What's the point when you're completely alone?

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kmonique
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 7/17/2008 1:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Like a lot of other people, I'm new to the site. I've basically run out of places to go, and feeling the need to sign up with a bunch of different sites like these isn't particularly making me feel any better, but there isn't really anywhere else to turn to. I know a lot of people complain about feeling "alone" and perhaps everyone goes through it sometime ... but my depression has gotten so much worse over the past few years and so many people have just vanished out of my life that I don't think I can take it any longer. I'm supposed to be leaving for college in exactly one month and I almost feel like I don't want to make my parents waste the money .  And there's absolutely no one I have to talk to. Everyone I get close to leaves me. They use me to get out all there problems, I'm basically everyone else's therapists and then when I need someone the most they disappear. Story of my life. . If anyone else was in my shoes they'd probably be happy.  Why am I so messed up? Why can't I just be happy? Why can't I find a purpose in life? -- I guess these are a lot of other people's questions too. But it doesn't help me to feel any less alone, when I'm still sitting here, in my room, without a friend in the world who'd care to listen and I don't know what I did to deserve it.
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Post edited:
 
1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm).  Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.
 
I am going to post the crisis numbers here for you. 
 
U.S. Helplines


The US Suicide Hotline 1-800-784-2433

NDMDA Depression Hotline | Support Group. 800-826-3632

Suicide Prevention Services Crisis Hotline 800-784-2433

Suicide Prevention Services Depression Hotline 630-482-9696
 
Suicide & Depression Hotline | Covenant House 800-999-9999
 
Online Hotline Resources--------

SuicideHotlines.com

Befrienders International :: The Samaritans

suicidal.com/suicidalteens/

www.selfinjury.com/index.html

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 7/18/2008 7:48:42 PM (GMT-6)


Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 7/17/2008 2:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kmonique,

I don't come from a messed up family and I feel unhappy a lot of the time too. Sometimes there is no logical explanation for the way we feel. I am lucky in many ways yet I still feel sad! Thats just the way it goes sometimes!

Have you talked to your parents about how you feel? it sounds to me like you really need someone to talk to, who will listen! Can you not talk to your parents? Have you thought about counselling? Seeing a counsellor has really helped me, it's hard at first, but it gets easier!

I've asked all the same questions as you have time & time again - Why can't I just be happy and why am I so messed up? They are questions you'll probably never know the answer to, For me there are many reasons and also there are no reasons!
 
 
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."


Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 7/17/2008 2:41 AM (GMT -7)   
I've been depressed all my life. I'm 50. It was so embarassing. I was the first one on my block to try Prozac. I didn't get over the Depression until Chronic Pain came my way. My Depression is more or less gone. Of course, I still have the dark dark days you mention from time to time. However, I'm not down near so much when I have to rub limiment on my neck. Watch TV. Read. Listen to the Radio. Best thing, of course ... Exercise. I'm ducking, don't hit me. I know you've heard that all before. I should delete my post. I'm sleepy. I wish you the best. Stay on the board. Maybe someone will say something good that we can al hand on to.
Pamela Neckpain
MEDICAL INFORMATION
HYPERTENSION, SCOLIOSIS, ARTHRITIS, SPONDYLOSIS,
SPINAL STENOSIS THROUGHOUT THE SPINE,PINCHED NERVES C5-C7, NEUROPATHY THROUGHOUT THE SPINE, ANXIETY DISORDER, DEPRESSION, CONSTIPATION, POSSIBLE KIDNEY STONES (OR CANCER) DEGENERATIVE DISC DISEASE C3-C7

MEDICATION
MONOPRIL, HYDROCHLOROTHIAZIDE, METHADONE 10 MG. 3 BY MOUTH 3 TIMES DAILY. XANAX 1 1/2 MG. 3 TIMES DAILY, NEURONTIN 600 MG, 4 TIMES DAILY, FOLBEE TABS, SENOKOT S , 5 TABS AT NIGHT.


lunardance
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 28
   Posted 7/17/2008 5:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kmonique

I know your feeling as if everything is darkness and what's the use...and I don't want to sound all Pollyanna on you or anything, but there is a song by Peter Gabriel called "Don't Give Up" that has helped me alot in my darkest times,,,,which are usually everyday. Another thing, when my depression started I made one promise to myself,,,that no matter what suicide was off the menu....PERIOD. Knowing that is not a option has helped me...just hold on to whatever light you can find and PLEASE don't hurt yourself.
"If you pursue evil with pleasure the pleasure passes away but the evil remains, if you pursue good with labor the good remains and the labor is not wasted."


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 7/17/2008 9:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kmonique,

I am sorry for your depressed mood. I have some numbers and websites for you , just inNational Suicide Hotline
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.

Helpful Web Sites:
Suicide Hotlines (listed by state)
Suicidal.com (includes Suicide Crisis Center and Depression and Suicide)
SuicidalTeens.com

case you need them.



I think a lot of us have been where you are. But I think that coming here will help you. Though I have to suggest talking to your doctor about this and going to counselling. A lot of us are on meds and go to counseling, and it has saved our lives.

You have to learn to love yourself. Then you wont feel so alone. When you are alone, you are with somebody who loves you, yourself.

I know that it seems hard right now sweetie, but remember that we are here for you all day long. There are people from various time zones so there is usually somebody around 24/7. So feel free to post at any time. I think this forum will do you good. But it can't replace the professional aspect of a doctor or a counselor. So please think seriously about getting help. And don't hesitate to call those numbers or check out the websites when you are really down.

You are a special person, remember that. Your friends are probably wrapped up in their own depression. That is why they are not there for you. They think of you as the strong one, and don't realize that you need help. I go through that too. It seems like when I am down and need somebody to talk to, everybody disappears. But I manage to get myself through it. And with help you will be able to do that too.

Keep posting, there are many who have been where you are now. I am sure you will get a lot of advice.

Best wishes sweetie,
hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Tigirr
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 7/17/2008 12:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kmonique-

I have this same feelng!  The truth of the matter is you and I both know, we don't want to hurt ourselves. We just don't know how to reach out and get help and we're afraid to reach out and get the help. Finding this forum is really helping me realize that I'm not alone. There are millions out in the world that are feeling the same. Unfortunately in today's world it's hard not to be depressed. We have so much going on, and we see so many bad things on the news, it doesn't help. I found myself watching the news today and I heard a couple of stories that just had me bawling. The first one being the mother in NC who was found dead, and the second was a story in Florida about a mom who waited over a month before reporting that her two year old daughter was missing. It's no wonder we are all in such pain.

Please talk to someone, even if you just come to the forum and talk to everyone that's on line. It will help you. I made my first posting yesterday and already, I'm starting to feel better and I have realized that I'm not in this alone. I even took the first step and called around to make an appointment with a Psychiatrist.

We can and will find happiness again. Try to talk to your parents. I'm a mom of three and if one of my children were feeling like this, I would want to know, but I also understand that it's really hard to talk to parents.
 
Edit for content:  Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.
 
Thank you for your understanding.  We have members as young as 13 on the site.
Kit

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 7/18/2008 7:55:07 PM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 7/17/2008 2:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Tigirr,

I just wanted to say that I am happy to know that the forum has helped you in such a way that you would post it to another member. That makes me feel really good. That is what the forum is for.

Have a great day,
hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


kmonique
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 7/17/2008 10:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks :) It does help to know that other people feel the same, but unfortunately parents are definitely not the way to go for me. I'm not comfortable to talk to them about anything, let alone this. The one time I tried, three years ago, they were angry that I felt this way and just made me feel guilty about it. So now i pretend that everything's fine. And since I am on their insurance, a doctor is out of the question. Although I would like more than anything to be able to try some sort of therapy, unless it's free ( and then i don't trust it so much ) it's not happening. :(

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 7/18/2008 10:11 AM (GMT -7)   
You can still go to a doctor, they don't know what you went for. Take advantage of that insurance. See a doctor and go from there. You need help and this is a sure way to get it.

Best wishes,
Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Tigirr
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 7/18/2008 12:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kmonique,

I too had parents that weren't supportive, not only were they not supportive, they wouldn't help their kids. I remember my sisters and I going to our parents about some things that had happened to us during a time that they let a friend of theirs move in for awhile (need I say more). Well they told all of us girls that it was okay, they didn't want us to say anything to anyone, because it would be an embarrassment to the family. Heck what did we know, we were only 10 and 12. I think back to this all the time. I tell you, I talk to my kids everyday and I tell them no matter what happens in life they can always come to me. I don't want my kids growing up with all the hurt that my siblings and I did. Parents are suppose to protect their kids and be supportive and help them through times. Kmonique, I feel for you babe.... I will be your mom, come talk to me anytime, we will help one another through this.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/18/2008 7:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Kmonique,

Hello, this is Kitt and I am sorry for the edits but I will remind all to read rules and do realize that as  moderators it is our responsibility to keep the site safe. 
 
We are not professionals but peers and members just like each of you.

Due to the anonymity of the site and the fact that this is a peer support group and not responsible for calling any authority on any member that threatens suicide, we strongly encourage members to call the hotline , 911, a family member or a friend, or to check themselves in to the local hospital emergency room.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You are worth much more.

You appear to have depression and I agree with the person that suggested you go to the physicians as you have medical insurance and with the new privacy rules, the physician cannot discuss your issues with your parents.  Youshould make sure you get a good screening evaluation to make sure you don't have a physical problem going on.  Also talk to your physician about therapy. 

Sometimes we get stressed out when everything happens all at once. When this happens,  take a deep breath and try to find something to do for a few minutes to get your  mind off of the problem.  Get some fresh air, listen to some music, or do an activity that will give you  a fresh perspective on things.

Visualize a red stop sign in your  mind when you  encounter a fear provoking thought. When the negative thought comes,  think of a red stop sign that serves as a reminder to stop focusing on that thought and to think of something else. You  can then try to think of something positive to replace the negative thought.

Learn to take it one day at a time. Instead of worrying about how you will get through the rest of the week or coming month, try to focus on today. Each day can provide us with different opportunities to learn new things and that includes learning how to deal with your problems. Focus on the present and stop trying to predict what may happen next week. Next week will take care of itself.

I hope this helps you in some small way and remember the world is a better place because you live and serve withint it.

God Bless
Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
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