Julie, I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. It must be very difficult to have your own health problems and try to deal with your husband. There are so many different anti depressant meds out there and I find it hard to believe there isn't one that will help him. I don't know how your health care system works so it is not easy to advise you. It took 6 different meds until I found the one that really helped me. I take something called Remeron, generic is called mirtazapine. I have no side effects from it with the exception when I first started it, it made me sleepy. But it is a med that is taken at night. You and your daughter should not have to live this way. Is there anyway to sit him down and talk to him and tell him how badly this affects your lives? I would also insist that he see a therapist or psychiatrist and get his situation straightened out. You cannot go on living like this. Have you thought about coming to USA to visit your children here? Maybe some time away from him would be good. I think he needs to see the whole situation from your point of view. Also, a therapist is a neutral person and can often see things more clearly. I wish there was something I could do to help you more but just try to see if you can talk to him(make sure he is in a more rational mood). Be sure to take good care of yourself. Your health is just as important. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. I will always be willing to answer your posts. There are very caring people here and it is a good place to vent.
Welcome to HealingWell. This is Kitt and I am sorry about your husband's depression and it does sound like he has tried the full gambit of therapy, Doctors and medicines.
I am gald you found us as there are many other spouses on this forum so this topic comes up frequesntly. I support you and I am here for you as are all the members.
The effects of depression can negatively impact every aspect of a person’s life—marriage, home life, work, and friendships. And the burden of living with a depressed spouse can take a heavy toll on the quality of a marriage.
Untreated depression poses a very real threat to a marriage. Recent research indicates that when one spouse suffers from depression, the likelihood is increased that both spouses will have an unhappy marriage.
When one spouse is depressed, the depression colors everything in the relationship. The depressed spouse sees the world through a darkened lens that limits his or her perspective. Any negative events are interpreted even more negatively, neutral events are also interpreted negatively, and the positive happenings are often overlooked.
You are in a situation where you have to take care of you first as you may benefit from therapy for just you. Remember to love yourself and do things just for you. You deserve to be happy.
Are there any inpatient units your husband would qualify for?
Remember depression is a real disorder. Your husband should not have to feel ashamed as he did not choose depression.
I will pray for you and hope you hubby will go to therapy and stick to it. It is hard work but he can do it.
Vent way on here all you want as Aurora already said.
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression& GERD Forums*~*
Julie, I am so glad you were able to feel that you were helped by the replies you received. I think a therapist would be good for you. I am sorry your daughter has to go through so much because of your husband. Do you ever think it might not be worth it to stay with him? Also, he may just be trying to call your bluff when you say you can't afford for all 3 of you to come to USA. How can he stop the two of you from coming here to visit? I realize that might not be a possibility. If you can get him in to a new Dr. maybe he can get the help he needs. It is so important to get the right meds and to stay on them and give them a chance to work. The A/D meds do not work overnight - you don't just wake up the next day and feel better. He needs to understand that most of these meds take at least 4-6 weeks before they kick in and that you gradually find that you feel better. I truly am sympathetic to your situation and am willing to listen whenever you need to vent. So many people have listened to me and given me advice - it has been so helpful and just to know that we truly are your friends no matter what. I am saying prayers for you and hope things will get better. Take good care of yourself and your daughter and do post anytime you need to talk.