I am losing my mind......

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JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 8/10/2008 7:37 AM (GMT -7)   
I just don't get it........someone please help me to understand.  DH has been silent for weeks, gets mad at me when I try and talk to him etc......So I just leave him be and go about my own life, being here when he needs me etc.
 
Today he magically gets out of bed and gets up early to get ready to go play b-ball (he is on a team) talking smiling etc.
 
Asks me if I am coming up to watch and hang out.......I am shattered!  I try and tell him how happy I am that he is feeling better?  However his sudden excitement for something that really doesn't include me hurts.  Here I have been waiting and hoping he would feel better and the only thing that does is something not related to me.  How do you not take that personally.  Then he gets mad at me for my feelings, tells me I have ruined the morning and I should be happy for him.  Instead all I needed was some validation that he does love me and does enjoy my company.....instead I am made to feel like I ruin everything and pretty much mean nothing.  I am at a loss.........It is all about him, nevermind that he has been cold and uncaring, I should just get used to that.
 
Sigh.......any advice?  Feeling very yucky right now.  What did / am I doing wrong here?
 
-Thanks......Jenn

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40576
   Posted 8/10/2008 11:14 AM (GMT -7)   
I think that being that he asked you to come along means a lot. He wants you to share his fun time. There is nothing wrong with going to play ball. I thinkt that you should go with him. I am sure that he is thankful for everything that you have done for him. This is actually a good sign, he is going out and doing something. Try to forget the rough time that you two have been through with him secluding himself and live in the moment. You aren't doing anything wrong. I think he just caught you off gaurd. You weren't expecting him to get up and want to go out and do something. Be happy for him, go along and share the fun. I think that he loves you a lot and wants you to see him happy.

Don't let him cause you to feel bad, you couldn't have possibly ruined his whole day. He just got flustered and didn't know what else to say. His problems and moods are his and his alone. So try to make the best of it and go out with him and have a good time.

I know that it is difficult for you watching the highs and lows. But be patient, hopefully this will even out.

You are doing good and keep it up. You can do this, Iknow that you can.

Keep posting, we are here for you.

HUgs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/10/2008 5:14 PM (GMT -7)   
 
Hello and please remember only you can let what someone else says or does hurt your feelings.  You also have the right to choose to go to the game because your want to, not just to please another. 
 
As the depressed person I have told my hubby to go without me or if I am able to go somewhere and he does not want to go, I just go and try not to analyze the situation to deeply.
 
You need to be comfortable with yourself and your feelings so I hope that therapy will help you to understand or to help you make decisions in your life.
 
You have my support.
Take care.
Kitt
 
 
 
 


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Post Edited (stkitt) : 8/11/2008 6:18:09 PM (GMT-6)


JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 8/11/2008 7:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Kit and Karen thanks for the sound advice......I did go to the game and it was nice......he actually seems to be coming out of the darkest part of this moment I think. I do not want to get my hopes up but he actually seemed like he was back yesterday. We went and had a burger after his game and he actually started telling me about some of what he has been feeling. At one point he stated the "you know at last weeks game I didn't even play, I didn't want to so I don't always have fun without you", I told him I didn't realize that, how could I if he doesn't tell me what he's going through. He said he didn't want to unload on me.........I told him that's what I am here for.....and that I can't try to understand unless he opens up and let's me support him when it's needed.

Maybe we are making progress....again I do not want to jinx myself........Time will tell I guess. But right now there is hope.

I still think we need to visit his PCP and get his meds adjusted as something is not working as well as it should. I also want to ask her about the abilify that I thinnk Karen recommended.

Anyways just a little update.

-Jenn

JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 8/11/2008 3:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Boy oh boy was I wrong........The dark cloud of doom is back upon us. Why did I even hope? Walked the dogs to get out of the house......watered flowers which I will go and make an arrangement of shortly to brighten my space.....but wow I still cannot believe this is happening to me!

Quite honestly I am getting to the point where I can't do this anymore..........How is that for a supportive spouse? :(

-Jenn

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40576
   Posted 8/11/2008 3:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jenn,

Here is hoping that this is just a bump in the road for you and that tomorrow will be a brighter and more lovely day for you.

I think it is great that you were able to spend time with your dogs and that you were able to water and pick some flowers. Those are two of my favorite things to do. I have two dogs that I try to walk daily and a greenhouse and yard full of flowers. I appreciate these things so much. Brings you back to earth especially when life gets hard.

I hope that you have a wonderful evening.

Hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 8/11/2008 4:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Karen..........Tomorrow is another day!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40576
   Posted 8/11/2008 5:17 PM (GMT -7)   
You are absolutely right Jenn, tomorrow is another day. And I hope that it is a good day for you. You deserve to have everyday be special. And that is my wish for you.

Each day we live is a gift and we should try to see something good in every day. Even when I have a crappy day, and I have my share, I look for something good from that day. I usually can find at least one thing that was good, or that didn't go wrong.

I hope that your evening is wonderful.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Wifeofdepression
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 8/11/2008 5:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Jenn,
Dogs are wonderful. They never let you down. They snuggle when you want to snuggle and play when you want to play! This is why I have 3 of them.
You are on a roller coaster ride. Some days you are on the big loops, other days on the flat part waiting to see if the ride is almost over or if you are going into another drop. Some days you want to get off. Other days you feel up for it. Right now I am not up for it.
Your DH sounds like he is where my husband was 18 months ago. It got alot worse--alot worse. Now we are about back to the games he played 18 months ago, but he is not sleeping his life away.
Lynne

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/11/2008 5:31 PM (GMT -7)   

Jenn,

I am sorry and don't beat yourself up sweetie, you are doing the best you can. With his sudden mood swings I wonder if he perhaps needs to be on a mood stablizer.  Mood Stabilizers are commonly listed as Anti-Convulsants because of their calming effect and action dealing with seizures. The have lately become very effective in treating such things as Bipolar Disorder, Depression and Anxiety.  They are very broad in their individul effects and would be hard to list all of the necessary information here.

A few of the more popular mood stabliziers are Lithium, Topomax, Lamictal, Depakote and Tegretol.

I am glad you went for your walk but my heart goes out to you as I know how alone you are feeling right now.  The man you married is locked inside this depressed person and you are trying to find a way to get him back and survive yourself.

My email is always open Jenn so if you want to email me for any reason, please do.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt

 


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 8/11/2008 6:23 PM (GMT -7)   
I think karen recommended a mood stabilizer by the name of abilify?? Maybe it wasn't her........but anyways I looked it up and did my research and yes I think that is what he needs......I sent him a link today after things went so well yesterday I thought he would see I was being supportive. NOT!!

His last therapist that he went to wanted to put him on lithium....he did his own research and decided he didn't want to do that....which is fine as I told him tonight however there are others.........I really believe this is something he needs to try.....

Thanks all for your support and advice......Karen and Kitt....Love you both you are the best!!

JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 8/11/2008 6:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Lynne.....I am so sorry to hear things have regressed for you!! I wish the best for you and hope your life gets better again....sounds like it did.......

You're right dogs are the best, 2 dogs, 2 cats and 2 kids......would not trade any of them for the world....they make my days brighter. I too had 3 dogs for awhile....lost my oldest in march all the time we thought she had arthritis, she had doggie MS......diagnosised one week.....gone the next. But the other two learned from her and are my cuddle time when I need it.....I can't imagine my llife without them!

Right now I want to get off.........how terrible of a spouse is that?

Keep in touch all......you have no idea how much I appreciate being able to feel like I am not alone.

-Jenn

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40576
   Posted 8/11/2008 8:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Jenn,

I have two dogs too. A german shepard and a pitbull/australian cattle dog. I love them both. I did have three too, but I lost one last summer to a stroke. It was really sad. But these two are so sweet and show unconditional love to everybody. My shepard is a little spoiled though.

I hope that your husband gets the help that he needs. And yes, I mentioned abilify. But if the doctor thinks lithium will help and he will try it, that is cool. I just want to see him get some help so you can get back to normal. Good luck with the new med. Keep us posted on how he is doing.

Luv and hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/11/2008 9:48 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey Jenn,

Karen's dog is so cute, she should post a picture of Dharma.   I have a Doberman, Morgan. She is a retired show-dog.  I had her grandmother too until last November when we had to have her put to sleep.  I still cry for her.

As far as the  mood stablizer, Karen is correct in suggesting Abilify.  Abilify is an atypical, and is a top ranked mood stabilizer. It helps with agitation, irritability, mania and depression. It usually starts helping the first day taken. It comes in multiple size tablets, 5, 10, 15, 20 and 30mg. Because the tablets can be cut in half it makes for easy titration of dose. Abilify also has a long duration of action so it doesn't hurt to be late or miss a dose. It also doesn't matter whether you have eaten before taking.

Glad your talking with us helps you.

Take care and know we support you.

Hugs
Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 8/12/2008 4:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Karen and Kitt once again......He refuses the lithium, didn't like what research he did. Maybe the abilify is the key, provided I can convince him to even get to the PCP and have this demon checked out.

My two dogs are a black lab (madison) and an australian shepard (ella).....ella is the baby only 8 months and madi is 5 yo. They are my calm in the storm.

I will update you with hopefully good news.

Have a great day!!

-Jenn
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