Wow, I am so sorry but I saw red flags reading your story way before you did. Early in your post you stated "We never had that great of a relationship to begin with."
It is very difficult to build a marriage when you feel your relationship is not good right from the beginning.
We have had many members with stories similiar to yours but it feels to me like you need to deal with your depression issues before you can truly make this relationship work. Do you see a therapist or are you on any meds?
The marriage counselor is good and I hope you can work things out. A lot of what I sense in your post is you are blaming the guy for what happened. You posted "And I knew he'd try with my wife, but I didn't think she'd fall for it. I had warned her early on to watch out for him and so did a few other people we both know." I am not sure how you could ever call this person a friend.
I do not remember seeing anywhere in your post where you say your wife loves you. You do say you love her.
Again I hope you can work things out so that you are both happy and will be able to provide a good home for the children. It is the children that get hurt in these situations as well as the adults. The children are so innocent, please think of them too as you go through counseling.
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression& GERD Forums*~*
Hello my friend. I think you are taking on way to much guilt for what has happened. As someone said the problems before the affair were 50/50.
I would really like to see you in therapy just for you as well as continue the marriage counseling. You need someone you can spill out all your feelings to. In counseling you will not speak out and speak of the anger you feel or learn ways to change how to deal with your feelings of low self esteem.
Do check out the site that was posted, anything that may help you now.................and this is your forum, so keep it for you. This is where you can share your feelings and let out some anger. I know you are devestated by this and feel there is something lacking in you but your wrong...................You did not cause your wife to make the decision she made....that is her mistake.
Can you forgive and get past it, I hope so but I worry about you.