husband left, I am in my last year of collage, I am trying to support my son and am very depressed

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shakylady
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 9/18/2008 9:27 PM (GMT -7)   
So lately I have been having a rough life. Not that my life has ever been easy but never this bad. My husband whom recently came back to us after 6 1/2 yrs of a vacation in prison got out. We ended up getting back together when I was taking my son to visit him in pre-release. He convienced me as well as his probation officer that he should move in with us. I moved residences so he coudl live with us, changed my son's and myself lives all together. For the first 5 months is was heaven, I was pretty happy. Then about 4 weeks ago I come home from work and he is gone, alsong with all of his belongings, and his keys on the kitchen table with a note. All it sayed is I love you adn I hope you can love you. I had to leave I am sorry. Just up and left me and my son. Well I did not expect that. Totaly horrified! He led me on for  3 weeks meeting him at secret hotels 200 miles away so he could hide from his probation officers. Then the last two weeks he decides that he dosn't want to even talk to me and says he wants to be a father to my son(his son to) eventhough he has never been here for him before. But refuses to see me or talk to me. Any way I had to start seeing a counselor  a couple of weeks age. Well it has on ly gotten worse from there. I had a panic attact this week and ended up in the hospital, got put on anti depressants for severe depression, well I had an alergic reaction to these meds and ended up seeing the Dr. again. I am now on imipromine, I guess it takes a couple of weeks to kick in. I am sooo freaking sad and loanly I just cry all the time. I havent made it threw a full day of classes yet this week. I just can't quit crying. I don't have any friends to help out because the ones I had left are now my husbands friends(ex-husband?) I just don't know what to do to ge tthrew these next two weeks until the meds kick in. HELP if any one has been threw somethign similar please let me know. Advice is good too.

NightWish
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 129
   Posted 9/18/2008 9:56 PM (GMT -7)   
First of all, take a deep breath. There is no doubt that you are experiencing something very stressful and have every right to feel hurt, sad, and angry. While I have never been married, I am currently recovering from a failed relationship and am also trying to adjust into this semester of graduate school.

It doesn't seem like your counselor is helping you get through this. I tried two counselors before I found one who clicked for me. She made a world of difference on my perspective and slowly but surely, helped me through the stress.

While you changed your life to give your husband a second chance, and it didn't work out, rest assured that you have been successfully raising your son on your own for 6 1/2 years and you will be able to do that again. It is obvious that your husband is suffering from something mentally or just is not capable of fulfilling the husband/father role you were hoping that he would.

You are strong. You are going to feel bad for a while. You will pull through this. You will get through school and you and your son will have a wonderful life.

Baby steps, though. Just know while things are messy now, they will be whole again. Keep posting so we can keep helping.

NW

Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 9/19/2008 3:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi ShakyLady,

You need to stay strong for yourself & for your son. You've done without your partner for a long time already so you know that you can do it again.
Just take one day at a time & you will be fine. It will get easier day by day!
Confusedli
 
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."
 
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"


shakylady
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 9/19/2008 6:37 AM (GMT -7)   
he is coming here to spend the night with my son in a hotel and I am really not dealing with it very well. I am so sad I don't want to be alone. How do I get threw this weekend?

sad shaky lady


Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 9/19/2008 7:52 AM (GMT -7)   
I guess you just need to keep as busy as you can to take your mind of it.  Go out with friends, spend time on a hobby, just keep busy as much as you can!
Confusedli
 
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."
 
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/19/2008 3:33 PM (GMT -7)   

(((((((((((((shakylady))))))))))))))

I am so sorry this has happened to you but I sense that you are strong and maybe not as surprised by your husband's behavior as hurt by what has happened.

Do you really want to let your son go with this man that has no relationship with his Father,  Just food for thought?

Were  you happy in the relationship? Sit back for a moment and think to yourself  'Was I happy in my relationship?'  If you were  not happy then you need to ask another question. Ask yourself 'Can I foresee myself ever being happy in this relationship?'

The decision to divorce is never easy, but you do have options. You need to be able to look at your life as whole and decide if it is good or bad. You also need to look at every possible aspect of your relationship with your spouse and see if the good outweighs the bad, or if the bad outweighs the good. Sometimes your judgment is clouded when you only focus on the good or only on the bad. The bottom line is to do what you need to do to have a more fulfilling and happy life.

You gave up a lot by relocating and opening up your heart with forgiveness.  Now perhaps it is in your best interest to move back to where you were happy while he was gone.

Remember  you can only change yourself not another person.

I am feeling very concerned for you.  Tonight, watch some television, read a book, call an old friend...............eat some chocolate.

Don't sit alone and cry, instead celebrate all your accomplishments knowing you will move on and life will be better.

Hugs
Kitt


 


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
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shakylady
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 9/19/2008 4:34 PM (GMT -7)   
I wish it were that easy, I do believe I was happy in the relationship. And no I don't want my son to be with him but it is selfish of me to keep him from his dad whom he has grown to love in this short amount of time. And if I don't then my husband will take me to court for custody.  As for moving I am in a binding lease until June so there is no moving back. Thank you all for your advise I really appreciate it. I just wish I could go back in time and fix this because i don't wish my husband to not be with us. I feel we had lots of happy times unless he was fakeing it all. I just think that he felt traped or somethign. I guess I will never know. I am hoping to find a new counselor, I have had alergic reactions to both celexa and imipremene now so meds are not an option for me any more. Guess I gotta shake this thing on my own.
sad shaky lady


Doug Rooney
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 9/19/2008 5:13 PM (GMT -7)   
From one newbie to another....YOU ARE NOT ALONE! From what I've seen in 2 days on this board, there are MANY caring people here. We can all help each other through tough times. Just keep talking,, ok? I care, Doug

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 9/21/2008 4:41 AM (GMT -7)   
HI Shakylady,

You do have rights in visitation. Do you think that he would take your son? That is what scares me with the motel visits. Maybe there should be supervised visits. That is if you fear anything.

I hope that you can get good counseling soon and medications that work for you.

Best wishes,
hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


shakylady
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 9/21/2008 5:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Ya thanks. I  made him stay with his Aunt here in town for the weekend. I cried all weekend. Still crying I think this is a new record for me 2 days straight. I miss him so bad. He wanted to stay here at the house but not to be with me, he wanted me to cook for hiim. He said that he missed my cooking. I lost it rite there and have been crying ever since.
sad shaky lady

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