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Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 7/29/2008 4:49 AM (GMT -6)   
My grandfather passed away a few weeks ago.  I never liked the man, he was a racist and did not have a lot of respect for women.  But, I miss him.  
I also just had my birthday, I'm now 34 years old.  My boyfriend and I had been doing really well, but lately it feels strained.  He made reservations at a great restaurant and we had a lovely meal.  But, I can't stop comparing what he got his two year niece, a $250 emerald necklace, to what I got, a bunch of flowers thrown together at the last minute.  (He was 30 minutes late.)  I'm not typically a greedy or selfish person, but I think deep down inside I may have been hoping for a ring.  But, we haven't even been together that long, it's only been 5 1/2 months or so.  We've talked about our future together, but he doesn't seem to actually want to make any plans.  I want to have kids before it's too late and he doesn't seem that concerned.  He says he wants them, but if it doesn't happen it's not that big of a deal to him.  Where I really want them.  But, I'm not sure it it's because I really want them or because I've internalized my mom's strong desire to be a grandmother.  
Plus, his sister-in-law is in the process of donating her eggs to her twin sister, so she can have a baby.  Which has us divided.  I think it's great that she's giving so selflessly of herself, whereas my boyfriend and her husband are completely against it, since it's unnatural.  In their mom's words, "there's a reason why they can't have a baby and they shouldn't." 
I have an appointment with my therapist Thursday morning, so I can unload some of this stuff, it's just been a few hard weeks.
Thanks for listening.    

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 7/29/2008 5:17 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Sadsong,

Some people are just different I guess, some people like to plan and some just like to take one day at a time. My boyfriend is similar to yours in that he talks about the future, but won't make any sort of solid plans, whereas I like to plan a lot. I guess we just have to learn to work round our differences and be accepting! 5 1/2 months is early days, your still getting to know each other!
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 7/29/2008 6:26 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Sadsong
I have been wondering how you are doing.
Happy Birthday, I wish it would have been alot better.

Most men are afraid of commitment..simple as that,you really haven't been together a long time,so give it more time.
Keep communication open,that is very important. And after a couple of years then you can start giving hints.

For now,I would worry about you. Make sure you are ok in your own skin before you think about major changes in your future.

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.

I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 7/29/2008 3:18 PM (GMT -6)   
less than a half of a year isn't a long definitely need more time to figure out if you 2 are right together. Good luck with everything and keep us updated

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/29/2008 7:11 PM (GMT -6)   


Happy Birthday to you..............whoo hooo.  Celebrate your birthday and remember he did take you out.  Remember to go slow and don't expect to much so soon. 

It does not matter what he got his neice, he was with you last night and that says a lot. Now, if you could would you post under the Good Stuff.  I will pull it up for you.

Big are loved by many.




Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety, Panic & Depression 
*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 7/30/2008 4:57 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you to all for responding. It's always nice to know that there are folks here who are understanding, compassionate, and supportive. Today will be a better day. The sun is already shining! :)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 7/30/2008 5:23 AM (GMT -6)   

Hiya Sadsong,

Im really sorry to hear about your loss but I am glad that you seem to be coping OK. Try and get out in the sun if you can and do a little exercise. It does wonders for your mood.

I hope today is better for you!


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
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Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
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Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 7/30/2008 6:06 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm doing okay, thanks for asking. I did 20 minutes of Yoga this morning before going into work. Took a 20 minute walk on my lunch break and have been picking up my apartment, since I've gotten home. I do feel better the more active I am.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40405
   Posted 7/30/2008 9:46 PM (GMT -6)   
That is so true for all of us. It is just getting started sometimes. Once you get going, the more that you do, the more that you are able to do.

Best wishes to you,
hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 8/1/2008 4:56 AM (GMT -6)   
I saw my therapist yesterday. We had a really great discussion about everything I've been bottling up lately. She reinforced that I'm not crazy and that it's okay to plan ahead, we just can't know what will happen in the future. So, I'm gonna finally open a bank account to start saving for a down payment on a house. I've been talking about it for about 9 months now. But, haven't actually opened one. My mom gave me a check for my birthday and along with the change around the house I'm gonna start putting it in the bank towards something worthwhile. I may also be getting a promotion at work - I should know next month sometime - so I figure the additional income can go directly into that account too.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 416
   Posted 8/1/2008 5:55 AM (GMT -6)   
Good for you Sadsang,
I'm so glad your opening a savings account. That is a really good goal to set for yourself. You can do it and when you do, you'll have good motivatin and you'll feel so good about yourself. You will have a good safety net which should rase your anxiety of the future. So glad to hear the good news. Love to you!
"There is hope for every man, a solid place where we can stand, in this dry in weary land, there is hope for every man... Jesus is hope for every man"  -Casting Crowns

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