Hello everyone.. I'm new here and kind of seeking some sort of support. I don't really have anyone to really talk to about this stuff, and I really feel that I need to talk about this to someone.
So here's my big long story if anyone's willing to read this.
So pretty much all my life I've been extremely shy and never really have been able to make that many friends. In addition to that I'm gay, and haven't really felt like I've belonged anywhere - even at home I felt scared since my parents are more on the conservative side. I would constantly play video games as an attempt to escape reality. When I was around 13 years old, I pretty much made my very first friend. I met him on an online game (yeah, I know, kinda pathetic). We got along really well, and we ended up spending loads of time together, and continued to stay in contact even after we had both quit the online game.
During this time, I never really attempted to make any more friends, since I felt like he was more or less the only person I could really connect with. I pretty much dedicated my whole life to spending time with him, outside of school/homework and such. After around 4 years of spending nearly 10 hours a day talking with each other online, we became extremely attached to each other - and I found my self falling in love with him. On our fourth year as friends we officially decided to become a couple.
After deciding to be a couple, we spent pretty much every single moment we could online talking with each other. We planned out meeting up in person after high school, going to college together, etc. We thought we were going to end up spending the rest of our lives together as a couple. These plans, however, never came to reality. Our plans for meeting together during the summer, as well as going to the same college both fell apart due to financial problems. This left me and him (me moreso though) miserable a lot of the time, since we had looked forward to it so much...
Despite the hardships we've had due to distance, we (at least I thought we did) had a strong relationship, and that we would be able to withstand anything, as long as we had each other... Around 10 months into our relationship, my parents decided to go on a family trip for spring vacation. I believed I wouldn't be able to have access to the internet for a whole wee. In addition to that, I was sick with food poisoning and really wanted to spend the last day before break with him online, since I was feeling horrible. He had been working pretty much every day of the week, and we finally had time to talk on the very last day before my trip. Well, rather than spending time with each other, he decides to go to the movies with "a friend." I got mad at him for this, and said a few things that upset him before I left for the trip.
It turned out that I was lucky enough to be able to have net access where I was spending the week, so I got online to try and talk to him. Whenever I messaged him, however he would either just ignore me or log out right after. I emailed him everyday apologizing, but he wouldn't reply at all. When I got back home from the trip about a week later, he finally decided to start talking to me again... And confessed that he had cheated on me with the friend who he went to the movies with (who also ended up being a GIRL...) I gave him the chance to choose her over me and he chose her... I broke up with him after that.
I tried staying in touch with him afterwards... just being friends but it hurt too much to have him betray me like that... The person I grew up with, trusted, and loved so deeply wasn't the person I thought he was... Earlier in our relationship, we even had talked about cheating... and that I would prefer him to just break up with me if things got to that point rather than him ending up cheating on me. I tried talking out how I felt to him, but he twists my words and tries to make me seem like the bad guy every time... And it hurts a lot..
It's been 6 months after the breakup, and I still haven't really gotten much better. I've made two somewhat close friends, and have doing my best to spend time with them... But there's a hole in my heart that isn't being filled... Even with the support of my family and friends, I feel so lonely and empty.