Have asked this awhile ago but am still wondering if it is possible to achieve hapiness

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Aurora60
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Date Joined Jul 2006
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   Posted 7/11/2008 6:36 PM (GMT -7)   
I seem to have only a few times of hapiness in my life these days.  I am grateful for these occasions but when I was younger it seemed I had years at a time of hapiness.  Is this something that occurs with getting older?  Also, life has just gotten harder as i've gotten older.  I don't think when I was in high school and college I realized how good I had it.  The worst thing I had to do was study and I always had very good grades.  I was happy for most of my marriage and of course with my children.  After I divorced I met a really nice guy and we went together for 5 years.  I honestly think those were the happiest years I ever had.  He moved very far away and we just couldn't keep the relationship going. I look at my former in-laws whom I am very friendly with and their lives are so bad now.  They are both very ill and i'm not sure what they have to look forward to.  They have been married 70 yrs! I suppose that is somethiing to be very happy about but it must be hard to be so old and sick.  I am just hoping there will be some better times left in life.  I know it is what you make of it but getting older and worrying about making ends meet makes it hard to find good moments.  I was wondering what others on HW thought about life in general. 

behindtheseeyes00987
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 7/11/2008 9:36 PM (GMT -7)   
hello,
 
very interesting topic. ive actually pondered that question many of times...is it possible to achieve true happiness in life? i think its wonderful that you're still in good contact with family or exfamily. it sounds like youre a caring person.
i think for me, (unfortunetly) im a general pessimist..its just the way i am, i cant really help it. but i think that people who view everything in life or most things in such a habitually pessimistic way feel that theres no hope for much.
 
personally, id like to read most of your posts, cause you sound like a nice caring person with interesting thoughts on the mind.
keep searching for ultimate happiness. even people who are happy should keep searching for the ultimate. also, dont let your age play with your mind! i know people say this alot, but age is nothing but a number. everyone lives their life differently, at different healths, different wealths, different everything! dont think that because you're getting older you cant have happy moments. you just gotta allow yourself to have them.
 
 
(hope that made sense i tend to ramble...)
-Depressed-
-Anxiety Attacks-
-Daily Migraine Headaches-
-Chronic Pain-
Daily Amitriptyline
 
"Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."
 
 


ShynSassy
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Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 7/12/2008 4:57 AM (GMT -7)   
My opinion is life is what you make of it. If you decide that you are going to be unhappy then you will,if you take steps to be happy then you will.

Perfect example is my b/f's parents. They are both in their 60's,very well off financially. But,they still act like they are miserable and seem to feed off of other's problems. I don't get it. They don't do anything when no one is around and seem to get bored so they create unneeded drama.

There are alot of older folks that have been married for that long have health problems,but have the outlook on life that they are going to be happy and are thankful for eveyday.

Do things that you love to do, at some point your life has to be about you and what you want in life and what makes you happy.

Sit down and make a list of things you enjoy,and a list of things that you would like to do. Try to look forward to those things and think of ways that you can actually do it.

Nothing is impossible..
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.


Korissa
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 337
   Posted 7/12/2008 7:33 PM (GMT -7)   
I remember someone years ago telling me that being content is better than seeking happiness. I think it's splitting hairs in a way, but I try to be content for the moment.
 
I too feel that I will not be happy again. I always thought I'd be like my parents. They were healthy and active and happy into their early 80s.
 
But they had each other and I ended up alone. This wasn't the way my life was supposed to go.
 
I have several elderly friends who are widowed and enjoy life to the fullest. I'm trying to use them as an example. But, they have grown children who include them in their activities. I have friends, but there is nothing like the bond of a family which I don't have.
 
My hangup is thinking that if I had had children I would be happy. But that doesn't always seem to be the case.
 
Anyone else out there without children who feels this way?

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 7/13/2008 8:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Korissa,

I too have no children and am soon to be 50. I am married to a wonderful man who has children and grandchildren. It is wonderful, you can get that bond that you are seeking. Even if they aren't yours. But before I got to know my husband's children, I often wondered am I a normal woman? What about when I get old, will there be no one there for me? But I have been contented with my life and it didn't become a fear or problem. Mother to none can be mother to many. I have friends, though I don't see them much, but they are there for me when I need and visa versa. So yes, you can still have a fullfilling life without. So please don't dispair, you will find what you are looking for when the time is right.

Good luck
hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Aurora60
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/13/2008 9:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Korissa,  I think you are right that life can bring contentment although I have friends I know are very happy.  I think I will try to settle for that contentment and fullfillment.  I need to add more activities to my life and hopefully that will bring more friends.  I am also searching for a part time job so I can have a few extra dollars during this bad economy.  The last job I had was good pay and so close to my home but I was miserable there and not treated well so I had to leave.  Now it isn't so easy to find a job even part time.  I do have children - two sons, 34 and 29.  They sometimes bring me a lot of hapiness but they also can cause some very bad feelings and emptiness. My 34 yr old who lives with me always puts himself first and can be very hostile to me.  He has epilepsy and that is why he has lived with me so long.  I am trying to get him independent and on his own so I can find a retirement community where I will have activities and more people to be with.  I can't stand being alone and lonely and that is why I feel my life isn't so happy right now.  But I am trying and hopefully I will reach that state of contentment I am searching for.Do you have nieces or nephews you can do things with?  I have to admit having your own children can be wonderful but it can also be difficult and hurtful. So children aren't always the answer.  I too am like you in thinking I would have a wonderful life like my parents but that didn't happen and I have been divorced for 25 yrs.  It's ironic how we have childhood or rather early adulthood dreams about life and it turns out so different.

Korissa
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 337
   Posted 7/13/2008 8:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Aurora, I have a niece who I was very close to until she moved to another state and now has twins and works and doesn't seem to have time for her aunt anymore. I was in a Big Sister program and have two girls who are sisters who I've stayed in touch with for almost 30 years but they've moved out of state too. I'm involved as a hospice volunteer right now, but when I finish a year doing this I think I'd like to volunteer to hold crack babies in the hospital. Hospice has been rewarding, but I want to be involved with young lives again if possible.

I know there are reasons "why mothers get gray" but I believe that when you've raised children, you can feel that your life had a purpose and the result is visible to you--your children's lives and the knowledge that you did the best you could for them. And it's not likely you'll be alone when you're dying.

I know there can be heartaches,

Korissa
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 337
   Posted 7/13/2008 8:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Oops, had decided to stop, but didn't erase last line. Guess I'm tired! I didn't have a stroke or anything in the middle of a sentence.

snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 7/14/2008 3:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Aurora i`m not sure what happiness really is but for me i think i just want to be content and if happiness does come into it then i think it would be a bonus .
My kids make me laugh and for that short time i do feel good but it`s very short lived .
I have been depressed for such a long time i really do not know what happiness is .Even looking back at the birth of my kids i still do not remember being " happy " .
Today i`m feeling good but by no means happy .I`m just living each day as it comes .I think as we get older happiness means something different for each of us ..There are some things i enjoy doing ( but never get the time to do them ) so i suppose thats as close as it gets for me .
Restless
~  we can not judge anyone unless we have walked in their shoes and have live through what they live through ~


how to stop the pain
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 30
   Posted 7/14/2008 4:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Happiness and contentment are possible. I have known many people--my husband for one. I myself never really. like said above my kids bring me joy for a moment but it doesn't last. itisn't really there if you know what I mean. THere is still a part of me tht is sad/ worried. I can put on a front most times--acting like I am somene I not but when itis just e and my thoughts --I wonder why

sheryl=jk
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 4083
   Posted 7/14/2008 6:52 AM (GMT -7)   
This is an interseting thread, i guess it a day to day thing with me right now it may change as i age, which i hope it does, i am not happy, i two beuatiful children, i also cant spell. I admit the younger at most itmes brings me joy, older one is 13.5 he has his moments of surprises, iLove both just dfifrently. My husband is another story right now no joy at all, we ar going thru hard times.
I this will change, i want to be happy.
 
God Bless,and have a Great Day!!.......Love.....Sheryl
xcema,hypermobile,Chronic Bronchitus,Fatigue,Positive ANAFibro-05--Had surgery on left & right knees 06, Interstial Cystitis-06 Spondlylosis/Disc Degernation Disease severe arthitis lower back -08,implantedInterstim-06 hysterectomy & IBS-06 Arthiritus-04 Depression-04GERDS/ Hiatial hernia -07   Anxiety-07 Gastroparesis-08--Occasional Migraines
 Reglan,Protonix,Prozac,Wellbutrin,Erthomyicin,klonipin,occasional phernergan, loratab, zanaflex  marrried 2 children, 1 with mild autism, Bipolar(8),  Abilify, Buspar, Celexa Son(13) is bipolarw/migraines, Topamax, ZantacGod plz grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..." Plz help HW to help others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/14/2008 7:45 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi all, and thanks for your replies.  I think this is a very interesting topic as we all have different ideas on what it takes to be happy or at least content.  When I think about it for the most part my children do bring me great joy and have always been there for me when I have problems.  It's not always perfect but they are the most important thing in my life.  I think it's true that as we get older it is harder to be truly happy.  And I also think if my depression did not get in the way I would feel much differently.  I think the best I can strive for is contentment and cherish those few moments of real hapiness and joy.  I realize every day cannot be perfect but I will try to take pleasure in small things.  I realize I am in a better position than many people.I hope more of you will post on this thread so we can all benefit from everyone's ideas.

Aurora


sheryl=jk
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 4083
   Posted 7/14/2008 7:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the insight Auroa
 
God Bless,and have a Great Day!!.......Love.....Sheryl
xcema,hypermobile,Chronic Bronchitus,Fatigue,Positive ANAFibro-05--Had surgery on left & right knees 06, Interstial Cystitis-06 Spondlylosis/Disc Degernation Disease severe arthitis lower back -08,implantedInterstim-06 hysterectomy & IBS-06 Arthiritus-04 Depression-04GERDS/ Hiatial hernia -07   Anxiety-07 Gastroparesis-08--Occasional Migraines
 Reglan,Protonix,Prozac,Wellbutrin,Erthomyicin,klonipin,occasional phernergan, loratab, zanaflex  marrried 2 children, 1 with mild autism, Bipolar(8),  Abilify, Buspar, Celexa Son(13) is bipolarw/migraines, Topamax, ZantacGod plz grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..." Plz help HW to help others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/


Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 7/14/2008 8:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Aurora,
I personally think that it is possible to achieve happiness. Right now I'm struggling, but I think I will get there. I think to some people it comes much more easily than others. But I do think it is possible, sometimes I feel happiness, but it is intermitement. I guess what we need to do is string more of the intermitent happy times together and make one long string of happiness. Easier said than done. I guess life is a bit of a quest at times, a quest to acheive contentment and serenity! Hopefully we can complete this mission!
 
 
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."

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