I'm really having a rough time and very much need support

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Aurora60
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/13/2008 12:42 PM (GMT -7)   
I have been very depressed lately and need some words of encouragement from this forum. I guess the biggest worry right now is the surgery I have to have.  I know my dr. has done it many times and is very skilled but hospitals just make me cringe and I can't stand the thought of all i'll have to go through.  Then, my son who lives with me is going away for most of August which means I will be alone at home all that time.  I don't know how I will manage. I am getting so scared of life in general.  I am afraid I will die at home and nobody will find me for days.  and then my dogs will suffer as they won't have food or water.  Am I just worrying foolishly?  I have worked and worked with my therapist about my fears but I just can't overcome them.  They are fears my mother instilled in me as a child.  She constantly told me about dangerous people and bogey men and getting kidnapped.  Both my sisters had car accidents and my mother said to me "Well. looks like you are next." I have always had a fear of driving and have limits to where I will go to.  I just need to get these feelings out, I am so sad and lonely.  I try hard to help others here but I don't seem to be able to help myself.  Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 7/13/2008 1:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Aurora,

Things that are put into our heads at an early age do take a while to get over. My mother did things like that to me too. It took years for me to allow myself to be happy. I still get that feeling of doom at the weirdest of times. But I am learning to recognize it for what it is, just a fear, and am getting over it. But you can't expect that to go away over night. I guess what I am trying to say is that you are at the point of recognizing it, and that is good. Now you will have to learn to deal with these fears and eventually they will go away. You will be more and more free of it as time goes by. Just keep remembering that they are just fears and anxiety and that they aren't real.

You are a lot stronger than you realize Aurora, and I know that in time you will be fine. Just keep trying.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/13/2008 2:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks, Karen for your reply.  I am just at one of my lowest points today.  After I posted I went out in my garden and planted some blue bells and they look very nice.  That did help me for a while.  I know it takes a long time to get over childhood fears and I am working hard on it.  I also wish that my son cared more about me than he shows.  The only time he ever expresses any real concern is when I have a serious problem, like when I was diagnosed with cancer 3 yrs ago.  He just always puts himself first and it bothers me so because I have done so much to care for him throughout all his seizures and caring for him when he was so sick.  I have also spent so much money supporting him and I never get the feeling he appreciates any of it.  My other son is so caring but he is not around much even though he lives only about 20 miles from me.  At least I have his support.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 7/13/2008 2:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Have you mentioned to your older son how you feel? Maybe you could sit down and let him know that this is a two way street here. You care about his needs and wish that he cared about yours. It is only fair, he is an adult. Maybe he doesn't realize he is being that selfish. And he probably doesn't mean it because he doesn't realize how you feel. Or have you mentioned it to him?

I am glad that your other son is more compassionate. You deserve that, too bad he isn't closer. I take it he is the one getting married. Has that happened yet?

I hope that your day gets better Aurora.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/13/2008 3:04 PM (GMT -7)   

Aurora,

Hey they girlfriend............you are going to be OK, I promise.  I made it through the skin cancer surgery and hey I am still here.  I know any surgery is frightening.  I always thing the day before the procedure, "Tommorow at this time it will be just history"

We spend to much time on how to  make ourself miserable.  W tend to spend a lot of time in the past or the future. We spend much time thinking about what was and what could have been. And we spend much time projecting into the future and wondering about what may happen.

Solving this problem is of course to live as much as you can in the only moment that you ever really lie in and control.This moment right now. The moment that is all there ever was and - probably will be.

Kick that fear to the curb, you can do it and leave the past where it is.  Forget the bogieman and get out and enjoy life.  I know I am on my pulpit and do I do these things,  I try Aurora, I really try hard.

Hugs to you my friend.

Kitt



 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/13/2008 3:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Karen & Kitt.  I have tried talking to my son about the way he treats me and he always replies that he doesn't treat me bad.  When I tell him he is being hostile he says in a very loud voice he is not.  I want him to go to counseling but he did when he was younger and said it didn't do him any good so he refuses to go.  I have been tryiing to teach him to be responsible about his bills and to learn to budget because when I am old enough I am out of here and selling my house and going to a retirement community.  He will then be on his own so he had better figure it out how to live on his own.  He is a very negative person.  He always says it's best to expect the worst then you are never disappointed when things go bad.  The 2 boys are going to their grandparents next weekend and my younger son is going to have a talk with him.  They have a 6 hour drive so plenty of time to talk.  I think he is somewhat envious that my younger son is so successful and is getting married. Right now I just can't deal with him so am basically ignoring him.  I am putting myself first right now.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/13/2008 3:39 PM (GMT -7)   

Good for you, put you first and let the boys deal with the issues right now.  You cannot control them and sometimes they do have to learn the hard way.

You have done a wonderful job as a Mom and be proud of that now be selfish and think of you.

A retirement center.........sounds like a dream to me.  I am retired but we are in the country and no swimming pool in sight.

Hugs to you sweetie.
Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 7/13/2008 3:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Good Job Aurora,

I am so happy that your'e putting yourself first, you deserve it. You are trying really hard and are due for things to start to come together.

Good luck with your procedure and let us know how everything goes. We will be thinking of you.

Luv and hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/13/2008 5:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for your kind words and thoughts.  I will keep you updated on my surgery.  Still don't have a date yet but am calling the nurse tomrrow to get one.

megie
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 69
   Posted 7/13/2008 9:28 PM (GMT -7)   
   hi aurora , dont know if i will be any help . pray your surgery goes well . but on the subject of mothers .... mine instilled so much fear in me i cant even fucntion , and she is still doing it till this day !!!! finally after two yrs i got on boat with hubby .... to scared ... major panic .... talked to mom today and she said 15 ppl have died in boating accidents ... i put a stop to that right now .. i said mom ... dont go there .... i had good time on boat and you are not going to scare me again ... oh i didnt mean to scare you ..... yes she did .... has been a controlling person all her life ... made me live in fear .... dont know where i am going here, but you just made me think of that ... by the way aurora , if you need someone to talk to ... i am here . just let me know and i will give you e-mail ok ? such a basket case here !!!! i need a pen pal lol,hugs megie
     You can only change what you can control , you can't change what you can't control .


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 7/14/2008 9:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Megie,

It is time for you to take a deep breath and relax. Everything is going to be okay...

You can't worry about the things that you can't control. Don't let your mom scare you. I don't know why she does that to you. It isn't right.

You are a wonderful person, remember that. And you can email me at any time that you need to.

hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/14/2008 10:46 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Megie, thanks for your post.  Sounds like we have been thru some similar circumstances. I would be happy to talk more with you - it may help us both.  If you want to give me your email I will email you back.  Thanks for your support.

Aurora

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