Hi, I'm new - lonely, depressed and pregnant.

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brickRed1974
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 9/14/2008 5:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone, I just joined hoping to meet a few friends here that I can confide in. 
 
I was diagnosed with anxiety/depression years ago.  I found that cymbalta helped me to be in a better mood, but now that I am pregnant I can no longer take cymbalta.  I had many "fixes" that helped me get through my depression - they are bad I know! - smoking cigarettes and alcohol - but since I've been pregnant, I can no longer indulge in these. 
 
I am having a hard time adjusting to my new life of being pregnant.  I have been married for 4 years and was very happy with my husband until a few months ago - since I've been pregnant.  He has not changed anything about his lifestyle - has not had to make any sacrifices for the pregnancy and I am becoming resentful, insecure and feeling very weepy.  He goes out a few times a week - to bars - I can no longer and no longer want to do this.  I dont feel like he cares at all.  He just tells me to let him go out for a drink "once in a while" and stop worrying that I am everything to him, etc etc.  It doesnt feel like this at all.  One thing we have always done together is watch our football team at the local sports bar on sunday.  Today he told me I should stay home because it will be too crowded and nowhere for me to sit.  I burst into tears - taking this as he does not want me to go with him anymore - which I do believe.  This is just one example.  I have expressed myself tirelessly as to how unhappy I am with him going out so much. I wouldmt care if it was just once a week.
 
Anyway, I am thinking of talking with a therapist.  I dont know how to control my obsessive thoughts.  I dont have any close friends in the area.  I'd probably be happier if I did but I dont know how to "make friends".  Thanks for listening!!! 
 
 

Mochiah
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 450
   Posted 9/14/2008 5:49 PM (GMT -7)   
BrickRed, Welcome to HW....and have you EVER found the place to make friends!

Remember that pregnancy gets our hormones in an uproar so what you are feeling may "seem" out of proportion to your hubby....but the fact that you FEEL it makes it true. People can always change the way they act, but you can't change what you feel. On that note, I would agree that I would have been bummed, too, had I been told I shouldn't go watch the game on Sunday. It is something the 2 of you share....and there was always some place for you to sit before, right?

We can help lots here with listening and letting you know you aren't alone, but we sure don't take the place of a real therapist with whom you can go into depth, and who has the education and tools to teach you.

Again, welcome. Hope you feel right at home here in no time.
Mochiah/a.k.a. Sue
cervical fusion 2006
L4-5 surgery with cages, plates, and screws in 2005
MEDS:  Fentanyl patch, Norco, Celexa, trazodone, and Flexeril
 
To handle yourself, use your head...to handle others, use your heart
 
I'm going to smile like nothing is wrong, act like everything is perfect, and pretend its not hurting me.


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 9/14/2008 6:13 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Brickred,  it is true that your hormones are causing the way you are feeling right now.  I think it would be a good idea to have a therapist to bounce ideas of off.  A neutral person can see things in a different way and help you get through these hard times.  Pregnancy really changes your hormones and if you are in your 1st trimester you are noticing the change very much.  Can you sit down with your husband when he is thinking rationally and tell him how you are feeling and that you need more support from him right now?  After all this is his baby too.  And you will need to depend on him more when you are near the end of the pregnancy.  If he is a caring person I would hope he would be willing to listen to you and make some changes in your lives to accommodate you.  After all, when you have the baby he is certainly going to have to change. Are there any activities you can join where you would be able to meet other people for friendships?  Is there a child birth class or book club or some type of class with women in your area?  When I was first pregnant I started a needlpoint class and I met some friends there.  I also joined a baby sitting pool and that is where I met some very good friends who are still my friends.  The idea was to have days where you watch someone else's child for a few hours and then they would do the same for you.  It was well organized with meetings and a secretary to keep track of hours, etc. My sons are 34 and 29 so these are really long time friendships.  The kids all went to school together.  Maybe your dr. knows about child birth classes.  Also check the hospital where you will have the baby.  In the meantime if you can get some counseling I think that would be a big help for you.  You need some extra support now.  And you can always post here = there are wonderful people on this forum and you will make a lot of new friends.  Take good care of yourself.

Aurora


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 9/15/2008 4:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Red
It does not sound like you are having a hard time adjusting,it sounds like your husband is...

Yes your hormones are all out of whack right now. But that does not give him the right to do things without you all of the time now.
He needs to understand that you not only need him around when the baby is born,but you also need him around while you are pregnant.
Why can't he stay at home and watch the game? And I doubt that it was going to be overcrowded..someone who sees a pregnant girl will stand and let you take the seat.

Tell him that you feel left out and are worried that this is the way it is going to be when you have the baby.
That is not fair at all. You did not make the baby by yourself,so why should you have to do this by yourself?


Please keep us posted and I hope he listens.
Shy


Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

Please remember,I am not a professional..I am just a person who is also fighting depression.


I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.

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