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ZariB
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 7/26/2008 9:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello, I am new to this and really not sure what to say. I am 15 years old and I always feel like there is just a big piece of me missing. I feel like everyone hates me and i just dont understand why I have to go through living this hellish life. My mother was a drug addict and i was taken away from her when i was five, as well as my brother. i live with one of my aunts and he live with my grandma. I never met my dad and he has never tried to make any contact with me. Speaking of parents my mother hasnt talked or even tried to contact me since 2008 mothers day and i was the one that tried to talk to her. but she was way to busy with one of her "friends" to even talk to me. she never calls on Christmas and always forgets my birthday. But she always seems to remember my brother "drews" birthday and always gives him something for christmas and birthday and i havent got a present from her since i was in the 4th grade. I am now in the 10th. But i dont even care aboout that. I just want someone to say that they love me, for me, not for someone they want me to be, but for me , with all my faults and weaknesses and strengths. I also have another brother but when i was 2 my mother let a different aunt and uncle adopt him. he is 1 year younger than me and he doesnt know that he was/is adopted.i just wish so much that he could know the truth about me. that i am not his cousin but his sister. and that i love him more than he could ever imagine.Besides this i have always struggled with my weight. not obesity i am just overweight but still that also does a lot to a persons self esteem. my grades arent the best that they can be and havent been for a while and when your guardian and her husband are both teachers, they have three kids that a- owns a school.. b-is a principle.. c-is another teacher. that means they all have to sit down sepretly and have a talk with you about your grades and how much screwin up your doing. and then they bring it up over and over and over again. it just makes me feel really bad about myself. So now lets talk about high school. In elementary school i had all kids of friends. every weekend i was going over to some friends house for a sleepover. Now people talk to me.  But thats all. It hurts to see them talkin and then when you walk over they all shut up and dont even try to ask whats going on cuz they dont even want to tell you cuz they think that you will tell everyone. When in truth your like a vault. you hold everything in secrets about yourself and even about other people. that involve feeling and memories that hurt too bad to even talk about. Teenage life sucks for pretty much everyone. i know that. but why does it seem like my life was/is so much harder than anone elses? I mean its hard to talk to anyoe even my aunts,grandma, anyone. because in my family you never talk about feeling unless they are happy ones and you have to suck it up cus ur tougher than that to let anything break you down. even if they are your own thoughts. 

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 7/27/2008 9:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear Xaxas,

First of all, welcome to Healing Well and we love you. You have come to a wonderful place where everybody is compassionate and kind. Also we feel your pain so we understand. I think you will like it here.

I am so sorry for what you have endured. It is so hard when your mother is struggling with addiction and doesn't seem to care. But I am sure that she really does. She is fighting her own demons. Hopefully in time, she will come around. Remember we seem to hurt the ones that we love. So I am sure that she really loves you, just doesn't seem to know how to show it.

I can understand why your grades aren't "perfect". You have so much going on and I am sure that it is hard to concentrate at times. I am glad that you are liveing in a safe place and that you are loved there. I know that you are loved. It is just a difficult situation at times. I hope some day you and your brothers can get together. We can't keep things secret for ever, so when you get older, maybe you can let them know what is 'really' going on. If you so choose to. That comes with time.

Keep posting, I am sure that you will get more responses and advice here. It is the weekend and sometimes not as many people are on the forum. We have other younger adult members so you should be able to connect with somebody who is your age and understands the things that you are going through.

You have entered a place where there is no judging. And the members are wonderfully understanding. So I hope you stay with us. Have patience. Things will work out for you. You sound to be a very special person.

Do you go to any type of counseling, we strongly recommend that here. We all go ourselves and it has helped many of us. So if things tend to get too difficult for you I would seek counseling, be it through school or otherwise.

I hope that you are having a wonderful day. Keep in touch.

Luv and hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Robyn-Michelle
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 26
   Posted 7/27/2008 5:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey hun,

I know what it's like to be young and depressed, I went through it all my life with nobody to talk to.
If you need a "pen pal" or just someone to talk to you can e-mail me ok? we can stay in touch and talk about whats going on.
Let's keep in touch ok? I wouldn't mind having someone to talk to either :)

I am a 22f from canada, in university living with my boyfriend. me and my parents rarely talk because of the way they treated me.
Wait until you are out on your own! things will look up honey.

your friend,
Robyn


(or click on my name and it will be in my profile :)

I am sorry sweetie, I removed your email address from the post.  It is just that nonmembers can get it, but since you have your address in your profile she can get it there.  It is for your own safety.  Best wishes, Karen...

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 7/27/2008 7:19:14 PM (GMT-6)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/27/2008 7:30 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello xaxas

Welcome to HealingWell, we are very pleased you found us and I understand how you feel.  My birth Mom died when I was 18 months old and my step mother was a functuional alcoholic who resented me.  I was raised an only child but I did have a wonderful Father.  He died when I was 39 so I do understand loss.

I feel you have had it rough and what your looking for is real love.

Unconditional love—true love—is so different from the kind of love most of us have known all our lives that it deserves both a name—Real Love—and definition of its own: Real Love is caring about the happiness of another person without any thought for what we might get for ourselves. It’s also Real Love when other people care about our happiness unconditionally. It is not Real Love when other people like us for doing what they want. Under those conditions we’re just paying for love again. We can be certain that we’re receiving Real Love only when we make foolish mistakes, when we fail to do what other people want, and even when we get in their way, but they don’t feel disappointed or irritated at us. That is Real Love (true unconditional love), and that love alone has the power to heal all wounds, bind people together, and create relationships quite beyond our present capacity to imagine.

First of all learn to love yourself, you are not here to do what you feel others want you to do but to do what is best for you according to your standards.  You will find the kind of love your looking for.  Neer give up and keep talking to us.

Gentle Hugs to you
Kitt


 


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 7/28/2008 1:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Xaxas,

It sounds like things are really difficult for you right now, you should be so proud of yourself for coming through hard times! Your doing really well.

I think you should try some counselling, it really helps to talk to someone who will listen without making judgement.
 
 
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."


ZariB
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 7/28/2008 11:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all so much for listening to me and sharing your advice with me. I actually do see a therapist. Just not as much as I would like to.You guys have made me feel a little bit better about my situation and made me think that maybe someone out there really does care about what I have to say. Thank you.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 7/28/2008 2:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi ZariB,

I am happy that the members here were able to help you. I hope that you continue to post and give and receive advice here. This is a good place and the people really do care.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/28/2008 2:41 PM (GMT -7)   
 
Hey there, we do genuinely care about you.  That is what we are here for to listen to people and to help them through the tought times as well as celebrate the good times too.
Stick with us, we love new members and this is a great family.
Hugs
Kitt
 
 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

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