Dunno what to do so...

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Inno
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 8/10/2008 4:11 PM (GMT -7)   
I'll start from the start.

Like I say it's not one thing now that's making me depressed, it's a combination of everything. I feel like I've been fighting solidly for 18 months and I just don't have any fight left in me.

I was living with a woman for 8 years, she had 4 kids, 2 disabled - I stopped working for 7 years to help her care for the disabled kids (not mine, I hasten to add) - we had a kid of our own but she lost interest in him after he was out of nappies.

She has this horrible secret about the kids not being her ex-husbands that I have to keep, and I still have to this day.

One day she decides to tell me it's not working and we're gonna split, but I'm taking Shawn (my son) as she can't cope with him. I agree to stay in the house until end of school term so he's not unsettled, but then she starts shacking up with my best mate, so I just can't stay there.

I move back in with my mum and dad, me sleeping on a couch until a house is sorted for me and Shawn.

I get a job, not a good one, long hours - 12.30-9.30 4 or 5 days a week, and sometimes 6-7 days in a row. My mum and dad looked after Shawn after school so I could work. My mum has suffered heart, blood and circulation problems since I was 12, and Shawn has signs of ADHD or ADD (it runs on my ex's side of the family) so he's a handful.

My ex left me with 11grand of debt so I'm in the midst of bankruptcy, plus my ex only contacts my son once a week on the phone for maybe a minute at most and plays mind games with me, always boasting about where she's going on holiday, and what her new man has bought her blah blah. She contributes nothing to his upkeep cos "she's poor"

I coped for a while and was lucky enough to meet a woman who took me for who I was and loved me as much as I loved her.

Stress and depression eventually got to me and I was signed off work, for 12 weeks now (after they accused me of making it up) and given citalopram 20mg to take. I was just about coping, but this week my girlfriend decided we shouldn't be together any more, on the eve of our first anniversary.

I've just about had enough. I have my son living with me now or I don't think I'd be here now. I just can't take any more problems all at once and I have problems opening up and talking to people. I'm fine writing this, but if I talk, I just act like I'm OK and everything's good.

My doctor has given me an appointment with a counsellor but it's not until September. Right now, I have problems getting up in the morning. I hardly get off my couch and I fall asleep in the day but can't sleep at night. I just don't know what to do now. People offer to talk to me but I can't - I worry more about landing my problems on them than dealing with them myself.

I just want to feel better but I can't or I don't think I deserve it.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 8/10/2008 4:57 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Inno,

You have been a wonderful father, I don't know where you think you don't deserve to be happy.  As for the mother of your son, from what you have said, she doesn't even deserve to see him.  It doesn't sound like she even cares.  She obviously isn't well. 

I am sorry about your latest breakup.  But I think that it is better that you find out now instead of after a really long time.  It would have been that much harder.  It sounds like she isn't worth the mental anguish that she has caused you.  Neither one of them are. 

Keep trying to make a good home for your son.  Start working on yourself.  September isn't that far off.  We are here for you until (and after) you get into counseling.  I know that it will help you to cope with all that you have been through. 

Have you had your son to the doctor?  He might benifit from something for his adhd.  Or would you rather not go the drug route?  I don't blame you if you feel that way.  Sometimes they are too quick to prescribe things.  When it can be worked out without meds.

I hope that you can come to realize that you really are a good person and worthy of being happy.  Just don't give up, you have come too far. 

I hope that this helps some.

hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/10/2008 5:00 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello Inno,

Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum. You have found a wonderful place where you will meet many  members that know what your going through and where your coming from.

I am so sorry about your failed relationships.  Your second one may have been just to soon after the first one.  We often reach out for comfort when we have been hurt and think we are doing the right thing.  You are not deserving of misery.  No one is my friend.  Why do bad things happen to good people?  I do not know but I am very happy you have come here so please feel comfortable talking to us.

First of all making an appointment to see a counselor was a wise idea.  You can develop a one on one relationship with this person and learn skills to help you cope and to get you out of the dark place you are in right now.

I am so happy you have your son.  Remember he needs you and he is the one person in the world that loves you unconditionally............what a wonderful feeling that is.

Your life has come apart at the seams and the flood of emotions are very difficult for you to deal with. There are many ways of dealing with the break up of a relationship  and the depression that comes along with it. One thing that is very important in these trying times is a good support network. You are talking to us and to your folks, you have your appointment and I hope you have a few close friends. 

Do not be afraid to talk as your feelings do need to come out.

One thing that you will have to realize is the fact that the healing process is a time consuming process.  You are just starting on this journey so be good to yourself and believe.................believe that there is good in this world and you are entitled to be happy.

Bless you and keep posting.
Kitt

 


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Inno
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 8/10/2008 5:05 PM (GMT -7)   
My first ex, Gill - her son was prescribed 45mg of Ritalin and it made a difference. I see a lot of his traits in my Shawn, so I'm open to the drug route, but I'd rather not go that route if possible. I've tried to get him diagnosed but the doctor I need doesn't work during school holidays! My own doctor can't do anything at the moment until this other doctor gets in touch with me.

As for Kate, my latest ex - she has her own problems going on and I'm not wanting to be part of them - she has CP and other issues. I look at it and I can see why we've split it just came out of the blue and we're both working at staying friends, although it's harder for me - she has a whole network of close friends to help her out, I just have a few peeps online and chat by phone (which isn't my strongest suit as you can imagine) that I call friends. I don't like imposing myself on anyone though.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 8/10/2008 5:21 PM (GMT -7)   
I can relate to that, I know I don't like putting my problems on others either. That is what is so good about this forum. You can say whatever you need to and you know that other people here do understand because they have been there. They can see your problems more objectively than you can because we don't know eachother. It makes it a lot easier for me anyway. I have problems talking face to face except with my counselor and psychiatrist. But I know that is what they get paid for and they are really easy to talk to anyway. They have helped me so much. I don't know where I would be without them.

I hope that you continue to open up here, you will soon find that there are others in your position. You might want to read some other posts and see if anything relates. There are posts on depressed spouses and other topics that could become of interest to you.

Keep posting,

hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Inno
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 8/11/2008 8:31 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm just more and more tired of it all today. I'm not sleeping at night well, if at all - I can't go into my own bedroom as Kate's stuff is still in there and looking at it just starts me crying again.

I must sound like a total wuss compared to some of the real problems other people have :(

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 8/11/2008 9:01 AM (GMT -7)   
You don't sound like a wuss. There have been many other similar threads on here like yours. People losing their mates and grieving over it. It takes time to get over somebody that you love. So keep posting, we will try to help you through this.

I trhink that the most important thing is to start working on your self esteem.  And your depression.  Are you seeing anybody at this time for counseling?  It is so important to have that sounding board.  I hope that you chose to do so soon.  Also maybe you need some medications for depression.  That would help you a lot I think.  So think about seeing your doctor and discussing getting some therapy.  A little therapy never hurt anybody.

Good luck with this, Keep posting.

hugs, Karen...


  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Post Edited (getting by) : 8/11/2008 10:04:19 AM (GMT-6)


Inno
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 8/11/2008 9:05 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm on citalopram 20mg a day. Don't feel like it's affecting me other than making me a bit shorter tempered. Got an appointment with a counsellor but not until September.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 8/11/2008 9:18 AM (GMT -7)   
That is right, I forgot. But September isn't that far off. So hang on and keep posting. Talk to your doctor about something else if it is making you short tempered. You deserve to be happy. And there are meds out there that can help. I take a medication called abilify. It is a mood stabilizer. That might work for you too. It surely does help me. and my moods use to be all over the place.

Best wishes to you on feeling better.

hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/11/2008 10:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Inno

You are not a "wuss"...............kick those thoughts to the curb..........you are a wonderful person with depression  and you are going through a hard time.
Depression is a illness and none of us would choose this illness. sad
 
Let's try to get you working on some things to cut down on the bad feelings and help you feel better about you.
Your self-esteem is the way you look at yourself. I think your self-esteem is pretty low right now.

People who have poor self-esteem tend to focus on and magnify their perceived shortcomings, and ignore their strengths and achievements. Low self-esteem can influence the way you behave with other people. For instance, you might find yourself being unassertive (not saying what we think, feel or want), and doing things we don't want to do.

Being treated badly by other people can reinforce the belief that you are not good enough, and can lower your self-esteem even more.
 
You ready to let me help you boost your self-esteem?  I would be glad to help you here in the forum.
 
Just let me know...........we all want you to feel good about who you are.
The world is a better place because you live within it. :-)
 
Kitt
 
 
 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Inno
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 8/12/2008 11:24 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm just at the point where I physically and mentally cannot be bothered with anything. I just want to find myself a little corner of the world and hide in it and hope everything works out. I really, really can't cope anymore and I can't talk to anyone in person. My mum and dad have their own issues I don't want to drag them down into my own personal hell and the only person I know well enough to open up to is the girl that ended our relationship last week. We're still friends but I hardly think now is the time to be dumping my problems on her.

I just want to go to sleep and either wake up and everything is sorted or just not wake up at all.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 8/12/2008 2:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Inno,

I really think that counseling would benefit you at this point. It is easy to talk to a counselor. They do a lot of the talking. I honestly think it would help you...

Best wishes to you and I hope that you have a wonderful evening.

Hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 8/12/2008 5:25 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Inno,  I am sorry you are going thru such a hard time.  One thing you mentioned in your post about your ex was that she left you with 11 grand in debt.  Are you talking about credit card debt? what ever the debt is. is your name on any of it?  If this is debt she incurred without your signature or being on credit cards or home ownership, if you are not on any of these things I would think the debt would only be hers.  At least that is the way it is in the US if you are not married to the person.  You did not mention if you married her but it sounds like you didn't.  I would check into all of this, maybe talk to a lawyer and find out if you are considered a responsible party to this debt.  It is worth a try and you may get yourself out of a bad situation. For your sake I hope that is true.  Just some suggestions - I hate to see you suffering so.  You sound like a really nice, caring person and I wish you the best.  Take care of yourself and your son.

Aurora

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