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verks36
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 9/21/2008 11:14 PM (GMT -7)   
I feel sad and deppressed because I have trouble fitting in I dont have lot of friends and a lot of people take me as a joke and dont respect me how do I gain more respect from poeple its like I dont have any confidence in my self whats so ever.

NightWish
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 129
   Posted 9/22/2008 12:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi verks36,

I'm sorry that you're upset about feeling that you don't fit in. Not understanding why you lack friends can definitely hurt your self-esteem. Can you be a little more specific on why you feel people take you as a joke and don't respect you? Do you feel that people laugh at you when you try to talk to them? Do they ignore you? Is this happening at school? If you give us an example of a situation that hurt your feelings or made you feel disrespected, we can better figure out what's going on.

It's important to remember that sometimes it can just take time to find the right group of people who share your values and interests. Good friendships start with people who accept you for who you are and don't expect you to be perfect.

NW

Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 9/22/2008 1:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Verks36,
 
The most improtant way that I have learned to gain the respect from others is to respect and love yourself first.  The more you learn to love & respect yourself the more respect from others will just fall in to place.  That is what I have found anyway
 
 
Confusedli
 
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."
 
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"


enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 9/22/2008 1:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Verks,

I am sorry to hear that you feel this way. I found out that this is a somewhat vicious circle. When you are sad, others will notice, and people just don't like talking to sad individuals that much. The opposite of course also applies. If you can make yourself to smile all the time and at everything, others will notice. And as a result, they will start talking to you, because people like talking to happy persons.

But the most important thing is what is said already, that you love yourself. If you can love yourself, feel good about everything you are, if you can fully accept who you are. This can be a major step in your life, because once you truly love yourself, your happiness won't be dependent on others or other things. No outside change can take away your happiness. So in fact, what I am suggesting here is the "key to eternal happiness". It won't come in 3 seconds, but if you had enough of the pain and sadness and are willing to do your very best, you will succeed. Practise makes perfect.

But for now I suggest you keep on writing down your thoughts, and sharing them if you want that. Or just make time to do the things you like (although I know how hard it can be to motivate yourself if you feel sad).

I wish you all the best, and please remember that you have just made a friend! :-)
Erik

All the best
Acceptance is the key

Existential depression and Insecurity

Try to keep smiling! :)


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 9/22/2008 1:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Verks,

I can completely relate to where you are coming from. I went through most of my school years (Up to where I went to University) feeling like that and I know its a horrible feeling. The one thing that people pick up on is low self esteem and people seem to shy away from making friends with people like that. The good news is that you can change it. There are councillors who specialise in confidence / esteem (I think in the US you call the Life-Coaches). You can also do things yourself by setting yourself tasks (Such as talking to someone in a bar). The important thing to remember is that you are not on your own and you will always fit in here so if you need any help or advice, just ask. There is no such thing as a stupid question if you dont know the answer

Darren
Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
 
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getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 9/22/2008 8:59 AM (GMT -7)   
I feel that you have gotten some very good advice here. The most important thing to remember is what Confusedli said. Learn to love yourself. That is most important. And as Erik said, put a smile on your face. And as Darren said, you fit in here.  Also as nightwish asked, could you be a little more specific?  Also true friends don't expect you to be perfect.  So with that said, I will say to have a wonderful day, keep posting.

hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Post Edited (getting by) : 9/22/2008 10:02:02 AM (GMT-6)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/23/2008 4:38 PM (GMT -7)   

Verks,

Hello, this is Kitt.

We all want to be liked and respected. Most of us have an inborn trait to be kind and we do our best to help others in need. We are not dumb, we are kind to a fault sometimes.

The problem is that in our kindness and sharing we sometimes leave ourselves vulnerable to the nasty, selfish people who are only pretending to like us to satisfy their own agendas.

Recognize the people that are not good for you and look for all those kind and caring people out there that would love to have a new friend.

BE assertive.

Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
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Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
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Ryuiichi
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 10/3/2008 8:15 AM (GMT -7)   
hey verks36,
i know exactly what your going through because alot of my years of high school, i would always get picked on a lot. this has caused a lot of my anger and i really hate being angry because naturally im a very nice person. its really hard when no one around seems to care what you are going through. i am willing to talk more if thats okay with you.
 

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 10/3/2008 9:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Ryuiichi,

I dont' think that I have met you yet, so I would like to welcome you to the depression forum. I think as long as we care about ourselves, that is most important. Also even if somebody doesnt' show that they care, doesn't mean that they don't. Some people are shy and don't know what to say.

Try to focus on you, getting better and loving yourself.

Keep posting,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Ryuiichi
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 10/19/2008 4:50 PM (GMT -7)   

hey Verks,

yeah it could be frustrating when people tend to do that because it does make a person feel worse. when i was growing up, i always was picked on only because i sat by myself, and tend to sound people out. it put a lot of fear in myself because of the anger that it caused. if u try to look hard enough, you will find that people are willing to help. i guess you can see that with this website. you see there are a lot more people that want to help and be your friend, but you have to look within theirs and your heart to know who is a true friend and knows exactly what you are going through and who really doesnt care. i can tell you though, it took me 13 years to get up the courage but i found true friends, and its helped me a lot in school. and this, im willing to be there for you if you need anyone to talk to.

 

RYU


beartooth
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 517
   Posted 10/20/2008 5:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Verks -

I'm usually over on the Ulcerative Colitis forum, but I since I suffer from depression as well, I read through this board. I know what you mean about not fitting in. I've moved around a lot in my life, both childhood and adulthood. I became very self-reliant, and also a loner. I got so used to making and losing friends that I don't even bother making them anymore. I content myself with work acquaintances because that is really the only social outlet I have.

Somewhere in my life I started putting "stay away" vibes that others pick up on. It doesn't matter where I've moved to, I have a difficult time meeting people. I tend to do solo activities like hiking, backpacking, reading, and keep to myself. I don't make small talk very well, unless I know someone (there's a Catch-22: how do talk to someone unless you already know them and are comfortable with them?!?) This does nothing to help me fit in.

I finally got to a point where I'm sick of moving, so I've settled myself down, and have every intention of being with my employer until I retire. I've been here for over a year, and I honestly have no friends yet. I'm hoping that the more comfortable I get here, the more I'll step out of my comfort zone and take some risks. I joined a local hiking club, but my colitis was flaring really bad this summer, so I was unable to get out hiking with them. I'm hoping that I can get myself healthy and back in shape by next summer, and I will try once again with the hiking club.

I guess this my rambling way of saying that if you don't put yourself out there, you can't expect make connections with others. Instead of viewing your current situation as being totally isolated and disconnected, embrace this time alone, and find activities you like to do. This will help with your confidence, and as you gain confidence, you will find it easier to meet people. More importantly, with more confidence, when you meet someone, you won't have irrational thoughts that the new acquaintances are thinking poorly of you. That is your mind messing with you. If you think others think poorly of you, then you will always be able to find evidence of that. If you believe in yourself, it will be easier to find the positives in any situation.

I noticed that you started this thread back in Sept, and haven't written anything since then. If you do happen to read this (and I hope you do!), HealingWell is a great place to develop your social skills. The members share some of your same experiences, and they understand what you are going through.

I hope to see you around.
Brandon
 
36 y.o. male
Diagnosed w/ moderate UC in May '06
Meds & supplements:  Asacol, Florastor, VSL#3, Wellbutrin XL, Prozac, multi-vitamin, Allegra, Lialda, Colocort enema every other night, Prednisone (down to 5mg), flaxseed oil, L-glutamine.

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