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UC since'76
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 9/15/2008 10:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Does anyone know where a 57 year old woman can find friends? I have no family except the best son in the world. I actually have a daughter, too but she does not like me. I am financially dependent on my son for life (long story, won't bore you) so I have to live with him. We get along fine but he is gone a lot and I would like to have someone my age. My health insurance premium is so high it takes almost everything I have and since it rises every year, it will soon equal more than my small spousal support. That keeps me from being able to do much. I also have Ulcerative Colitis. It is mild but I am tired a lot and I can't afford the medicines I am supposed to be on.
 
I don't want to bog the person down with my problems, I am very pleasant despite them and don't talk about them to others, just on this board. I have 2 college degrees but I'm unable to get work at my age. My husband left me at 51 after 28 years as a stay at home mom. It was because of the strain on my family put there by a terrible daughter. I have tried church with no luck (I don't go there JUST to find friends.)
 
I wish I could maybe get involved with something having to do with my education. I am an RN with a full 4 year University degree and a Certified Public Accountant. (I don't know if I am alowed to tell that, If not, delete it and accept my apology).
 
I like to help people. I like to be nice to them and make them feel good.
 
All I do all day is sit on the couch and watch tv or lie in bed and watch tv. I hate TV I would not be so lonely if I could read. I cannot read due to bad eyesight and my insurance won't let me see an eye doctor for another year. In 2006 a miracle happened and I  actually got a job, but had to leave it after 2 hours because I could not see the numbers. They sent me across the street to a K-Mart to get some of those non-RX glasses, but they did not work.  An optomitrist later told me those fix the opposite of what is wrong with my eyes. I have not been able to read for three years and I miss it. From the time I could read, my mother would take me to the library and I would get 12 books at a time, the limit. At our local library, I had started with the A's and was reading through the library. I actually got to see an eye doctor last year but all he did was have some teen-agers make me look through some machines then he came in for all of 2 minutes backing out the door the whole time. When I told him I have not been able to read for 3 years he waved his hand and said get some of those glasses from K-Mart (see above!). I literally chased him down the hall trying to ask my questions. He disappeared into a patient room and that was it for my optical insurance benefits for another 2 years. I can go back October, 2009.
 
The reason I got off on the eye thing is because if I could read I could handle the lonliness a lot better and my post is about finding friends because I am so lonely.
 
All the sitting around caused me to develop a dangerous blood clot in my leg on 2006. Now I am on blood thinners for life and have to go to the blood thinner clinic every few weeks for blood work. For life. I just have to find some friends and get out. I can't just go for a walk, either. I live in an area where people let dangerous dogs run free.
 
Ulcerative Colitis since about 1976
Pan colitis since at least 1994
 
30 years with UC and never had a flare until MD gave massive dose of Magnesiun while hospitalized for bronchitis. I had no family doctor so they had just assigned me to the house doctor. Then was hospitalized a few days for moderate flare. No flares since. But now I have a family doctor.
 
No meds. 
 
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 9/15/2008 10:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there,

Welcome to the depression forum. I am sorry for your situation. It must be so hard for you feeling trapped in your own home. What do other people do about the dogs running lose all of the time? Has anybody contacted animal control? That just isn't right.

What about volunteering somewhere where you don't have to read anything? It doesn't seem right that you can't get eyeglasses to help you. How come they don't prescribe them for you? The reading glasses do have different strengths I do believe, have you tried different ones to see if there is anything that can help you? I have bifocals in my glasses. That really helps me. But the last pair I got weren't right. One lens keeps clouding up in between the lens and bifocal. I know that I should have returned them but I didn't. I am wearing my old ones. So stupid on my part. I am not good at complaining about things like I should.

Hopefully somebody will come on with better advice than I can give, my mind isn't all that good lately. I hope that you are having a nice day where you are.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


UC since'76
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 9/15/2008 12:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Did you mean why didn't the opthalmologist prescribe them for me? I don't know. He was only in my room 2 minutes, tops, all the time backing out the door. I really, really, really, don't know why he wouldn't listen. As I said, I was running down the hall behind him trying to ask.

The truth, I don't know if I can say this. He was a butthead. He also had a waiting room way too full of more patients than he could possibly take care of.
I guess his thing was just money, money, money.

The optician I saw earlier that told me the over the counter glasses would make my particular eyes worse did prescribe me some glasses but that was three years ago and my eyes are so much worse now.

I keep buying the wrong thing at the grocery store. I can't see the labels. I splurged on a casserole calling for diced tomatos. I could not see the part of the label that said they cointained hot peppers. With Ulcerative Colitis, I don't dare eat hot peppers. I buy tuna in water. I could see the fish and the word tuna. When I opened it, it started slipping all over the place finally ending upside down on the floor. I had not been able to see that that can was packed in oil.

about the dogs. I call animal control and a few have been caught. My daughter said "It must be a staus symbol out here in the country to have dogs that can kill." The people that have them a proud of their viciousness. In 2004 my son was out of town and I did not know about animal control yet. I was trapped in my house for four days. A rottweiler and four others took a liking to my front yard! I could not even get to my car! It was kind of funny.

I would like to volunteer. That is really why I posted, to find out about how you do things like that. I didn't mean to get off on my eye stuff. It's just that I'm lonlier now that I can't read and can't afford to go to the opthalmologist for over a year. I live in Central North Alabama.

My son has a great job and has to travel. He can be gone as long as ten days. When he is gone, I don't see another living soul for the whole time. That is bad for you. I read (I can see some things if they are big enough) something interesting about that last week. It said your brain actually changes a little when you talk to another human being.
Ulcerative Colitis since about 1976
Pan colitis since at least 1994
 
30 years with UC and never had a flare until MD gave massive dose of Magnesiun while hospitalized for bronchitis. I had no family doctor so they had just assigned me to the house doctor. Then was hospitalized a few days for moderate flare. No flares since. But now I have a family doctor.
 
No meds. 
 
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 9/15/2008 1:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Your eye doctor sounds like mine, in it for the money. But you would of thought that he would have prescribed glasses, that would have been more money for him. To me there is no excuse for his actions. He should have been the one that you spent most of the time with.

I see an optometrist. But am going to see somebody else this year. They always try to talk me into getting glasses that I can't afford. This year that isn't going to happen. I can't even wear the glasses I got last year due to the fogginess in between the lens. I should really have returned them, but didn't want to wear my old glasses, which I am wearing now anyway. I guess that I am just not assertive enough when it comes to this stuff.

There is so much that you can do for volunteering. But I understand like you said, you have to be able to read things. What if you took a magnifying glass to the store with you? Would it help you to read the labels better? I am sorry that you got tomatoes with hot peppers. I hope that you didn't get too sick from it. I am sure that was hard on your stomache and such.

I hope that you can get help soon with the glasses. Could you call them and explain the situation of the doc not helping you? I just can't imagine such incompetence going on. But it does happen.

Best wishes for you to have a lovely day. Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 9/15/2008 5:55 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi UC, I read your post with interest.  Volunteering is a great way to meet people.  I vonumteer at my local Senior Center and I have met many people.  It  is a good way to get out.  You could also volunteer at your local libarary.  They always need extra help.  I'm not meaning to be too nosey but you say you live with your son and he has a good job.  Isn't there some way he could help you by taking you to the eye dr. (find a new one, by the way) and couldn't he help pay for a pair of decent glasses?  You say you have 2 degrees and are an RN and CPA.  I know where I live nurses are in short supply and I would guess that might be the case where you are.  Is it possible to get a private nursing job?  Maybe take care of someone who can't be on their own?  Also, at tax time accountants are always looking for extra help.  You are definitiely not too old to be able to work!  The best workers are more mature as they are reliable and stick with their jobs.  I am presently looking for a part time office job and I am 62.  One of my jobs in the past was a personal assistant to a lady who needed help.  There are many things you can do with your education.  I know how hard it is with the health insurance premiums.  Mine are sky high.  I don't know the situation with your son, but I would think he would be glad if you were able to get a job.  You are more than qualified.  Can you ask him for a little extra support to get you back on your feet so you can live a more productive and happy life?  If you had a job you could help contribute to the living expenses.  That seems to make sense to me.  I truly hope your son will help you, after all you raised him and took care of him and helped him to be a self sufficient adult. Now it is your turn.  Please take heart in knowing that people on this forum are very caring and would only like to see the best for you.  And you will have plenty of friends here.  You just made one - me!  Any time you want to post your feeliings or just vent, I will be glad to answer you.  How about joining in on the Tues. chats?  Check the schedule at the right under Chat schedule.  I hope to talk to you there.  Please take good care of yourself and let us know how you are doing.

Hugs,

Aurora


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/16/2008 6:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello UC since'76
 
Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum.  We are always happy to have members join us.
 
It appears you have met some of our wonderful members and they have given you good advice.
 
I just wanted to make sure you know how welcome you are here.
Kitt
 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
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UC since'76
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 9/16/2008 8:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for the replies. As far as Nursing goes, I got out of it and became an accountant because I hated, hated, hated Nursing so very badly. You have to really hate something to go all the way back to college a second time and be something else. It took me 15 years to find something else to do and when I took a course that determined I would be good at accounting I went for it. My feet did not touch the ground the whole 2 years it took to take the courses because I was getting out of nursing. I would study 8-10-12 hours a day. When I tired of studying, all I had to do was think of my hatred for Nursing and I was back at it. I made all A plusses (except for that one A-) Then, I went the extra mile and took the CPA with it's 30% pass rate. It take 6 not 4 years of college to sit for the CPA, now. Three attorneys I have talked to who have taken both say the CPA was much worse. But fueled by my hatred for Nursing I passed it. I told you all this not to brag, but so you would really get the punch line. After all that, I could not get a job! This is an Engineering town concerned with Space and Government contracts. The accounting departments for them are in other states. There just aren't many accounting jobs here. I don't know how many times I went into an interview and the minute I sat down the interviewer would exclaim in disbelief "We put this little $8 job in the paper and we got 100 resumes!" And there, on the desk, would be the big stack of resumes. Many of them would have years and years of experience while I had none, so of course one of them got the job. I have put out hundreds of resumes. I have even tried to get them to let me work for free just for the experience. In another part of the country, I might have had a nice career. People who went to school when I did who were lucky enough to be hired (because they knew someone), are now making $75 and hour as CPA's.

Thank you for letting me get that out. It has been bottled up inside for years. I feel better now.

The reason I can't use my education is because I don't have any experience in the case of accounting. And in the case of Nursing, besides hating it with a purple passion, I would be incompetent because I haven't done it since 1984. I actally bit the bullet a few years ago and tried to get hired. The nurse recruiters looked at me like I was crazy.

The Senior Center is a good idea. We have one, but we are a small town and it is always closed. I think I will find the phone number. Maybe it is open on a limited basis. I think they would take me. When I was a Nurse I worked in Nursing Homes.

I would like to join the chat. However, I am not exactly a computer wizard and do not know how to do it.
Ulcerative Colitis since about 1976
Pan colitis since at least 1994
 
30 years with UC and never had a flare until MD gave massive dose of Magnesiun while hospitalized for bronchitis. I had no family doctor so they had just assigned me to the house doctor. Then was hospitalized a few days for moderate flare. No flares since. But now I have a family doctor.
 
No meds. 
 
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40578
   Posted 9/16/2008 8:22 AM (GMT -7)   
To join chat,

all you have to do is go towards the top of the page and click on chat in the second blue bar. That will take you to a place where you have to sign in. Then you (actually first) you pick the catagory that you want to go into, which would be depression. Then you log in. It is a lot easier than it sounds. I hope that you can join us.

Hugs, Karen...


  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Carenpolar
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 672
   Posted 9/17/2008 7:59 AM (GMT -7)   
 I was lonely a few years ago and started volunteering at the local hospital... It really helped me to have peoplel to talk with several days a week..
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