Is it the everyone else or me?

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yellowfin43
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 305
   Posted 8/11/2008 7:24 AM (GMT -7)   
I am a 49 year old male from Indiana. I found my faith in God 7 years ago and it changed my life. For the next many years I had never felt so at peace and so "at one" with the world but in the last year I've noticed that there are alot of people, including close friends and some family members that I simply don't understand or like that well. It's as if my "forgiveness" gift has worn thin. I stopped drinking and smoking and stopped alot of self destructive behavior when I started my relationship with God and I still live like that today. I have a nice home and my credit has rebounded now that I'm being responsible again. In the beginning I said goodbye to all the negative influences in my life and that included alot of people that weren't really friends after all. I always said I would only surround myself with positive influences but now I'm finding myself more and more tolerating the company of people I don't respect. It makes me feel like I've let myself down. I try to be understanding and realize I have been very fortunate to have rebounded from such a wasteful existence and that everyone has to battle their own demons. I have alot of people in my life now that like me but I have become the guy they call to just chatter endlessly about themselves and their lifestyles that I not only disagree with but don't want to hear about either. On one hand I think I should be available to them if they need advice but it's gotten to the point that I just get depressed because I feel like they don't respect my convictions. For example, if I knew someone didn't like football, I wouldn't call them and go on and on about what a great game I just watched and it amazes me how many calls I get from friends and family that do just that. I want to tell them that certain subjects simply don't interest me but I don't. I just set there and nearly seethe at their longwindedness and by the time the converstaion is over I'm spent. And although my life isn't as exciting to them as it once was, I would still like the oppotunity to speak about me occasionally but that isn't allowed appearently. It's making feel diconnected and lonely and I don't like that feeling.

faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 8/11/2008 7:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Yellow~
Have you tried to let them know that you feel this way?  Alot of times people are so wrapped up in what is going on with them and their interests that your needs are not acknowledged, not because they dont want to hear but basically because when you are an attentive friend, you make them comfortable with controlling the conversation.
 
Try getting a word in here and there and keep at it.  Maybe then they will see that maybe their are needs and things that you must talk about.
Hope this helps and welcome to our forum!
" Treat me like an angel and I'll show you heaven."
french_horn_quee
 
TERESA


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 8/11/2008 7:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there Yellow,

I think that Teresa gave you some good advice. There are so many people wrapped up in their own lives that they manipulate the conversation. You can try to talk about yourself, but they probably wouldn;t listen anyway. Just because they are self centered. Maybe you wouldn't really want to tell them about yourself anyway. But feel good that they feel safe in confiding with you. That means that you are a kind and compassionate person.

I hope that you have a wonderful day today.

hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


yellowfin43
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 305
   Posted 8/11/2008 7:51 AM (GMT -7)   

Thanks Teresa,

 I think your right. I don't want to hurt anyones feelings by saying I'm not interested in what goes on in their life but maybe saying something would help. I don't like being the good listener and I'm not sure how or when that happened but it happened. I've been feeling a bit down lately and need to talk but the trend I created is hard to change. I told a good friend of mine just a couple of days ago that I had been feeling depressed lately and she said "Cheer up" and kept on talking. I was very disappointed in her response because I am usually very happy and I guess I expected more concern from her. I didn't want to push the issue but it made me feel worse that she just blew it off. Thanks, Tony


yellowfin43
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 305
   Posted 8/11/2008 7:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Why is it that there seems to be so many self centered people these days? Maybe it's a coincidence that I happen to be surrounded by them but it's a real concern for me. Back when I was an ****** and very self centered in my own right I had all kinds of people that seemed to care. Now I'm more giving than I've ever been and everyone seems out for themselves. Strange phenominon.

faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 8/11/2008 8:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Yes, yes, the curse of the "just snap out of it" most people that dont have depression go by.  You will find that most people have no idea what it is like to deal with life and issues without the ability to control how our minds relate to things that other people take for granted.
 
Generally, if you have a least one close friend, take some quiet time and really express to them that you dont just snap out of it and that you wish they would try to educate themselves or even more listen to you and take what you say seriously. Most people have no idea the crushing effect depression is until they are curious about what you are really going through.
 
Remember, we are here, this has been a safe-haven for those times when noone understood or cared!!!!
" Treat me like an angel and I'll show you heaven."
french_horn_quee
 
TERESA


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/11/2008 11:02 AM (GMT -7)   
 
I understand what you are saying yet I am wondering if you perhaps set yourself up by always being available to these people who wanted to talk about themselves.  These are the "Me"  people in my life.  I have learned to be assertive and state what I like, I tell  them up front if the subject comes up.............."I don't argue politics or religion"  I am not a big sports fan but if they want to talk a bit I listen.
 
A conversation is a 2 way street.  I hope you can come up with a compromise that works for you.
 
Kitt
 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
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