Friend not caring anymore

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Chrono3
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 8/19/2008 9:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Ok, well last year I went through a really bad depression but I had a friend who helped me through it. Throughout my depression I was mentally unstable, constantly yelling at him one second and thanking him the next but he never showed any weakness. After I was put on a new medicene I was 100 times better but still a little depressed occasionally. Once I got better my friend seemed to be more depressed then me, telling me that he would randomly break down crying and have bad mood swings. Naturally I felt beyond awful and did I could to help him but he seemed not to want my help and he later told me he hated me for what I put him through. After he said that things immediately got better for us and he said that he forgived me and that I was a good friend who cared so much about him. After all of this leads to my current situation. My friend will be friendly with me but when I got depressed fairly recently, just telling him that I felt awful (I never will resort to my previous form of depression and we both know it) he says he doesn't like talking about it because that's not how his personality is. if I say anything like "i'm glad we're best friends" he accuses me of being obsessed with friendship. If I say anything emotional at all he gets really upset at me. I've noticed he is spending less time around me then he had in the past and gets upset when I question him about it. I miss the old caring version of my friend so much but whenever I talk to him to help cheer me up he just ignores me. I love my friend and I've been crying myself to sleep for the past 3 weeks just wanting him to.. I guess love me as a friend again. This is ironically the only real reason I'm depressed now. Will he ever go back to the way he was? Did I corrupt him? I feel so guilty and sad. He did everything for me and he was the best friend I've ever had.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40575
   Posted 8/19/2008 10:32 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't think that you need to feel guilty. It sounds like he is just changing. He is going through his own depression. He will have to ride it out.

Have either of you considered counseling? It sounds like you both could use somebody impartial to the situation to talk to. That is if he will.

I know that you feel sad because he isn't the way that he use to be, but eventually you will get to know him, as he is now and can still be friends. I just can't promise that it will be the same as it was.

I wouldn't blame your hard time to be what changed his attitude. It could just all be coincidental. He may have gotten depressed anyway and still would be acting this way.

I use to notice in my first marraige, that I would get depressed and when I got over it my husband would act depressed. It just seems to go that way. But I don't think that one causes the other, so try not to think in those terms.

I hope that this helped some,
hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/20/2008 4:02 AM (GMT -7)   

Good Morning

This is Kitt.  I am sorry you have gone through this but I am glad you are doing better.

Sometimes our illness does cause a change in a relationship as life never stays the same and how each person copes with depression is an individual situation.

My own daughter told me she could not be around me when I was sad as it brought her down and she needs to be around positive people.  I was heartbroken but came to accept that she was taking care of her own mental health.

This may be what has happened with your friend.  I would like to suggest that you give this person some space and not count on him to be the support person in your life right now.  Do you see a therapist? 

A therapist is that one person you can say it all too and know a personal relationship will not get damaged.  It is not your fault for how your friend has reacted so do not beat yourself up.

Keep working on you and I wish you peace.

Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
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Robyn-Michelle
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 26
   Posted 8/20/2008 3:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Your friend would have had to deal with this at some point in his life. If it was not you who set it off, it would have been someone else. It was waiting to come out, at least it was in me.

Your friend became depressed on his own. Now is your time to step up and be the friend he was to you. If he does not let you, don't be mad, e-mail him and tell him that when he is ready to talk, you are there.

You cannot blame yourself. These things change people and you did what you only knew to do. The most you can do is apologize. Remember, when your depressed you look for a scapegoat. He may think that he blames you, but he will realize some day that that is not the case. Let time heal this one. Offer him any numbers to doctors or cousellors that have helped you, offer to go with him. give him the tools to work with... only he can start building.
The sun can't shine every day :)

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