This has to stop.

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Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 8/8/2008 12:17 AM (GMT -6)   
Just two weeks ago I was happy...functional, everything. Nothing CHANGED. Nothing HAPPENED. But now it's 1:00 am and I can't sleep anymore, and my mind is crashing out of control. I can't stop thinking

I keep listening to the same song over and over again. (Lenda, by Ceu) And every second after everyone has gone to bed my mind cannot focus on anything but my mingling mantra-- "It could all be over tomorrow. It could all be over tomorrow."

All the while I have this image in my mind of myself laying on asphault as far as the eye can see with no one around, no sun in the sky but it's pale, pale, blue and blindingly hot. My fingers are clutching at the ground but there's nothing, not even a crack. There's all this space but I can't run and all my mind can think about is how pretty the heat waves look. And then a storm comes up suddenly and the sky darkens winds howl but I'm still just clutching at the ground and thinking about how pretty the thunder sounds and how the black asphault looks like a black sea with rain being pelted down on it. I can feel how my cotton shirt gets weighed down with water and how it clings to my skin and I can feel myself thinking how unfortunate it is that I chose to wear a white shirt, but that it doesn't really matter because no one is around. I can feel how my finger tips are pink and raw struggling to grip the perfectly flat unmarred ground, I can see my chipped nailpolish (white) in contrast to the ground. I'm not wearing nailpolish, don't own a bottle but I can see it. I can see that world through eyes with eyelashes weighed down with rain drops, sparkly yet painful to the eyes. I can feel my feet grow wrinkled from the soggy drenched socks I am wearing.

I can't stop thinking. But these thoughts don't even feel like mine, it's as if they've just appeared and taken over my life. All I feel is the WEIGHT in my shoulder and arms and even now my fingers are the only extensions that I don't have to struggle to find motivation to use. I can't stop thinking and I haven't slept in days. No more than three hours.

I have no idea what to do or why this is happening.


I edited your post due to rule #1 of our site:
1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm). Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.

Please refer to our rules:

Post Edited By Moderator (ShynSassy) : 8/8/2008 5:33:27 AM (GMT-6)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 8/8/2008 2:45 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Rosa,

I am really glad that you have found us here. You are certainly not on your own with what you feel and we will all try and support you as best we can. I think you need top seek professional help with this one, especially given the speed at which this has happened. You could also try talking to a helpline when you feel these thoughts coming on.

Please keep talking to us


1-800-784-2433 (US - National Suicide Helpline)
08457 90 90 90 (UK - Samaritans)
Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
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Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 8/8/2008 6:35 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Rosa

Please use the numbers that Darren gave to you,I also wanted to include another one:

When was the last time you were at the doctor's office? I think that you need to make an appt asap.
You have to deal with what is causing your depression in order to get better,they might consider putting you on either new meds or different meds if you are already on some.

We will be here to listen.

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.

I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/8/2008 9:20 AM (GMT -6)   

Hello Rosa and welcome to HealingWell and the Depression forum.  I am sorry you are in a bad place and you are not alone now.  You have us to talk to.

May I suggest you see your PCP to have a physical to rule out and medical problems that may be causing your sudden change of mood.

Keep talking to us.  We are glad to help you in any way we can.

Gentle Hugs



Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
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getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40403
   Posted 8/8/2008 10:28 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello Rosa,

I just wanted to welcome you to HealingWell. I agree with the advice above, you really need to get some help with these issues. I must say though, you should get into some type of discriptive writing. Write these things down on paper as you feel them. You have a talent with the way that you write.

But please get some help, it is hard to say why these thoughts are going on in your head.

I wish you the best, keep posting for we are here for you.

hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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