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behindtheseeyes00987
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 9/14/2008 10:13 AM (GMT -7)   
I haven't really found a place on here to talk about eating disorders, and I don't know if we're allowed to or not, but I'm still really depressed and a little nervous.
 
Over the last few weeks I've been having really unusual eating. I'll either eat nothing at all or eat something that'll make me so sick I end up throwing up. I just dont feel like eating because I'm so sad and I just feel bad about myself.
I feel really sick to my stomach ever since my eating habits have changed drastically, and I get really gassy and it makes me mad because I constantly feel sick, but I just can't bring myself to eat again.
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Daily Amitriptyline
 
"Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."
 
 


getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 9/14/2008 10:58 AM (GMT -7)   
I think that when you get hungry enough that you will eat. Your stomache will let you know. But for now could you try something like pudding? Or a can of chicken soup? Maybe you have picked up some kind of a bug. There are a lot of stomache bugs going around.

Are you throwing up on purpose? Or is it your stomache? Let us know a little more about the situation so we can help you assess it. Are you depressed? I guess that was a dumb question. Are you over weight? Is that why you are not eating? I know that feeling, I could stand to lose about 50 pounds, even though people say that I don't look over weight, I truly feel that way. But I found out I need to eat four to six times a day with small portions. That is the only way that I can lose weight. If I starve myself, my body goes into survival mode and hangs on to every calorie that I take in.

Let us know a little more about how you feel. I will try to help you come up with a solution.

Hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


behindtheseeyes00987
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 9/14/2008 11:21 AM (GMT -7)   
i had some soup today, but i still feel very sick.

i am throwing up on purpose. it feels like its become part of my lifestyle. if i eat a sandwich, or anything heavy, really anything other than fruit or soup or oatmeal, i need to throw up or i feel so heavy and fat i cant stand it. then i feel guilty that i've eaten something big and i punish myself for the next few days. i dont know whats going on. this whole thing is so confusing.

technically, i'm not a whole lot overweight, but i sure do feel like it. i just feel so big and disgusting. thats why i cant allow myself to eat because i feel like i gain 10lbs everytime i take a bite.my stomach is acting all weird and making sickly funny noises that dont sound/feel like anything ive had before. so i dont think that's normal. its also a bit embarrasing...
-Depressed-
-Daily Migraine Headaches-
-Chronic Pain-
Daily Amitriptyline
 
"Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."
 
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 9/14/2008 2:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Are you taking any medications for depression? When I took prozac I felt like that. I would look at food and gain weight. I switched to effexor. They say that it doesn't make you gain. They say that anyway. I know that a lot of mine is from not walking like I use to before I got fibromyalgia. I use to walk a lot everyday and that kept the weight down.

Are you going to counseling at the moment? I really think that you need to talk to a professional, all I can do is tell you what I think. A counselor could help you stop what you are doing. And just a change in medication, or starting if you aren't taking any, could change the way that you feel and you wouldn't be going through this.

Honestly I don't understand the purging, though I can't say that I haven't been tempted. But I try to eat healthy, close to the earth. Small portions more frequently throughout the day. Also drinking water fills you up and is good for you.

I wish that I knew all the right words for you. I wish that I could help you more than this. I do know how uncomfortable it feels to feel over weight. But if people are telling you that you don't look fat, it is most likely your self image. The doctor told me that I looked okay. And other people tell me that I look okay. But I see myself as fat. So I wonder if you are seeing yourself differently than you are.

Either way, I hope that this has helped you somewhat, I know that I don't have all the answers that you would like and need. I know what you are doing is unhealthy. It is hard on your body and there is stomache acid in the vomit that can eat your esauphagus and your teeth. Plus you wont get any vitamins or nutrients out of the food. Do you have a diet plan? What kind of foods do you eat? Try to eat as healthy as possible. Try to eat slowly and enjoy your food. I have a tendancy to eat fast because I don't want to eat. I am trying to take my time and relax when I eat now. It is hard for me.

I hope that you feel better and can get your diet straight. Keep me posted.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 9/14/2008 3:04 PM (GMT -7)   
You know, your not alone in this... For the last 2 weeks I have done the same thing. I havent in about 2 days, so Im really proud of that. I would eat a biscuit in the morning, a small bag of pretzels during class, and at lunchtime, after I ate I felt HUGE... I started not feeling so hungry and so when I would go to lunch and someone asked for something, I made myself say yes(I probably wouldnt have eaten for example my cookie anyways so..) But, after eating a regular sized meal my stomach felt SO full... I never threw up at school though. But, when I got home I would eat a meal and throw up, I wouldnt have an appetite after that and then it repeated the next day. Since I take medication I had timed things so that I could take my medicine and not worry about throwing it up. I also take vitamins and things so I had timed everything.

I understand. It feels like a part of your life now. I can understand that. I talked to my counselor the other day and stuff and Im feeling a little better so right now I am trying my best to quit everything. I want to wish you all the best though, and take care.

"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."


Robyn-Michelle
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 26
   Posted 9/14/2008 4:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey honey thanks for sharing :)

Theres a couple things that could be going on..
Have you always done this?

Firstly you need to think deep and see if there is a reason why you use food the way you do. Maybe it's a psychological thing and you use food to punish yourself for something you feel bad about? Eating disorders can be a substitute for something that a person doesn't want to face.

Also, it really is a disease. If it is, you need to be willing to accept that you suffer from it and go to a doctor to get treatment before it worsens.

Be careful, binging and then starving yourself can cause heart attacks... your body can't handle it.
Either way you should talk to a counselor, if this is a problem you should deal with it right away!

Hope this helps :)
You have all my love & support
The sun can't shine every day :)


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 9/15/2008 4:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Eyes

I have suffered from an eating disorder for many years,and it sound like you are going through the same thing I was. When my depression was at it's worst,I would not eat..to me it was a "privilege,and I did not feel that I deserved it.

It is time to get yourself into the doctor and tell them what it is going on.

You can't get healthy doing this,it is hard on your system and I think it actually makes the depression worse.

call the doctor today.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.


sheryl=jk
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 4083
   Posted 9/15/2008 8:21 AM (GMT -7)   
I know i still have probelms with it, sometimes i just feel sick and will make m self get rid of it cuz i dont want to feel sick. ANd i am definaltey overweigt, need to lose like 60 pounds. cry
 
God Bless,and have a Great Day!!.......Love.....Sheryl
xcema,hypermobile,Chronic Bronchitus,Fatigue,Positive ANAFibro-05--Had surgery on left & right knees 06, Interstial Cystitis-06 Spondlylosis/Disc Degernation Disease severe arthitis lower back -08,implantedInterstim-06 hysterectomy & IBS-06 Arthiritus-04 Depression-04GERDS/ Hiatial hernia -07   Anxiety-07 Gastroparesis-08--Occasional Migraines
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behindtheseeyes00987
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 9/21/2008 8:11 PM (GMT -7)   
So some of you who have read my posts know that my eating has been off lately. A week ago, I starved myself for the most part for guilt and fear of gaining weight.
 
Then a friend and I went out to eat and I ate something and kept it in my stomach. Now i'm on these binges where I eat a load of food and sometimes I keep it, and other times, like a bit ago I try so hard to throw it up. Before when I would throw up food it(i hope its ok im getting alitte graphic but Im confused) looked somewhat like it did, but lately when I throw up it kinda burns and has an acidy taste and comes up in odd textures and colors.
 
Im so afraid of gaining weight. I feel a little achey in my midsection and I hate that I allow myself to eat cause I feel so fat. People have been complmenting me lately on how im losing weight which makes me EXTREMELY happy to hear, but they dont know how i am.
 
Whats happening? I just want to be normal again....
 
-Depressed-
-Daily Migraine Headaches-
-Chronic Pain-
Daily Amitriptyline
 
"Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."
 
 


NightWish
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 129
   Posted 9/22/2008 12:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi eyes,

It sounds to me that you are suffering from bulimia and it is time to seek professional help. The burning sensation you are feeling in your throat is a symptom of bulimia called acid reflux. When you repetitively purge/throw-up, you are causing damage to your esophagus by exposing it to the acids in your stomach. This can eventually lead to an inability to digest solid foods.

Here is a great resource to learn about bulimia and how to seek help:
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/bulimia_signs_symptoms_causes_treatment.htm

I suffered from anorexia in high school. Although I was very thin, my mind was telling me I was fat. I ate very small portions of food and exercised vigorously. People commented that I was losing weight, and I thought they were giving me compliments. But they were really trying to alert me that I was getting too thin and looking unhealthy, which I was. I think my body is still paying for the damage I did to it back then.

For me, my eating disorder was my way of overcoming stress through doing something I could control...eating. I felt a sense of pride when I was able to deprive myself of food, because I bought into the whole "skinny is beautiful" lie. Now, I eat regular meals, incorporate foods from all food groups, and know that a healthy diet includes fat. Fat can come from healthy food such as meat, cheese, nuts and seeds.

Please make an appointment right away with a doctor who specializes in eating disorders. You have a disease and need help, as your body is already starting to suffer the consequences. You can fight this. Make an appointment and let us know how it goes, ok?

NW

sheryl=jk
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 4083
   Posted 9/22/2008 9:52 AM (GMT -7)   
I agree with night wish, you need help asap, I was anorexic and bulemic and it really does take its toll emotionally as well as phyically.  I did see a phcholoigst when i was 17 for it.  And it did help having a therapist to talk too. We are here to listen to you too...
 
God Bless,and have a Great Day!!.......Love.....Sheryl
xcema,hypermobile,Chronic Bronchitus,Fatigue,Positive ANAFibro-05--Had surgery on left & right knees 06, Interstial Cystitis-06 Spondlylosis/Disc Degernation Disease severe arthitis lower back -08,implantedInterstim-06 hysterectomy & IBS-06 Arthiritus-04 Depression-04GERDS/ Hiatial hernia -07   Anxiety-07 Gastroparesis-08--Occasional Migraines
 Plz help HW to help others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/


behindtheseeyes00987
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 9/23/2008 10:50 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks for your advice
i really am scared. i wish i could stop and just accept my body for the way it is, but my mind wont let me. it feels like purging is a part of my lifestyle now.

i have been seeing a psychologist, but i dont feel like im getting much help. night wish...i feel the same way that you did. i dont eat because its something that i can control over everything else that i cant. and when i do, then i feel proud of myself for the ability to just rid of it instantly.

what happens when i wont be able to digest solid foods? is that why my stomach and lower area feels so sickly and tangled all the time?

im not sure if this has anything to do with anything, but ive noticed im getting a lot of random bruises on my forearm and calves. just today a huge blue one popped up on my back leg...and i know i didnt run into anything or hit anything. they arent tender and dont hurt when pressure is applied but they are bruises.

thanks again for the help and resources. ill let you guys know. i just hope i have the courage in myself to try and help myself.
-Depressed-
-Daily Migraine Headaches-
-Chronic Pain-
Daily Amitriptyline
 
"Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."
 
 


NightWish
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 129
   Posted 9/24/2008 8:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi eyes.

People who cannot digest solid food have to go on a soft food/liquid diet. This isn't fun, since you want to eat normal, solid food. If the psychologist isn't helping you, it's time to seek other professional help. You need to make an appointment with a doctor who specializes in eating disorders. You need someone who can examine your physically to see what kind of damage has been done and how to treat you. Usually, a doctor will set you up with an appointment to talk to a nurse practitioner who specializes in mental health to help with the poor body image and control issues.

Stay strong and let us know how it goes, eyes.

NW
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