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confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 7/14/2008 4:43 PM (GMT -7)   
I just got back from the mall with my mom, sister and my friend. Shopping is supposed to be fun right? Well today it wasn't for me. I went from 152 lbs to 144 lbs in 4 months. I'm 5 ft 4.5 inches. I have a normal BMI. I was happy because I went from a size 10 to an 8. Today I tried on some jeans and the 8 fit but was a little tight. My mom and sister said it looked tight. My friend said it looked ok. So I got the 10. After we left the store and my sister, mom and friend browsed some more.. I just burst out crying. I couldn't help it. I had all these negative thoughts running in my head. "I'm fat, I'm huge, I'm ugly." My friend who is taller than me 5 ft 7 inches is 168 lbs and wears the same size as me! I was just so angry that we wear the same size and she weighs more. I felt huge. I wanted to leave the mall right then and there but my mom said no. Then during the car ride home my mom said "thanks for embarassing me in front of your friend!" She also said that she's never going shopping with me and my friend ever again because I just embarass her and that I'm not fun to be around. And my dad said "we've been trying to get you to eat less sometimes but you never listen to us." It made me feel worse. My mom told me I'm not a fun person to be around and that I'll never be like a model. Lots of guys think I'm pretty but I don't feel good about myself. It doesn't help when I hear comments like that from my parents. I seriously am thinking of just eating half a meal each day. I just want to look better in outfits and have my parents be proud of how I look. I feel so empty and worthless inside. I'm scared to eat in front of my parents. They are eating dinner now as we speak and I just don't feel like eating. :-( Please help.

Post Edited (confusedgirl22) : 7/14/2008 5:47:56 PM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 7/14/2008 4:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Confused,

You are still letting other peoples words hurt you. I know you probably feel like they are ganging up on you. What types of foods do you eat. Why don't you get some fruits and fresh veggies and munch on them. Then when they see you eating, they will see you eating good foods. Until you move out, I think that you will be dealing with the I told you so and all that crap from them. But if you really want to please them I suggest you eat small portions often. Cut your portions down, but eat four to six times a day. Eat earth smart. By this I mean things close to the earth. Fresh vegies, fruits, nuts, berries. Drink a lot of water, that fills you up so you aren't hungry.

Obviously your weight does bother you and you want to please your parents, so that is what I would suggest. I hope that this helps some.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/14/2008 5:17 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Confused, I think Karen is right about eating fruits and veggies to help with your diet.  They are good for you and fill you up a lot.  Melon is very good, it is filling and has very few calories.  As someone who has lost weight in the past 6 months I know it is not easy to do.  There are many books you could read on healthy eating and there are online diet programs.  Also, not mentioning any one specific group, there are many dieting groups where you can go to a weekly meeting and have a once a week weigh in to help you stay on track.  Loads of info on the iternet.  Your parents are not helping you by commenting.  Try to ignore them.  They should be helping to raise your self esteem.  I imagine you are a very pretty girl but you need to think of yourself in a more positive way.  Don't compare yourself to a friend who is taller and weighs more.  Her weight is most likely in proportion to her height.  If you are serious about losing some weight cutting yourself to half a meal a day won't work.  You will end up being so hungry you will binge.  Arm yourself with good info on eating healthy and getting some exercise every day.  It doesn't have to be too strenuous and joining a gym is not necessary.  A good 30 min walk is excellent exercise and it will help improve your mood.  Exercise raises the endorphins in your brain so you feel better. And once you establish the habit you will really enjoy it.  It took me 6 mos. to lose 35 lbs and I did it the slow way a lb or 2 a week and I have kept the weight off.  You are a good person and I don't want you to let negative people stand in your way and make you feel bad.  Keep posting - I have confidence in you that you can do whatever you want.  Take care.

Aurora


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 7/14/2008 5:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Aurora,

She is very pretty, I saw a pic of her. And you have given her some very good advice.

I also have a friend that lost weight cutting out the sodas, even diet and just drinking water, I myself like lemon in it. Plus you get vite C.

Exercising, walking does make you feel good. I myself have to walk more than I am. I feel less depressed when I do. Plus you meet people sometimes Confused. Other people who like to walk. It is good for the figure, especially the legs and tush.

I would take Aurora's advice and run with it.

Have a great day both of you...

Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 7/14/2008 6:04 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks. but i have been working out 4 days a week for about an hour to an hour and a half each day. i dont eat fast food anymore and i try to eat more fruits and vegetables. i lost 8 lbs since march but I haven't moved below 144. my thighs are big. my butt is always wide.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 7/14/2008 6:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Are you getting in the aerobics or are you just building muscle? Muscle weighs 4 times more than fat. I carry a lot of muscle so my weight is really high. It takes the walking to burn calories. And it really does make you feel better.

Are you sure that your father's constant hassleing you isn't making your self esteem go down? I wonder...

Like I say if you are working out and building muscle, you are going to weigh more than what is considered, 'normal'. Muscle weighs a lot.

Be kind to yourself, you deserve it.

hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 7/14/2008 6:17 PM (GMT -7)   
I go on the elliptical 4 days a week for about 40 minutes. Then after I do elliptical I lift dumbells to do biceps and tricep exercises. I then do situps and lunges and wall squats. My thighs have gotten firmer compare to March but they are still big. Also my butt is wide. And yes. Their comments make me feel bad about myself.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 7/14/2008 6:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Well my dear,

There you go, ignore him. I think that hearing it over and over is causing you to see yourself heavier than you are. And with the working out, you have muscle which would make you weigh more. But muscle tone is attractive so continue what you are doing and try not to let your father get to you.

I know that you have been through this before. And even your counselor said that he was disrespectful. So just ignore him. You will feel better about yourself if you do.

hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/14/2008 7:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi again, Confused, do me a favor and try the walking for two weeks and see what it does for you. Not just a going out for a walk but a power walk. Keep an even pace and try to go for 30-45 min. You may have to work up to it. I am unable to use weights or lift anything because I had breast cancer so walking has turned out to be the best exercise for me. And you would be surprised at how it has helped me drop the lbs. Also. I am sure I am much older than you and at my age it is not as easy to lose weight but I did. I really wanted to get back to normal so I just kept at it. You may slip up sometimes. That is OK. Just get back on the bandwagon the next day. Karen it right that diet soda is not good for you so try to stay away from it. If you like tea you can have either hot tea or make yourself iced tea and put some lemon in it. A piece of fruit is also better for you than juice which is loaded with sugar. These are just a few hints. You seem like such an intelligent and sweet person. I truly hope I can help you to feel better. You are worth it.
Aurora

confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 7/14/2008 8:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you. I will try that. I'm really sad though. My mom thinks I have paranoia by comparing myself to other people. I don't really do that much. I just compare myself after my mom or dad makes comments about things that don't look good on me or if they tell me I'm fat.

Beyond my Control
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 7/15/2008 2:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey,

We are all individuals and unique in our own special way, be youself and you are on your way to truly becoming happy.....with who you are.

I suffered from anorexia nervosa from trying to become the type of person who would easily fit in. Didn't help at all, I could have died from trying to hard to become thin.

Don't be sad, it's not worth your effort, be happy with who you are.....you deserve a break!

Stuart (author) Beyond my Control.............IT WAS!!!

Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 7/15/2008 3:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Confusedgirl, I have the opposite problem to you, I only weigh about 100 pounds and have lost about 28 pounds over the last 6 months. Without meaning too. I look too skinny and ill atm. I feel awful because of it, from when I was about 17-21 (now 25) I suffered with eating disorders and was really ill, I used to eat 1 meal a week! So my family are worried that it has come back - but that isn't the case - I'm eating loads, just putting no weight on! I think you do need to stop comparing yourself to other people, I have learned this - personally I look better when I am heavier, just because sometimes people are slim, doesn't mean that they are at their best. Everyone is very different. and different things suit different people.
 
 
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 7/15/2008 2:37 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry to here that Confusedli. I'm sorry you have had eating disorders. I hope you get better soon and do gain weight!
I just feel guilty when I eat. Ever since yesterday, I haven't been eating as much. After I do eat I blame myself for eating. I just feel fat. I have cellulite. I do lunges and squats but that doesn't help. In high school I was 124 lbs. Now I'm 144. My parents want me to be back to 124 and a size 4. It's so hard to lose that weight. I've been exercising and watching what I eat. I seriously just feel like eating one meal a day because nothing else works. And I feel ugly wearing a size 8 and 10. :-( My mom keeps telling me how I embarassed her yesterday :-( She says that I don't look good in skirts above the knee. I used to wear skirts above the knee even last yr when I weighed 146 and my ex-bf always complimented me on how I looked. I am so sad here at home. I feel trapped. I just don't want to be around my family at all. Every single day my mom rehashes all the mistakes I've made in my life. Today she said "Why can't you be like all the other grad students who pass all their classes?" "Aren't you going exercising today, what did you eat for lunch?" I CANNOT take this anymore! :-( Please help.

Post Edited (confusedgirl22) : 7/15/2008 3:48:18 PM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 7/15/2008 2:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Confused,

Just think, it wont be much longer and you will be back at school. You wont have to listen to that any more. Like Confusedli said. People like different things. Just because your parents are making you feel fat, doesn't mean that you don't look good to others. Thay have been torchering you long enough now. Don't listen to them when they lowrate you. You are a wonderful pretty person and don't you ever forget that. Just let it go in one ear and out the other. But don[t starve yourself, when you do that your body starts hanging onto every calorie that you take in. Eat small portions frequently.

good luck,
hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


alizia
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 7/16/2008 1:42 AM (GMT -7)   

 You are still leasing other people words that hurt you. I know you most likely feel like they are ganging up on you. What types of foods do you eat? Why don't you have some fresh and juicy fruits?

___________

alizia

http://www.addictionrecovery.net/louisiana


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 7/16/2008 10:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Alizia,

I want to welcome you to HealingWell depression forum. You have come to a wonderful place. Everybody here is so kind and compassionate. They are understanding and nonjudgemental. I think that you will be glad that you are here.

Keep posting, chime in at any time or start your own thread if you would like to.

Best wishes,
hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 7/16/2008 4:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Aliza. I do eat fruits. I also eat small portions. For breakfast I eat cereal, yogurt, or a fiber one bar Usually small sandwich or salad for lunch. For dinner I eat some kind of meat (usually chicken) with either vegetables or rice. Sometimes I eat bigger portions when I'm stressed out about something or when I'm sad though. I'm trying to not eat much when I get stressed out.
Karen, I just got your e-mail. Thank you so much for your opinion. It really means alot to me. You are a good person too! Take care!


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 7/16/2008 7:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Confused,

You are so welcome and I want you to know that I am being sincere when I tell you that you are a beautiful person inside and outside. I hope that soon you realize it and it sinks in. I was so much like you at your age. I know how it is to think badly of yourself. I also know that you are going to be so much happier when you go back to school. You will be doing what you love and there will be nobody to cause you to feel bad about yourself. You will just get stronger and stronger. But in the meantime, know that we are here for you.

Best wishes,
hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


confusedgirl22
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 228
   Posted 7/26/2008 3:07 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello everyone.

  Just wanted to update you about what's going on. I'm leaving for FL with my mom tomorrow morning for grad school. My mom is going to be staying with me for a week til I get settled in. I'm excited for a new beginning but also nervous I'll fail a class again.

 

My ex and I are talking again. We've been talking for about a month now. He wants me to visit him sometime soon but I can't afford it. I'm on loans. I paid for his plane ticket to come see me in grad school last yr. He paid for my dinners, clothes and drinks. I think it's his turn to pay for a plane ticket if he wants to see me. So I told him I can't afford it. He said he couldn't either. I said well I guess I can't see you til you can afford it. Then he didn't say anything. A few days later I texted him asking him if he can accept my friend request on facebook. We're friends but he still hasn't accepted my friend request on facebook. I know he doesn't have internet at home but he goes online at work and he does check facebook. He didn't respond after I texted him.. I waited awhile about 1 hr..he didn't respond. I texted him again asking him if he can accept my friend request..no answer. Then I called him 30 min later..no answer. He finally responded saying that "I'm back to my old self again and he might accept my friend request sometime." He also said he wants me to backoff for awhile and not talk to him for a few days. This happened on Wednesday night. I started crying. I left him alone til Fri night I texted him once asking him if we could talk tomorrow night (meaning tonight) ..no response. This morning (Saturday) I texted him asking if we could talk tonight..no answer. An hr later I asked again..no answer.. 2 hrs later I asked if we could talk tonight or if he wanted more space. He finally answered and said he'll be ready to talk some time mid next week. And that if I text him between today and then he'll block me. So I didn't text him. He's done this so many times before. This whole month he didn't mind talking to me everyday. Now all of a sudden he's like bothered by talking every day. My counselor thinks it's a control tactic he's using because I didn't give in to his request for me to pay the plane ticket. He thinks I should put the ball in his court and not contact him mid next week (eventhough he'll be ready to talk then). What should I do? None of my other friends put limits on me. But then again, I don't text them again if they don't respond to me. Advice please!


Post Edited (confusedgirl22) : 7/26/2008 6:45:36 PM (GMT-6)


okonner
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 7/26/2008 9:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Confused,
I have walked so many miles in your shoes. I know how it feels to be left with my mouth open and trying to guess what I did wrong. I was with my ex for 18 years before the love I had for him was gone. I was often blamed for everything that went wrong in our lives. Even when the kids had a bad day it was my fault. He was in total control. Being depressed was an every day thing for me. I hated me. The best thing I can tell you is look out for you. Make your self happy. You are still so young and the best is yet to come. Trust me this world is to big for you to give your heart to a non loving person. Fill your life with people who enjoy your company and show you respect. The main thing is to be happy with or with out your ex. He will tire of his games if you don't play them. Have a wonderful time at school. Godspeed Okonner

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/27/2008 7:49 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear Confused,

Please remember you are a wonderful person and you deserve happiness.  Don't selttle for 2nd best when there is some out there you will meet and you will know how great you are togehter. You won't have to worry about emails and the instablity of the relationship.

Be happy in Florida.........and catch a wave for me.  I am land locked here in the midwest.

Hugs

Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


thirstyforchrist
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 416
   Posted 7/27/2008 9:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh confused girl. It seems that you are in alot of toxic relationships right now. I'm sorry that your family is one too. I have had and still have an eating disorder and a very toxic family life. I hope that you will stop listening to your parents mean comments on your weight. They seem to be trying to live your life for you. I know you love them but space and independence is what you seem to need. You said you like your weight the way it is? Then just let it be. If you are happy thats all that matters. And most guys are not attracted as much to actual beauty or figures, but confidence and great personalities. (Unless their jerks) Please feel free to email me anytime you need to talk.
Also, about that ex, I say that YOU should totally dump him. Dont text him or call him back when he calls you. Let him know how it feels to be treated like crap. And then go out there and live life without a man. I know I have always dependend on my husband to make me happy. But he cant. No guy can. They all stink sometimes. So my suggestion is to just focus on your girl friends and school. When mr right comes along you'll know it. Until then, find out who you are without any old stinkin man. HEhe.
I hope this helps you some. And do email me if you ever want to talk. Love to you!!
Rachel
"There is hope for every man, a solid place where we can stand, in this dry in weary land, there is hope for every man... Jesus is hope for every man"  -Casting Crowns


Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 7/28/2008 1:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Confusedgirl,

I think you should definitely not text this guy. I even think you should cut him out of your life all together - although maybe that would be hard. Its sounds to me like he wants to be your friend, but only on his terms, and that isn't a friendship. You deserve so much better than he is treating you. Its hard to cut someone you have loved out of your life, but its worth it in the long term, because dragging this relationship out is only going to cause more pain, and I think it is impossible to stay friends with someone you have loved.

Its really exciting that you are going to Florida. Don't worry about failing a class, I'm sure you won't, and if you do, deal with it when the time comes, because it might never happen!

Li
 
 
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 7/28/2008 9:43 AM (GMT -7)   
I think that you have gotten some very good advice. And I think that you should listen to your counselor also.

This guy is just playing head games with you because you aren't paying for his trip. The thought of that is awful. Just ditch him.

Best wishes and we are here for you. Have a wonderful time in Florida. Keep us posted.

hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/28/2008 9:51 AM (GMT -7)   

Confusedgirl,

I hope we have not confused you more. :) We are just concerned that you will get hurt again by the same person.

Remember you are wonderful the way you are............believe in yourself and know you are special.

Hugs

Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

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