bad couple of days

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New Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 9/24/2008 11:33 PM (GMT -6)   
hello again. i can't sleep cause of the things on my mind and i thought that venting a little would help. My daughters memory is still with me but i am beginning to lose some of the feeling to them. I can no longer feel her when i remember holding her. My fiance has become distance and seems like he's not here when he is. He has stopped hugging me and kissing on me unless it's kissing me hi or bye or has something to do with sex. No more cuddling. While having sex i actually caught him watching the t.v. I feel as though i am 2 faced. one person when family or friends are around, happy and carefree, and another when i am alone, deep in a dark hole that it seems i can't excape from, not wanting to carry on as nothing but an empty vessel. I feel like i lost my daughter and my fiance too. why can't he see i just need him to hold me sometimes. to wrap me in his arms and make me feel like the world is renewing itself not ending. We fought last night and i know that i caused it but it wasn't intentional. he hurt my feelings and i just wanted to express my self. i should have done it differently. we were supposed to get married on november 8th. i can't explain why this date matters so much to me it just does. i think that if he doesn't marry me then that he never will i guess. he wrote me a letter saying how he can't wait til i am his wife on nov. 8th but now he wants to push it back and won't even give me a general time of when we can TALK about resetting the date. the thing is my sister is in missions and that was the day she asked off for. by the time we reset it she maybe in honduras. I  want my sister there, and this is the time that i want to get can i make him understand my feelings about the wedding and my depression if he has never had to deal with depression? i fear he will never know how i feel. i think he feels that throwing medicine at it will fix it and stop us from fighting, meds help but they can't do the whole job unless the perscription is so high that i walk around like a zombie. sure i am not depressed but i am not happy either, in fact i feel nothing at all at that level of what do i do?

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/25/2008 4:07 AM (GMT -6)   


I would like to suggest therapy as you have many emotions going at once and you have suffered a great loss.  I know that is hard to get others to understand how your feel right now.

Please look at our resources at the top of this page.  CBT therapy has helped many on the site.

I think I mentioned some other options in the other thread you posted in.

We are here for you


Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
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It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
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Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 9/25/2008 4:32 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,

I think the best way to talk to him is openly and honestly but without shouting. As Kitt has said, CBT is a great tool and I think its something that you may benifit from as well.

Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
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Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40391
   Posted 9/25/2008 7:10 AM (GMT -6)   
I agree with these guys. CBT therapy and maybe try another medication.

You have suffered a great loss sweetie. You do have to be honest with your husband. If you can't talk, try writing it down on paper and giving it to him. He may react a lot better than you think he will. You have genuine feelings and they need to be expressed.

Also grieving takes time, you are probably still going through the process. Give yourself the time that it needs to get through this. You deserve that much.

Best wishes for you to have a wonderful day.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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