Maybe destinies are not all happy endings

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savetheday
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/21/2008 10:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello, I just joined this because I need someone to talk to. I am 24 and experiencing depression. I would not call it clinical depression because I still function at school and a job to the best I can because it's all I have. But I think about about suicide and my own death constantly.

I have never had a real relationship until the beginning of this year. It seemed 100% perfect, like we were two puzzle pieces that just fit together. It only lasted 3 months before she decided she did not love me anymore. Worse was that she was with someone else not even a week later. I couldn't eat. All I did was cry and pray, and I'm not very religious. But I thought only God could help. I wanted to sleep all the time because it was the closest thing to death.

Now, she will not even talk to me. I lost a lot of friends who all betrayed and hurt me. It's like I am not allowed to stand up for myself. It is like I am ridiculed and just supposed to take it. It feels to me like I am an outcast and that I was not supposed to have been born.

I cannot find anyone, I have no friends to talk to, I'm nothing and I'm nowhere. I hate myself more than anything in the world. I really believe I was not supposed to be here and that's why I am rejected by everyone. I try to date both girls and guys but neither want me. I cry so much my eyes burn for long periods of time. I just wanted to put this out there in hopes maybe someone can help or be my friend. =(

djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 7/22/2008 12:40 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi there and Welcome to HealingWell,

We are like a big family here and I want to be the first to welcome you into our new select group! Everyone on here has a problem or helps support someone with a problem.

The first thing that I wondered about after reading your post is whether you are bisexual? It makes no difference to us but it makes a difference to you and your self esteem. If you are hetrosexual but dating people of the same gender then it is confusing for you and will add to the frustration.

RE: The break-up... Im not sure I understand what you mean when you talk about 'It's like I am not allowed to stand up for myself. It is like I am ridiculed and just supposed to take it' . What is it that is happening?

Regarding your friendship problem... have you considered joining a social / hobby group? People who enjoy the same sorts of things as you do who socialise together?

You will always have friends here... Please keep talking to us

Your Friend

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
 
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Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
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Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 7/22/2008 1:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Savetheday,

You need to learn to love and have value for yourself. You shouldn't define yourself by how you relate to others, you need to relate to yourself first.

Is there noone in your life that you can talk too? What about your family?

Were you depressed before your relationship ended? or is it as a result of the break up?

Li
 
 
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 7/22/2008 4:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Savetheday

Welcome to the forum,we are very glad that you found us.
Relationship breakups take so much out of us,we think we have found the "one" and then they turn out to be something else.

Unfortunately,it seems that we have to go through some of the "bad seeds" before we find the one,and that sometimes takes awhile. You are still very young,and have your whole life ahead of you.

Focus on making sure that your future is secure,then focus on what makes you happy..then you will have "new eyes" as far as who is the perfect person for you.
Take it one day at a time,it will get easier,the pain will go away.... I promise.

Use this forum to talk,and help others,you will be amazed on how much better you feel just getting the feelings out.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40592
   Posted 7/22/2008 6:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Savetheday,

I am so happy that you found us. This is a good place to come to vent and just plain socialize. It is a safe place and there is no judging going on. I hope that you continue to post and let us know more about what is going on in your life. So hang in there and we will help as much as we can.

I hope that your day gets better.

Best wishes,
hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/22/2008 9:14 AM (GMT -7)   

savetheday

Welcome to HaelingWell and the Depression forum. You have come to a wonderful site that is full of warm and caring members.

There is something comforting about baring your soul to the members of Depression  and still being able to be anonymous. Talk to us as we know what your going through and where your coming from.  We do not judge and you will soon feel like you are in a great big family full of  support so stick with us.

Kitt


 


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~*
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Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
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hyde123
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 7/22/2008 10:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi savetheday,

I'm so sorry for what you are going through at the moment... I think many of us know what it feels like and it's hell. I am glad that you have found this support; I know you will find some comfort here with people that understand how you feel.

Like Li, I would be interested to know whether you felt like this before your break-up, or is it since that has happened? When my last boyfriend left me, it was one of the worst times of my life; my whole life had revolved around him, my friends were all his friends, and all of my interests were things that he did. I thought that I was being supportive and interested, but when we broke up I realised that I had nothing. He had been the centre of my world and when that was taken away I had no idea who I was...if that makes sense. I didnt eat for weeks, I just wanted to sleep all the time because then I wouldnt have to feel the pain, and would cry at everything. Everyone kept saying 'You'll get over it' and the ever popular 'There are plenty more fish in the sea', but you dont want to hear it. Its true, but it doesnt help at the time. So I can understand why you feel like you do and its horrible.

I think the bigger issue is how you feel about yourself, seeing as you say you think about your own death. Have you been to talk to anyone about this? Can you tell us more about how you are feeling? Again, did it start after your break-up? Your self esteem takes a big hit when someone you love leaves you, so Im wondering if its related. Just out of interest...what do you study at school and where do you work?

We are all here to support you in any way that we can...I know talking here has helped me a lot. Hopefully there more you let us know how you are feeling, the more help you can find here. Hope you are ok.
Kate

savetheday
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/22/2008 2:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the responses.

Yes, I am bisexual...though I lean toward girls a lot more. This is in itself upsetting for several reasons, one being that girls, at least around here, are not gay.

I have felt hopeless and sad due to other events before the relationship and got to finally feel like I belonged when I was with my ex-girlfriend. I did not see it coming when she broke up with me. No one can hold an attachment to me for very long and I think that says something.

I don't really anyone to talk to, most ppl have no idea about this side of me and hardly anyone ever asks about how I am, they jsut talk about themselves as if I am a therapist.

I did believe I had "m whole life ahead" when I felt like this at 18 and 19. Then it was not so hopeless. I do not feel like that anymore. I am getting older and the years past faster and I am pretty much obsessed with my age and everything I don't have that comes so easily for everyone else no matter what. I cannot even fathom looking in the mirror and being 40 or 50 years old. More and more I predict I will die of a suicide.

snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 7/22/2008 2:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Morning Savetheday,
We all remember our first love hell i married mine and that was 27yrs ago .But you are still so young and as you said you have your whole life ahead of you .My young son is going through his first real love at the moment and some of the things he is going for his girlfriend make me wonder if he is a man dressed in a boys body .It`s so wonderful to be able to love one so much that when they leave you they have left such an impact on your life .You mentionted about being two pieces of a puzzle just fitting together .
Now you are left to deal with all this on your own ,well my friend you are not on your own you have found a wonderful place to come and share yourself with .
Do you have any hobbies or other interests ,Are you in a position where you can go on a hoilday with others about your age or what ever age for that matter ,being around other people will help you so much .
As for your prediction of the future live in the present if we worry about whats ahead we will all certainly loose so much .I don`t look in a mirror if i can help it as all i see is cancer and it`s not a pretty site .so to hell with the mirror the dr told me to use make up and cover it up i told him why i can`t see it .
look inside your self you are a wonderful young man with a lot of love to give the right person when they come along .
I hope you find what you are looking for and the support in here is a great start .I hide behind this screen as my way of escaping i can talk freely about what i`m feeling and still no one really knows me .
Good luck .
Jane
~  we can not judge anyone unless we have walked in their shoes and have live through what they live through ~


skye_bella81
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 7/23/2008 10:04 PM (GMT -7)   

 

I would love nothing more than to be your friend and i say this knowing that if you hadn't been through all that you have, you would have never made it to this website and told me your story, your life , your journey. I am very sure that you have been through alot more than you have written, as i know too- that to get to breaking point all your thoughts, feelings and memories run very deep and you probably want to let more out.

I have had some bad times but looking back I now realise i would not appriciate my life as much as I do now with out all the the bad things I have been through. Please i would love to hear more about your life and would love you to email me at ----------@------.---. I really hope to hear from you soon

xx Skye

Reason for edit:

Im sorry but we take peoples email addresses out of posts for their own safety as this is a public forum. You can add your email to your profile by clicking CONTROL PANEL in the blue bar on the left (Top of the screen).

Post Edited By Moderator (djdaz_1985) : 7/24/2008 12:04:06 AM (GMT-6)

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