I would like to suggest therapy as you have many emotions going at once and you have suffered a great loss. I know that is hard to get others to understand how your feel right now.
Please look at our resources at the top of this page. CBT therapy has helped many on the site.
I think I mentioned some other options in the other thread you posted in.
We are here for youHugsKitt
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression& GERD Forums*~*