Hello, I usually go to another post to check on my husbands illness, but something told me to go to this posting. My heart goes out to you..You dont say how old you are. but I would assume late teens or early twenties by your words...These are some difficult years, but believe it or not...it will get better. My mother, years ago, used to say "Standing with reluctant feet where the bridge and river meet." I am now a grandmother, and it seems not too long ago I was your age. I found a beautiful quote that I keep on my desk...I dont know where it came from, but here it is. It may help you also...:
There are many fine things which you mean to do some day, under what you think will be more favorable circumstances. But the only time that is surely yours is the present. Hence this is the time to speak the word of appreciation and sympathy, to do the generous deed, to forgive the fault of a thoughtless friend, to sacrifice self a little more for others. Today is the day in which to express your noblest qualities of mind and heart, to do at least one worthy thing which you have long postponed, and to use your God-given abilities for the enrichment of some less fortunate fellow traveler. Today you can make your life significant and worthwhile. The present is yours to do with it as you will.
Allowing the truth of who you are--your spiritual self--to rule your life means you stop the struggle and learn to move with the flow of your life.
I always find that when I concentrate on the present moment, nature, an animal, or music, or simply sit quietly and calmly in a peaceful place outside, and take my mind off my own self...it gets better You can choose to think differently...If you are unhappy, try to see why you choose thinking that you are unhappy. It is a record you are playing over and over in your mind. YOU can change your thought.....However, that being said, you may have a slight chemical imbalance that could be helped greatly by some antidepression medicine. I would see a counselor immediately..... Sending you much love and prayers for your beautiful soul.... Peace and light.....D
dx Jan 2001 age 67 gleason 4 + 3 PSA 16.5
seed implant and conformal radiation Lupron from Jan 2001 to Jan2002
2005 Dec PSA began to rise from .5 to 8 within 6 months
Salvage surgery at MSK 9/06
Fistula operation 2/07 MSK
Many cystoscopies and ER visits with strictures
catheter for one year....Catheter taken out Sept 07..
Total Incontinence since then....
PSA .52 3/07
In line for AUS possibly in Sept 08