I'm too young to deal with this

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Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 7/19/2008 1:42 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello all,
A few of you might have read some of my other postings lately and before here on the forums.
Just lately, maybe within the last few weeks or so, I've been feeling...well...I'm not sure. I feel kinda happy, but overall, I just feel completely hopeless and depressed. I'm going on vacation next month-you think that would be good, right? I thought so. Now I don't really have the desire to go at all anymore...and i dont know why...
Funny thing is, I hate being at home. It makes me sad. But yet I'd rather be here than on vacation. I'm too much of a reserved solitaire person that I'm basically just too scared to live life. i dont' want to do anything anymore, but at the same time I crave adventure and new experiences.
I'm really afraid of life. I'm single, I'm too quiet, I'm a pushover. I've been having an especially difficult time at my work lately. Today I had a panic attack there.
I just really feel like I'm at my absolute lowest point. I've been meaning to see my counselor, but now I wont be able to see her for about a month-and that's too long for me to go without a session.
I also just cry all the time when I'm alone. Im always alone.
I guess my problem is this sucky pre-adulthood life transition. It's hitting...and it's hitting hard. I really need to get my issues sorted out.
--any guidance words would be appreciated.
-Anxiety Attacks-
-Daily Migraine Headaches-
-Chronic Pain-
Daily Amitriptyline
"Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 637
   Posted 7/19/2008 7:20 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello, I usually go to another post to check on my husbands illness, but something told me to go to this posting. My heart goes out to you..You dont say how old you are. but I would assume late teens or early twenties by your words...These are some difficult years, but believe it or not...it will get better. My mother, years ago, used to say "Standing with reluctant feet where the bridge and river meet." I am now a grandmother, and it seems not too long ago I was your age. I found a beautiful quote that I keep on my desk...I dont know where it came from, but here it is. It may help you also...:

 There are many fine things which you mean to do some day, under what you think will be more favorable circumstances.  But the only time that is surely yours is the present.  Hence this is the time to speak the word of appreciation and sympathy, to do the generous deed, to forgive the fault of a thoughtless friend, to sacrifice self a little more for others.  Today is the day in which to express your noblest qualities of mind and heart, to do at least one worthy thing which you have long postponed, and to use your God-given abilities for the enrichment of some less fortunate fellow traveler.  Today you can make your life significant and worthwhile.  The present is yours to do with it as you will.

Allowing the truth of who you are--your spiritual self--to rule your life means you stop the struggle and learn to move with the flow of your life.

I always find that when I concentrate on the present moment, nature, an animal, or music, or simply sit quietly and calmly in a peaceful place outside, and take my mind off my own self...it gets better You can choose to think differently...If you are unhappy, try to see why you choose thinking that you are unhappy. It is a record you are playing over and over in your mind. YOU can change your thought.....However, that being said, you may have a slight chemical imbalance that could be helped greatly by some antidepression medicine. I would see a counselor immediately..... Sending you much love and prayers for your beautiful soul.... Peace and light.....D

Husband Pete
dx Jan 2001 age 67 gleason 4 + 3 PSA 16.5
seed implant and conformal radiation Lupron from Jan 2001 to Jan2002
2005 Dec PSA began to rise from .5 to 8 within 6 months
Salvage surgery at MSK 9/06
Fistula operation 2/07 MSK
Many cystoscopies and ER visits with strictures
catheter for one year....Catheter taken out Sept 07..
Total Incontinence since then....
PSA .52 3/07
In line for AUS possibly in Sept 08

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 7/19/2008 7:33 AM (GMT -6)   
I know the exact feeling you describe eyes
But the good news is you Can get thru this, and go on vacation and have a great time - you will be a little shakey at first and that's ok..it's just that at the moment you are in your comfort zone - even though you are unhappy there - it's still home as such.
Are you on meds for depression?
If not - you may wish to consider the possibility to get you thru this rough patch.
If you are - then maybe going to the doc and explaining what you are going thru just now would be a good idea - maybe a small readjustment in meds would help just now.
Little steps towards feeling better ok :-)
Sista J.
Love All
Trust a Few
But Always paddle your own Canoe...

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 28
   Posted 7/19/2008 7:51 AM (GMT -6)   
I know that terrified "I don't want to be here at home but am too scared to go anywhere else" feeling very well. It is SO hard to just MAKE yourself do what's needed at times. But give yourself credit for the little victories that you accomplish. Sometimes I think if I am going to be terrified I might as well be terrified trying to "enjoy" myself. The weird thing is as terrified as you may feel you might find yourself feeling somewhat "normal" if you do those things that take you out of your comfort zone. Do you write or journal?? Just getting your thoughts out, no matter how strange they may seem can be a big help.Don't worry about being "too" quiet or "too" strange. Just go moment to moment. I have Parkinson's and my legs get really weak pretty fast so every time I go to the store I have to worry if I am going to just collaspe or not. So I just take one step at a time. Remember you are smarter and stronger than you think you are. There is more beauty in you than you know. I believe everyone has a gift.....something they are meant to give to others. Try to find your gift, no matter how small it may seem. That will make u feel ALOT better about yourself.
Parkinson's disease, depression, anxiety disorder

"If you pursue evil with pleasure the pleasure passes away but the evil remains, if you pursue good with labor the good remains and the labor is not wasted."

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40391
   Posted 7/19/2008 12:01 PM (GMT -6)   
You have gotten some wonderful advice here. The only think that I might add is see if you can get your appt with the counselor sooner. Let them know how important it is to you. Maybe if they have a cancelation, they might be able to get you in.

I would say as others have, take that vacation, enjoy it one day at a time and try to leave the excess bagage at home. I think that you will find that you have done the right thing.

I, like you, would rather stay home. But this is your time and you do deserve to enjoy yourself, so go for it...

Best wishes to you,
hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 7/19/2008 2:22 PM (GMT -6)   
thank you everyone. i genuinely appreciate the comfort and gracious words I get in these forums.
And no, I'm not on any medicines for depression. I've thought about talking to my doctor, but again, i'm too scared. But I guess I'll give it a try.
Also I'm seeing my counselor next week, so hopefully all goes well.
((im 20 yrs old by the way, in case anyone's wondering :) its tough....))
-Anxiety Attacks-
-Daily Migraine Headaches-
-Chronic Pain-
Daily Amitriptyline
"Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 7/19/2008 3:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Sweetie, we are all too young to deal with this...no one should have too if you ask me.  I have had depression & anxiety/panic for as long as I can remember.  I am 35 (almost).  You have had wonderful suggestions/advice so far the only thing I wanted to add was that I noticed you seem to have a lot of things your worrying about that are beyond your control.
Visiting the medication choices with your doctor may be a good idea.  For me, I have come to the realization that I cant live a normal life without an antidepressant.  That is a difficult for most people but depression is no different than any other disease.  It is life alteering and can in extreme situations be deadly.  It is very important to seek help and to stay on top of your symptoms.
Keep posting, it does help and there are many supportive people always willing to help.  Take care

Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease

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