STILL DOWN,BUT FEELING A LITTLE BIT BETTER:
Hi getting by;
I went to see my phyciatrist yesterday,and it was a struggle,but I told him that I was told that I have some Effexor XR,in the medical supply room with my name on it.He ask me how I knew that.I told hime that I had spoke to his nurse last month and she was the one that told me,that I was recieving a bottles of 90 pills a month.They are only 150mg,I told him that when I was on them before,I was taking 150mg in the morning and 75mg at night before I would go to bed.He said that if he needed to,he would order the 75mgs,if he thinks that I am going to need them.He wants to see me back agian next month.Right now he wants to take the sample pack that he gave me,that has ten 75mg.in it in the morning with half of the pill that he had me on,which was the Celexa.Then in ten days,I can go a head and take the 150mg. I try to keep telling him that he does not know my body like I do.I know what I was on last time,and how good it really helped me.I am hoping that he will end up putting me on the 150mg.at night and the 75mg.in the night.
It was a rough week last week,but with your help,you got me through the better of it.I was really Thursday and Friday.I really did not think I was going to make it.I am glad that my husband was very understanding.On one of my problems,I am going to have to get a lawyer involved in it. The ones that I owe money to for my medical bills are starting to call me wanting their monthly payment.I am trying to explain the situation to them,but they don't want to listen.I get up set over that,and that start a trend and continues all day long.I wish I could died and went to hell,and return to sender,call no longer pay the bill.Take it and shove it,or write it off as a loss.
When I say my prayers at night,I end up crying myself to sleep.For some reason I can not stop thinking about all of my family that I was close to,who is now is heaven.I have a cousin that has been dead a little over two and a half years,and I still can not get him out of my mind.He was like a second father to me,a brother,a really close friend and everything else that you want to call it.I could always turn to him with any question about the family that I had,or any child hood deseases that I might of had when I was a child that I did not know about.He knew just about everything about my side of the family's medical history.Now that he is gone,I have no one to turn to for answers.I can only hope that the Effexor XR will help all of this go away.Should I be ashamed of feeling the way I do?
Thank you once again for reading this and listening to me.
IT JUST HAPPENED AGAIN
Hi getting by,
I was doing fine,as I decided to go lay down for a few minutes,when my husband came in and wanted to make love to me,I guess to try and make me feel better.Well,we were doing our thing and I was really focused on it,when all of a sudden,I started to cry again.What is wrong with me,I am trying to hard to relax my mind?
I tried to get into that e-mail address you gave me for that poem,and could not.I may have wrote it down wrong.Would you send it to me again please.I would love to read it.
My brain feels a scrambled egg all of the time,here lately.I know that I have a lot going on,all at the same time.But I just want it end.I feel digging a hole about six feet deep and just falling into,and someone come a long and fill the hole back up with me in it.
I just feel so mixed up right now,and don't know which way to turn any more,because everytime a I turn around,I seem to hit a snag and fall down again.I want so much to go to sleep and never wake up again.Then all of my problems will be over with for me.There are times,when I wonder how my husband puts up with me,with some of the moods that I get in.He tells me that I am my own worst enemy.
Like I said I wish that we could talk on the phone,but I know that is not allowed.
Well that is all for now.Thanks for everything.Hope to hear from you soon.
Luv and Hugs
To get to Desiderata you should be able to just click on this:
http://www.freewebs.com/crys/ This will take you there, you shouldn't have to type in anything. Just click on the blue letters.
If it doesn't work just type in Desiderata. That will take you.
I use to cry during sex because it was such a release. I would cry at that appropriate time. It doesn't mean you don't like sex it just means that you are comfortable enough to release emotions. Which is good.
Just try to take things as they come. I know that you have a lot going on, but take it slow. Try to only focus on one thing at a time. You don't want to go into overload. Try to stay in the moment, you will do fine. You are a wonderful person who just has a lot on their plate right now. Go slow. You can do this. I hope that you can get to the poem.
Luv and hugs sweetie, Karen
I AM KIND OF A MEDIUM MOOD RIGHT NOW
Hi getting by
I was able to pull up that poem and read it.I was really a nice heart felt poem.I wish that there was a way to e-mail on the others that need it.I mean just the poem itself.
You seem to know me like we were neighbores or sisters.I don't know that much about you,but I have told you a lot about me.
I feel a little bit of peace of mind,but I still have that crying on the inside of me.
I forgot to tell you that I printed out that poem,and will keep it a safe place,for when I need to refer to it,I will always have it..
You have been so kind,understanding,and always there when I need you.
Well that is it for now,I will stay in touch.Once again,thanks for everything.You to are a sweet person and you know all of the right words so say when one is down.
Luv and Hugs san's (Sandy)
I HAVE FALLEN DOWN AGAIN IN MY DEPRESSION:
Hi getting by;
I have had a pretty confused,stressed out week,and I am really down and need to talk to some one.
I have been running back and forth to the doctors all last week,and Friday I found out that I have the beginning of Neuropathy in my legs and feet.That is a desease of the nerves.My husband has it,and I know what he goes through,and I don't want to go through it knowing the pain that he is in.I have enough problems with my body as it is now,with adding any more on to it.
My younger son came over this morning to fix my computer,as I am using his old one,that is set up as if it were mine,and he let it slip that today he and his family,plus the rest of the family,except for my husband and I were all invited to her 5th year old birthday party cook-out.I know that I should be used to it by now,but it still hurts,when I hear that the whole family in invited except us.This has been going on for about 10 years or longer now.It is all because of my handicap son.I know that I was not the best of a mother,and was not home much in the evenings when my youngest got to be about age 4.I would run off to the bar for a drink or two with my second husband,whom I am still with.Plus we would go out on the weekend for a few drinks leaving them at home with a sitter.So now all of this is being held against,and my older son is not letting me see my two beautiful grand daughter of his.One is 5,and the other is about 3 or 4 months old now.He will not let them except cards,money,or gifts for us.But both my husband and I have realized our mistakes,and because of what happened in the past we are much better grand parents now.Both my daughter in law and son have told him so,but he will not listen.He has basicly dis-owened me as his mother.
On top of all of that,I have so many medical problems that most of them are going to end up with surgery.This Wednesday I have to have Barium Enama done,because I am having a double colonoscopy done on the 3rd of October.Then I am have a pre-op appointment with my primary doctor this Thursday for my pre-op clearance,in hope that my blood pressure will come down enough to pass.All of the is because I need to my left ankle operated on,as well as have the bottom of my left foot cut open again.I will be in a cast for at least 6 to 8 weeks.I am waiting for cancelation or it will be sometime after the 15 of September.Then I have to have eye lid surgery done.My eye lids are falling over my pupils and it is getting hard for me to see.I go to the plastic surgeon next week.So I will have to wait and hear for a date on that.Then the good one.I have to go to a URO GYN to have him check out my rectum,and find out why I am leaking out all of the brownish mucus from my butt and sometimes my vagina.This is all part of the double colonoscopy,but the same doctor is not the URO GYN.After I meet with him,I have to meet with my Uroligist the next day,then those two will get together and make a decission on should be done.I want this Inter Stem out of my butt that controls my bladder that has not been working very goood,out of me.I also want my rectum closed off,as I am tired of all of this drainage,I have to stuff toilet paper up my butt when ever I go some place or I am in trouble.I also want my bladder removed.I have had 4 bladder surgeries and not of them have worked.I have all of this on my mind,and I just can't seem to focus on one thing at a time.I just want to get it all down now and get it over with.I know that it is not going to happen like that,but I wish it could.I feel like my brain is scrambled.It has been like this for a long time.
Did I tell you that I am back on my Effexor 150mg.I think that is part of why my blood pressure is up as well as the rest of the stuff I am going through.
Well that is it for now,I hope to hear back from you soon.