Today is so hard and I am more depressed than ever. I am turning to this site as I am in need of some comfort and advice please.
I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 years 5 months ago (he cheated and probably cheated throughout the relationship and even towards the end he physically abused me for the first time) It’s been hard however I am trying to move on as best I can. I have my ups and down days and I do try to get out with the very few friends that I have but nothing seems to work, its even worst because I come home and I realize how empty I feel to have no one. Lately it’s been a struggle to eat and sleep, I guess it’s the rejection I am feeling since I know he’s moved on for sure now and must have someone else occupying his time because he doesn’t even contact me anymore– ughhh, I feel like its day one again. I find myself crying at work sometimes when it gets to intense and when I wake up from a dream and realize that my reality is actually a nightmare I cry – I know this is abnormal and I am slipping into depression and I don’t want this to change the person that I am. I find myself thinking about him, what he’s doing, who’s he with and how much I miss him yet I hate him. I know I shouldn’t be thinking about these things and I try to concentrate my thoughts on something else…..harder said than done. As much as I try, I feel like I can’t move on. It’s been awhile, I don’t know what’s wrong and it scares me. I don’t want to be clinging on to the thought of him, he has done me wrong and I should hate him for it yet I still love him! I guess I miss the person that I thought he was. I gave him my ALL for him to ruin it and let go of everything we built together. Yes he tried for a few months but trying after he screwed up isn’t good enough for me. I just don’t understand how he can do that and here I am trying to find answers and anything to sooth myself of this stress that I carry everyday while he is out having fun messing around (as I hear from mutual friends). Do people that rebound eventually cope with these feelings later in life? I was burned, yet I am the one feeling a great deal of pain. I know I shouldn’t sit here and understand his motives because he should be irrelevant now, but I can’t help it….a relationship that has been spent for 8yrs to all dwindle down to nothing in the end. The thought that our relationship was a lie is so hard to cope with. What am I going to get out of this? Am I just weak minded? If there is no realization on his part or some kind of regret in time than I don’t understand life…. I feel so depressed, hopeless and I don’t know what to do….i feel like im losing it.Advice and/or experience is most appreciated.
Thanks for listening…
Hi Goodkarma, Karen is right, you will definitely be able to go on with your llife. I also think some counseling or therapy would benefit you. It often helps to have a neutral person to bounce ideas off of. I got divorced 25 yrs ago, 2 kids - 9 mos and 5 yrs. I never thought I would survive but survive I did. The first thing I did was to arrange for some counseling. I started with my minister and then found a family therapy group. Was it easy? No, but the one thing that helps heal all wounds is time. I had one other serious relationship for 5 yrs after being divorced and I got thru that - I just let the time go by and after a while it was less and less painful. I don't think it is a good idea to spend so much time thinking about your ex and it just doesn't help to talk to others and find out what he is doing. Maybe he's not having as good a time as you imagine. You can't have such a long term relationship and not have feelings about it. I would try as hard as possible to focus on other activities. Do you have any particular interests that can keep you busy? Can you go out with girlfriends or to the movies? How about a book store? That is one activity that always makes me feel better and you are among people and can just lose yourself looking at different books. I also love garden and flower shops. If you can get started with some activities and try as hard as you can to not focus on him you will start to heal. I do think some counseling is really necessary to help you see that you still have a whole life ahead of you and probably an even better one. Keep posting, getting your feelings out always helps and there are so many kind and caring people on this forum that you will have many of us to correspond with. I will always be glad to answer your posts and help if I can. Take good care of yourself and let us know how you are doing.
Hello Goodkarma and Welcome to HealingWell, I am Kitt.
I am so sorry you are going through this painful time and you have my support. I feel you are grieving for the loss of your relationship. Also the pain is tearing you apart.
Grief is a normal and healthy response to loss, not an illness. Its symptoms are painful, but they serve an adaptive purpose. Most grief runs its course with the support of your friends/family. But sometimes grief can trigger depression .When grief triggers depression, the sadness can be unrelenting and overwhelming. Some people describe it as “living in a black hole” or having a feeling of impending doom. Even when participating in activities you used to enjoy, you feel as if you are just “going through the motions.” You may also feel numb, lifeless and empty.
I would like to encourage you to consider counseling to help you through this painful time. One on one counseling can help you understand your feelings as well as teach you skills to cope with your pain.
You will make it through but you should give yourself time, lots of time as each person grieves in their own way. All those feelings keep spinning around in your head. Please do see your PCP and be honest and upfront about your feelings of loss and depression.
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression& GERD Forums*~*