depressed husband

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khourie6
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 9/10/2008 11:44 AM (GMT -7)   
 hello i am new to this site and i wa wondering if anyone had any advise on how to deal with my husband being depressed all the time? all that he does is eat, sleep and stay stuck up in the house. i can't help him b/c he doesn't feel like he can talk to me. i don't know why he doesn't want to talk to me b/c i have never told him that i don't want to hear about his problems but he talks to his mom about his problems alot and i guess if that makes him feel better i just should leave it alone.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 9/10/2008 1:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Khourie6,

I think that your husband should be in counseling. But you can't make him, it will have to be of his own doing. Also I feel that you should think about counseling too, it would help you to cope with your husband's depression.

In the meantime keep posting because it is good for you to be able to vent. You are dealing with a lot right now and I think that it is good for you to have support.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 9/11/2008 9:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Welcome Khourie6-
 
I too live with a depressed husband.  Check out the book Depression Fallout.  This book helped me to better understand his actions towards me and himself and give me insights as to how I should react to his actions.  I am now reading for a second time in two months to reassre myself that I am not losing my mind.
 
This is a terrible disease and when it has it's strongest hold the ones who suffer the most are the significant others.  Only you can decide based on his willingness to get help and willingness to stay on that course and remaining aware on his own of his mood changes whether or not this is a storm you can weather.
 
It is very very tough.  Hang in there and put yourself first and foremost!!  Remember that nothing you can do is making this better or worse, it is all the disease.
 
You have picked an awesome forum to join full of people who understand and are there to lean on when needed.
 
Take care and keep us posted..........Jenn

khourie6
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 9/11/2008 9:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Getting By,

I really appreciate the advice and yesterday my husband went to his first session with his doctor and counselor that are going to help him to deal with his problems. He asked me if I wanted to go with him because he didn't want to go by himself and I told him that I would be happy to go. Yesterday was the first time in a long time that he made me feel like I was really needed by him and that we where in this together. I got to go back with him when he was talking to the Dr. and the counselor and it made me feel better to see him get some relief from his problems. He goes every week to see the counselor and once a month to see the doctor, and then after the next visit with the counselor we are going to start family counseling. I think that this will be a good thing for the both of us and it will help our marriage out alot. Again thank you and I will keep u posted

khourie6
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 9/11/2008 9:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi JD68,
  I also appreciate the advise that you gave me and I will be looking for that book b/c anything that can help us I will try. Like I told Getting By I think that this counseling and getting him some med's., is really going to work for us b/c just from yesterday he seems like he is already doing better. I know that he's not going t ochange over night and he will never be 100% but even if he gets to where he can enjoy life and he isn't depressed all the time then that would be better than nothing. I get to start family counseling with him in a couple weeks and I think that will better our marrage b/c then he can feel like he can talk to me instead of someone else and I can know how to deal with this disease that is taking over our relationship. Again thanks and I will keep u posted also..
 
       Thanks..Khourie6

JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 9/11/2008 9:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Good luck Khourie6........the road is long but can certianly be brighter should he want that for himself!

khourie6
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 9/11/2008 11:07 AM (GMT -7)   
THANK YOU JD68. I THINK THAT HE REALLY DOES REALIZE THAT THIS ISN'T A JOKE AND THAT HE REALLY NEEDS HELP FROM PERFESSIONALS!!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 9/11/2008 3:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi khourie6,

I am so happy for both you and your husband. I am so glad that he started counseling and that he is involving you. This is such a very important time for both of you, and it shows how much you care by going with him. I am sure that it is making it easier for him. Best wishes for both of you.

Remember that you are beginning a new journey together towards the rest of your lives. I am sure that it is going to be a good one.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


khourie6
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 9/16/2008 12:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi getting by,

We were suppose to go thursday to another meeting but we had to reschedule b/c one of our kids has something at school that night and he wants his daddy to be there. He has only been on his med's for about a week but I can really see a big difference in him. I wish he would have tried this alot sooner. Thank you and best wishes to u and your's. I think that this is going to help out our relationship alot.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 9/16/2008 2:05 PM (GMT -7)   
I think that you are right.

It sounds like the meds are really helping. He is lucky to have gotten one that worked, some have to keep changing until they find what is right for them.

Thanks for the good wishes. I hope that you are having a wonderful day.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


khourie6
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 9/19/2008 12:10 PM (GMT -7)   
We went lastnight to the school b/c our son had a thing for Pre-K and he asked his daddy to go, b/c he doen't do to much with him in school dealing's. He can't really be around big groups of people unless he is outside where he can move around and still then it's hard for him, but he told our son that he would go and he did. He only stayed for about 15 minutes but at least he did go and show some type of intrest and I am so proud of him. wink

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/19/2008 3:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi khourie6,

This is Kitt. I am so impressed with how well your husband is doing and I know your support means a lot to him. Going out for just 15 minutes into a crowd is a huge accomplishment for someone with depression.
 
You are a  very devoted wife and I am proud of you for standing by him.  Please remember to take care of you. :-)
 
Gentle Hugs
Kitt
 
 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
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http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
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khourie6
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 9/26/2008 11:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitt,

Thank you and you are right I do have to take care of myself and I really do try b/c I know that if I get down then there will be nobody to do everything that's needed to be done. I know he has made a big improvment since he has been put on some different mad's and I think this will be a good thing for both of us. Thanks Again!!

sleepinthevalley
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 1/7/2009 10:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Khourie,

this is coming from a depressed husband of 36 years. I know what your husband is going thru but thu all the posts out here be sure you take care of yourself.. thats the most focal point.
At least thats all im reading out here. Yes anger comes into this. Because you always protect the one that doesnt need it. Obviously your the strong one of the group. Take a look deep in your marriage. Thats where you'll find the problem. I know, thats what will end mine, A lack of being able to communicate which lead to infidelity with a Brother in law. Im where your husband is right now.. In Hell. But be sure to take measures to help yourself. The need a forum for Men here. The seem to be sorely overlooked cause they dont seem to be able to FIX everything ladies want them too.
Sorry for Venting and I wish you luck with your tormented husband,
rtvosbu

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40595
   Posted 1/7/2009 12:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sleepinginthevalley,

I am sorry for all that you are going through. And I am sorry that you feel that men are overlooked on here, though we have a lot of men members. So you will find support here, as everybody else does.

You have suffered with depression for a long time. I can relate to that. I have had it for over thirty years myself. Started when I was a teenager. Due to problems at home.

Remember that we are here to support you as we would anybody else.

I understand that you feel that men are thought of to 'fix' everything, but that is how most of them feel. And when they can't it is hard for them to communicate. Which also happens with a lot of women too, but I think that the stereotype of men is as a fixer. And therefore they feel like they should fix everything in a relationship. But it takes both people to give of themselves.

We have an introduction thread if you are interested. You can let us know a little more about yourself if you feel comfortable with that. It is completely up to you, but we would love to hear a little about you.

I hope that you have a wonderful day. Keep posting, as we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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