I really need advise! How to support my friend

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bentwistle
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 330
   Posted 7/14/2008 10:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello there folks,
I wanted to get some advise on how to help my friend who's being treated for depression and who has really withdrawn from day-to day activities.  I knew things were not going well for him lately, and I've been trying to keep in touch but he avoids me. Well today he told me that he has bad thoughts.   He said he was going to his doctor after work.  I had this conversation via email, as we're in different departments. I'm home this afternoon, but have been extremely worried all afternoon. 
 
What should I do?  I want to help, but I don't know how.  I can't drag him to the hospital, and I don't want to have him loose his trust in me after he's confided in me, but I'd also never forgive myself if something happened and I had a chance to prevent it.
 
Thank You.
 
Posted Edited:  Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.
 
If you are emailing this friend, please provide him with the following numbers:
 
The US Suicide Hotline 1-800-784-2433

NDMDA Depression Hotline | Support Group. 800-826-3632

Suicide Prevention Services Crisis Hotline 800-784-2433

Suicide Prevention Services Depression Hotline 630-482-9696
 
Thank you
Kitt

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 7/14/2008 3:34:10 PM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 7/14/2008 11:10 AM (GMT -7)   
First of all my friend, you can't be held responsible for someone elses problems. So don't feel guilty if you can't stop him. Know that you did the best that you could to get him to talk to a doctor. Try to persuade him to be honest with the doctor. They might be able to help him with medication he needs.

Know that you are doing everything that you can to support him. It sounds like you really care and he needs to know that. You have been there, so don't feel that you haven't done enough.

Pray for him, if you believe in prayer. As I said, know that you have done everything you can by being there. Keep emailing him if you need to or talk on the phone. I know that you have done all you can. Just don't feel guilty about it. Maybe you can get him to seek counseling. That is about all that you can do short of being there 24/7.

Keep us posted. We are not professionals, just able to offer advice from experience and support. I hope that you can get through to your friend.

hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


bentwistle
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 330
   Posted 7/14/2008 1:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for replying to me so quickly. I had a friend die 2 1/2 years ago and all of us who knew her went through a great deal of questioning what we could have done differently to prevent her from dying. I feel it's happening all over again, and I don't know what to do.
 
My friend has sought doctor's help over the last few months, but the medications he was prescribed seem to be ineffective. I want to help him, but he's really withdrawn from all his network of friends. The fact he mentioned his actions to me makes me believe he really frightened himself and is seeking a form of help. I don't want to let him down.
_______________________________________________________________
Post editied for verbiage. Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.
Thank you.

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 7/14/2008 3:37:51 PM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 7/14/2008 1:49 PM (GMT -7)   
I can certainly understand your concern. I lost a cousin a year and a half ago to suicide. And we all went through the what ifs. It is hard when you care about somebody and are worrying what they are going to do. Down right scarey. I really hope that you can talk your friend out of it. It sounds like he needs a different type of medication. You never did say if he was going to counseling. I think that would really help. I know that he has you, and I know that you are trying the best that you can. But he really needs professional help right now and I think that would make you feel better to know he is getting it. Do you have anybody to talk to through counseling. I know that this is laying heavy on your mind. Remember we are here too to try to help you through this. I know that there are a few of us who have been through the same thing.

Keep posting, we are here for you.

hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


bentwistle
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 330
   Posted 7/14/2008 2:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you Karen,

I do appreciate your comments. I'm scared right now and just communicating my fear with someone who understands helps a lot.

Bev

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/14/2008 2:45 PM (GMT -7)   

Bentwhistle,

Your friend is doing the best thing right now and that is seeing his physician. He is very lucky to have you and you obviously care for him.  I believe contacting his family may be the best way to help him and perhaps his family could do an intervention and arrange to have him hospitalized to keep him safe while he iis under the care of a physician.

I do not think that keeping  his secret is a help to him as he is not thinking straight so enlisting help to provide care for him would, IMHO, be the best way to support him.

Remember you cannot change another person, and you are not a professional but a good friend so help him get professional help.

I have posted the numbers above for the Crisis Hotlines.

Take care
Kitt

 


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
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bentwistle
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 330
   Posted 7/14/2008 3:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for your response Kitt - I agree that he needs professional help. I just didn't know if there was anyone at work in his department that could help him since I wasn't there physically to provide support, and I didn't want to add to his problems by talking to anyone else at work when he told me he tried to kill himself in confidence. In the wrong hands the gossip mill is very destructive for one's reputation. That said, I will attempt to contact him or a member of his family and help him to get some professional help. It sounded like he wanted more help himself, and was going to really push his doctor. I think he needs to be admitted until the doctors can figure out a medication that will control the suicidal thoughts. Whether his doctor agrees is anybody's guess. I wanted to take him to the ER in an attempt to get him admitted.

Thank you very much for the advice. It is greatly appreciated.

Bev

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 7/14/2008 3:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Bev,

It really sounds like you have a grip on this and are making wise choices. Is there any way that you could go to his doctor appointment with him? But then it does sound like he knows what it is that he has to do.

You and your friend are in my thoughts and prayers.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


bentwistle
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 330
   Posted 7/18/2008 4:10 PM (GMT -7)   
I just wanted to update all of you who were so helpful to me. My friend saw his doctor and has had his medication increased. He's also now waiting for a referral for counselling with strict instructions to go to the local emergency if he has any thoughts of harming himself again. I think it's a good start at least.

I want to thank you all as I felt very stressed and didn't know where to start. I looked into a local help number too as per your advice.

Thanks!

Bev

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 7/18/2008 4:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Bev,

I think that it is wonderful that your friend got the medical attention that he needs. You were very kind and supportive, that is so very important. Good job.....

Best wishes,
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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