now....what should I do. ANd no there isnt anyone I can talk to, trust me I've tried.

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 7/6/2008 5:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitty


Please go back and reread your post. You are letting your dad's new family take total control of your life,and then talking about putting your kids in foster care?

These people obviously don't care about your feelings at the moment,so why should they be the ones that can decide if you are happy or not?

Your kids have done nothing, and they need their mom.

If these feelings get to bad,you need to get yourself into the ER and now.

Is there anyone else in your life that you can turn too? A close friend or relative that you can talk to?

Please take a deep breath here,and think about all this...are they really worth this?

Are you better off with or without them in your life? In your kid's life?

I think it maybe time to sit down and talk to your dad,he might not even realize how much you are hurting..sometimes parents can overlook that,especially if they are very busy with other things.

Let us know how you are doing.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/6/2008 8:57 AM (GMT -7)   

Kitty,

Hello, this is Kitt and I suspect you are reacting to the situation and are feeling very hurt so the "Stinkin thinkin" thoughts have snuck up on you.

I do not know why your Father is acting this way but I agree with Shy, invite him over and find out what is going on.  BE assertive, tell him when your were excluded from the wedding it made you feel very sad and depressed.  Tell him only how you feel, don't start blaming him...........or it turns into agression and both parties get upset and nothing is accomplished.

You are a wonderful and special person, do not let how other peoples behavior or what they say dictate who you are.  Only you can allow them to hurt you.  Believe in yourself and if your thinking of up-rooting and leaving town do it for the right reasons and take your children with you.

They have done nothing and they would rather be with you then anyone,  you are their Mother.  Love is what they need, the love of a Mother.

You can do this, I know you can. 

Gentle Hugs to you
Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/6/2008 9:51 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Kitty, I agree with shy and Kitt that you should try to talk to your Dad.  Try to get him over to your home without his wife knowing.  Be honest and tell him how you are hurt.  He needs to understand that things can get very hard for you with having medical conditons.  You mentioned you have children.  Are you getting child support to help you with finances?  The father of your children is resposible for supporting them until they are 18.  You can probably go to legal aid to get help with this if he is uncooperative.  You also mentioned the ER that doesn't treat you well. Is there another hospital in your area where you can go or is there a clinic?  Many drug stores now have walk in clinics where you can be seen.  Also, do you have a family service agency where you can get couseling?  You do not want to put your children in foster care.  It would be bad for them as they need you and if you did put them in you might not be able to get them back so I would proceed very cautiously about doing that.  Where is your Mother?  Do you have any other relatives or even one friend who can give a little help.  Please keep posting and let us know what is happening.  You need to do some work on this situation yourself as the problems cannot resolve themselves. Try to take good care of yourself.

Aurora


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/6/2008 10:03 AM (GMT -7)   

Kitty, I had another thought.  If you have chronic pain are you able to apply for SS disability benefits?  You might look into that to see if you can get more financial help. 

Aurora


Hello~Kitty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 610
   Posted 7/6/2008 11:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Well I tried talking to my dad but things just got worse, he threatened to call the police on me cause i have no insuance on my van when in reality my insurance is still good for another 2 months. I dont know what his problem is. HE hates me so much, he took away my cell phone so im stuck with no phone so if i have an emergency I guess I'm SOL, and  ICant get a home line cause I owe too much money on that cause of my ex from 5 years back. I do get disability for chronic pancreatitas and my kids get welfare til they're 18 cause their dad is schzo. I dont know what to do, I feel like everything is falling apart in my life, I cant even get into a doctor's office and thats a complete another story that makes no sence. but thank you for the replies.

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 7/7/2008 3:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitty

I am not sure what is going on with the family,but at some point you do have kids you have to take care of,so therefore I think it is time to limit your time with your father.

Use that time to get your life back in order,and hopefully your father will realize what he has done.

I am very sorry that talking to him did not work out. New families are hard enough to deal with,this is the last thing that you need.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.

Post Edited (ShynSassy) : 7/8/2008 4:57:52 AM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40588
   Posted 7/7/2008 6:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kitty,

Sometimes we do have to seperate ourselves from family to get well. I did, and I was remarkably suprised at how much better I did when I wasn't around them. It is hard, sometimes they need you and you feel like you are abandoning them, but you aren't. I found I was enabling them when I did everything for them. So by staying away, they had to learn to do things for themselves. And I got the freedom that I deserved.

So don't feel bad staying away. It might be the best thing all the way around. And you will be much more happy because they can't put you down or make you feel bad about yourself anymore.

Good luck, and keep posting. You have come to a good place with a lot of kind and caring people.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Hello~Kitty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 610
   Posted 7/7/2008 11:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Well I got an e-mail from my father early htis morning asking me to stay out of his life. I'm not sure exactly what to think of that. I cant stop crying.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40588
   Posted 7/7/2008 12:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Sweetie,

I am so sorry that happened to you. Why would your father be that way?

I hope that you will be okay. My mother told me that many times until she needed something. But that was the way that she was. So I was use to it, though it did hurt. But I did so much for her that it gave me a break. I don't know if your dad is like that, but I know that it still hurts.

Try to relax and not let it get you too down. I am sure that he will come around eventually. But if he is anything like my mother was, you are better off.

Make sure that you use this board to vent if you need to or just to talk about it. We all are here for you.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


hedges_against_the_night
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 45
   Posted 7/7/2008 3:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Hun,
I know how it hurts when a close relative does that. It hurts in a place that you didn't know could hurt with a pain beyond any physical pain. Mayhap this request from your father is a blessing in disguise, as much as it pains me to say it. That's how it was for me. He needs time and soul searching to figure out who and what he stands for. It also gives you time to examine more closely your stance and your base with him.
I don't know where you live, but occasionally there is a county hospital in the area that will allow you to do the intense "hospital therapy" as an outpatient if you have extenuating circumstances (I would certainly say that yours fall into that category.) Should this exist, it may be possible to keep your children with you and still get that therapy. Most places that have that have childcare for while you are in treatment.
Bear in mind that even though things are absolutely horrid at the moment, there are people that will love you no matter what and don't deserve to get the shaft end of the stick: your children. Speaking from experience, please, PLEASE keep them in mind whenever any of the...foul... thoughts may occur.
23 year old female with depression, allergies, and minor anxiety disorder. On Welbutrin and allergy meds.


Hello~Kitty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 610
   Posted 7/7/2008 8:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Everyone. about a few hours ago I got another e-mail from my father stating he wants his couch and love seat back which he gave me a year ago, and then his tv back which he gave me a half a year ago and his bed which he gave me 4 months ago or he's taking me to court, does he have a right to do this?? these where gifts. What should I do????

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 7/8/2008 4:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitty

It sounds like he is basically throwing a fit. I am not sure he would win in court if you can prove it was a gift.
You have a couple of choices,one..is it really worth the fight? If not then just tell him to come get them.
Make sure though when he comes you just don't deal with him at all. Take the kids to the park or something.

If you want to make a point,then tell him that he will have a hard time getting "gifts" back in court and to go for it.

Quite frankly,if he wants to pay court costs, or a possible lawyer he will do it, but I would almost bet that he is just ranting and that he will not do anything about it.

Remember you do not deserve to be treated this way,and maybe you should just stop reading his emails,and block them..then maybe he will get the hint that you are serious about not wanting to deal with this crap.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/8/2008 7:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitty. your Dad is treating you horribly.  If those items were gifts then he has no right to take them back.  If I were you I would call the police and have them stand by so that he cannot force his way into your house.  Can you get your locks changed if he has a key?  You probably need those items for your home.  I wouldn't let him get away with this and like the others said don't look at his emails.  Block them and cancel your email address and get a new one.  I think it would be best to get him out of your life right now.  He sounds very unstable and if you have police protection he most likely will back off.  And I also doubt he will be willing to go to court. also, you can go to court and get an order of protection from him.  If you have legal aid where you are they can help you with this or I think the police can tell you how to get an order of protection from the court.  Let us know what happens.  Just remember he has no right to threaten you.

hedges_against_the_night
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 45
   Posted 7/8/2008 8:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Shy and Aurora have a point. If they were truly gifts, and he knows that, and you have corroborating witnesses (i.e. your children if they were there, friends, etc.), his demand wouldn't stand up in a court of law. I must also agree with cutting out any and all contact, for both your sake and the sake of your children. He does sound highly unstable, and quite possibly like the sort of person who would try and drag them into a fight. I would say get a restraining order, however, depending on where you live those can get expensive ( I know over in Dallas, TX, USA the various fees and lawyer stuff has a going rate of $500). If you cannot afford that (like I said the cost appears to be highly region dependent, and I'm speaking only in terms of the US, I cannot speak for anywhere else), then do as Aurora mentioned and call the cops, see about possibly having watch around your neighborhood beefed up, especially as it seems like itwouldn't be just you he'd cause issues with, but anyone who got in his way. If you can't get that, then talk to any and all friends you may have in that region. Keep them abreast of the situation and set up something to the effect of an "emergency switch" (not it's true name, but close enough) with one of them ( basically an arrangement to contact them by/ at a specified time each day. If this hasn't happened within 'x' hours of when it was supposed to, and they can't reach you, they are to call the cops and say that it's possible your father is involved in your disapppearnace. If the cops are already aware of the situation ( at least the ones that work your area), this will help them immensely in figuring out what has happened.) I know this sounds extreme, I do not intend to scare you. However, if he is as threatening as you make him out to be (and I have no reason to believe otherwise), this a good idea. I've done the "emergency switch" before, both being the caller and the callee. It helped a good friend when an ex was stalking her. Depending on how old your children are, I would also say keep them briefed. Not necessarily knowing the whole ins and outs, but enough to know that Grampa is no longer trustworthy.
Like I said, I know this sounds extreme, but if you trust these friends/ family members, it works beautifully. As for false alarms, believe me, the cops would rather have one or two of those only to find out you're safe than to call a search for a family disturbance diappearance.
23 year old female with depression, allergies, and minor anxiety disorder. On Welbutrin and allergy meds.


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/9/2008 6:26 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi again Kitty,  I think your dad is being threatening.  I also think you can call his bluff.  I don't know him but I suspect he is not going to want to go to court and pay all the costs involved.  If he does not have a lawyer it is likely the judge will look at the complaint and throw out the case. I don't know what your court system is like where you live but where I am from which is a big city no judge would even bother with such a case.  I would not let him take anything and I would not let him in your home.  Make sure you have good locks - worth the money to change them and get dead bolts and chains.  Then I would call the police and just inform them what is going on and if he appears at your door you can call 911.  He sounds like an incredible bully and I think he is trying to scare you.  Change your email, don't answer his calls, don't open your door.  I really am serious about you contacting the police for help with this matter.  You will be on record as having him threatening you.  Take care and keep posting.  You can do it - be strong!

Aurora


sheryl=jk
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 4083
   Posted 7/10/2008 4:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitty I feel so bad reading all the emails, one things for sure tho your kids need you so dont give up on them. You wouod be doing what your father is doing to you. Sounds like he gone crazy.
I too would notfy the police to stand watch if he came by. he has no right to take that back, and it does sound like hes having a fit.
I hope the situation doesnt get any worse. Im with the others block your emails, lock your doors and notify the police.
Please try to hang in there,please keep coming on here an venting we will listen without judgement......
 
God Bless,and have a Great Day!!.......Love.....Sheryl
xcema,hypermobile,Chronic Bronchitus,Fatigue,Positive ANAFibro-05--Had surgery on left & right knees 06, Interstial Cystitis-06 Spondlylosis/Disc Degernation Disease severe arthitis lower back -08,implantedInterstim-06 hysterectomy & IBS-06 Arthiritus-04 Depression-04GERDS/ Hiatial hernia -07   Anxiety-07 Gastroparesis-08--Occasional Migraines
 Reglan,Protonix,Prozac,Wellbutrin,Erthomyicin,klonipin,occasional phernergan, loratab, zanaflex  marrried 2 children, 1 with mild autism, Bipolar(8),  Abilify, Buspar, Celexa Son(13) is bipolarw/migraines, Topamax, ZantacGod plz grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..." Plz help HW to help others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/

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