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how to stop the pain
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 30
   Posted 7/12/2008 5:01 AM (GMT -7)   
I know some people can have true happiness.  My husband is one of them. He recently on our 15th anniversary sent me a card that basically stated since the move up here --he is the happiest he has ever been. SO it is possible --I don't know how to get there.  SInce I am living the same life he is and logically I know I should be happy and not worry aobut the future.  I can't stop myself.  sometimes the thoughts that goes through my head makes me nuts but I wake up every night with the same thoughts and then can't sleep.  I know my kids will be fine my mom put some money in a trust for them for when they are 30 not a lot but enough to helpout when they are starting out with a family.  I just don't knkow how we will pay for college.  I know my mom would help --she has offered but I feel we need to do it but how???
 
But yes you can be truely happy .  I try and hope to be there some day

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 7/12/2008 5:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi pain

I agree it is possible to be happy,you decide what you want out of your future and then start taking steps to make it happen.

I would set up a meeting with a financial advisor,let them tell you what steps you need to take to get your kids ready for college.
One day at a time.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/12/2008 1:20 PM (GMT -7)   

Yes you can be happy at each stage of your life if you can except yourself for who you are and where you are in your life.  You must love yourself first and then you can feel good and work on issues as they come up.

We raised 4 children and paid the tuition for the first year for the one that went to college.  One of ours went into Marines and his college was covered by that.  Our daughter went right into business and now runs her own successful business.  Our fourth child died at 21 and his was taking part time classes and working.  He had a scholarship that helped.

So as you can see it will depend on what your children decide they want when the time comes too.  There is scholarship money  out there and some pay full tuition.

The financial planner is good advice............... yeah I hope you can feel happy and feel at peace too.

Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~


how to stop the pain
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 30
   Posted 7/12/2008 1:53 PM (GMT -7)   

thanks for your words of encouragement.  I know logically it will work out --we have a good income --have had some setbacks due jobs being eliminated in buyouts but have always manage tokeep our head a float and have money in the bank.   Believe me we will be applying for all possible scholarships.  my youngest in extremely blessed-- a genius so he should get a scholarship    I just can't get negative thoughts about some of the decisions we have made.  I wish we had done different and it just plays overand over .. I wake up inthe middle of the night and that is the thought in my head.  I am just tired.  I have IBS and the pain is unbearable at times and I have seen multipple specialist and tried meds etc .  nothing seem sto work for long.  I am going on and on.  Thankfullly I have a husband who loves me and is patient but I try not to keep going over my thoughts with him.  He can't help and it frustrateds him --he wants me to have faith is us and god

Thanks   I just don't know how to escape myself


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/12/2008 2:22 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi, I know how you are feeling as I recently posted a similar thread about being happy.  I know that being happy involves what you put into life and following your goals but when you are depressed as I am it is hard to do.  And add financial worries to the mix makes it worse.  Do you live in a state that has a college tuition fund program that you can invest in?  My state has this and it has been wonderful for many students.  Of course you have to go to a state college.  I think the idea of seeing a financial planner is a good idea.  As for the thoughts that run through your mind what you did in the past is done and you can't go back and undo it.  I know as I have questioned many things I wish I hadn't done but you have to let those things go and just concentrate on the future.  It sounds like you have a wonderful, caring husband and great kids.  I have 2 sons and that is my only family.  One is a tremendous support and the other is more selfish and always puts himself first.  He is supportive when push comes to shove and unfortunately he lives with me so he can be so difficult.  Do you think having some therapy will help you with the thoughts that run through your mind?  Having a neutral person to bounce things off of can be a great help.  Just a suggestion.  Keep posting and I wish you the best.  Take care.

Aurora


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 7/12/2008 2:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Try to stay in the moment. That really helps. Even when you wake up in the middle of the night, tell yourself to relax and try to go back to sleep. Thinking and worrying only depletes your energy. So stay in the now. Just focus on what is happening now. The things around you and try to relax.

Good luck, keep posting...

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


how to stop the pain
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 30
   Posted 7/13/2008 3:43 AM (GMT -7)   
I amtrying to stay inthe present but i just can' seem to  I woke up again tried to relax but after 30 minutes had to get up again at 4:00Am  It makes no sense --I hate it--my husband is having to deal or try to just be thee.  I just want to be left along and that is not good.  I fake with my kids the best I can but am so relieved when friends are over so they are busy without me.  I have a good life why can't i enjoy it.  I know you all can't help me I somehow am hoping if I say it enough I will work the bad out of my mind and get the good in 

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/13/2008 6:39 AM (GMT -7)   

Good Morning,

This is Kitt.  If your worries and sx are affeting your quality of life perhaps it is time to see you physician and get a good medicla screening exam to see if there is something else going on with you.  I do not know if your on any meds but that maybe a consideration.

Things will get better but do advocate for you and check in with your physician. 

Please keep us posted.
Hugs

Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 7/13/2008 7:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Keep on posting, it is good therapy. Are you seeing a counselor? If not that is someitning that you might want to think about. But in the meantime, keep writing to us. It is a good way to get things out and you are right about pushing out the bad and bringing in the good.

Try writing all the good things down in your life. Then write the things down that bother you. Read that and you will see the good out weighs the bad. Then you can get a realisitc grip on things.

You are a very sweet and intelligent person, I think by writing these things down you will see that your life is good. You will be more happy. Another thing is when you see people worse off than yourself. I was at the casino the other day. I know this sounds like a bad example. Well, I didn't feel too good, I have fibromyalgia and my arms and legs were aching. I saw a woman with two prosthetic legs. That cured my feeling pain. I was lucky to have pain. I don't know if this is a very good example, you are dealing with something totally different. But when we see people worse off than ourselves, we tend to realize that we don't have it all that bad. I hope that this helps some. I am in a fog right now and am not writing all that well, so I will end here.

I sure hope that you feel better soon. And keep posting or venting what ever you need to do. We are here for you and know that you are dealing with a very real illness as we are too. Good luck to you.
hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


how to stop the pain
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 30
   Posted 7/13/2008 8:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks. I know people are far worse then I. It isn't that I think my life is bad--actually if someone looked at our life they would have no idea why I felt the way I do. I can't explain it --when I try it seems to make no sense. I just always feel like crying and am anzious and just plan tired. I have talked to someone but like I said --it really makes no sense. I tell my kids allthe time how lucky we are to have a house , good jobs , loving family. I know we have been blessed. I was lucky enough to stay home with my kids for many years -until my youngest started preschool. I thoughtit was right but now I wonder because we were just getting by and if I had worked we would have a much better college fund then we have. This house thing I can't explain either We were not going to buy this house had reasons and then the next thing we buy it. Stupid decision, after stupid decision.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 7/13/2008 8:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Sweetie,

That is a part of learning. Making mistakes. It is not the end of the world, so to speak. What is it that you don't like about the house? Is it financial?

Are you seeing a counselor sweetie? That could be ahuge step to getting a grip on what is bothering you. I hope you find true happiness soon. You are a wonderful individual and should be happy more often than sad. I am sorry to hear you are going through this. Hopefully coming here can help you sort things out.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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