things people say to you about your depression that drive you nut.

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

JohnD
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2004
Total Posts : 472
   Posted 9/29/2008 9:46 AM (GMT -7)   

It bothers me when you confide in someone about how you are feeling and they respond with the remark "there's always someone out there who's worse off then you". How is that supposed to make us feel better? The only thing that does is make me feel guilty about feeling the way I feel.

 

40, Married?????? w/ 4 kids
Had problems (pain, bleeding, nausea) since age 13.

Dx'd with Crohn's in Spring of 1991.
Broke the L1(mid back) in 1999
went on Remicade in early 2004.
Pain Doc believes the LLQ pain are pinched nerves
spinal cord stimulator implanted july 3, 17, Aug 27


jujub
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Mar 2003
Total Posts : 10392
   Posted 9/29/2008 9:57 AM (GMT -7)   

My mother used to tell me "If you're feeling depressed, get up, get busy and do something. You won't have time to brood."

I know she was trying to help, and that was the belief at the time, but like any person with clinical depression, I knew it wasn't the answer for me. Thirty years later, I finally gave in and started on antidepressants. An amazingly low dose of Zoloft changed my whole life and attitude.


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 9/29/2008 10:50 AM (GMT -7)   
My favorite is my father who tells me to "quit dwelling on it," and to not "sweat the small stuff." He means well, but obviously has no idea what depression means and isn't open at all to my explanations.

Finally I just gave up talking about my emotional state with him at all. Now I have a therapist instead.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 9/29/2008 11:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Yes there are others who have it worse than we do, but, that doesn't make our problems any easier or any less significant.

We deal with our problems the way we deal with them. Everybody is different. So don't let it get to you if you can help it. Try to stay in the moment and cope the best way you know how.

My grandmother's advice was always, it will get better when you get married, and some day you will look back at this and laugh about it, ........right. But things don't seem so bad as they use to and with the help of medications and therapy, my life is better. Seems to be anyway.

Best wishes to you. Don't let anybody make you feel like your problems don't matter, maybe you might not want to talk about them to this person any more. Are you going to any counseling? That is the place that we can feel accepted for who we are and work out our problems.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/29/2008 1:41 PM (GMT -7)   

My favorite is response is, " I can't be around sad people, it is to depressing" redface   Boy that makes you feel cared about and you learn to just shut up quickly.  So when someone asks how are you, the pat answer is "I am fine"

"The tears of a clown"  Well clowns,  we have to validate our own feelings and kick the insensitive remarks to the curb. We are important and our disorders are painful and sad yet we often fight a lonely battle because we don't look sick.

So to each of you I say, blow off the hurtful remarks and come here where everyone knows your name. smhair

Big hugs to all
Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


bookworm21
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 1766
   Posted 9/29/2008 1:55 PM (GMT -7)   
I know exactly what you mean, John. When I was in a deep depression or get into my bouts of crying, my parents always tell me to get over it and that I'm lucky/I could be so much worse off/etc. It just made me cry more because I felt so guilty.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 9/30/2008 4:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh yeah, we could be a lot worse off, but we could feel a lot better too. I know just how you feel. People just don't understand how terrible it is to feel so sad inside all of the time. But I think we have to realize that it is okay to be sad, embrace that and try to move on. I think once we accept that we are sad and it is okay, then we can move on. It just takes a whole lot accepting it. Without feeling guilty for feeling rotten.

Does that make any sense?

hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


JohnD
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2004
Total Posts : 472
   Posted 10/1/2008 5:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Karen said...
(it is okay to be sad, embrace that and try to move on.)
 

It makes since. But in those really low times, the little tid-bits of advice ppl spout out can be as welcome as another whole in the head.

 

  I just hate it when ppl who haven't got a clue, give advise like they have all the answers.

 

   Sorry for sounding angry it isn't intended to sound that way, I've just been having a tough time lately.

 

JohnD


40, Married?????? w/ 4 kids
Had problems (pain, bleeding, nausea) since age 13.

Dx'd with Crohn's in Spring of 1991.
Broke the L1(mid back) in 1999
went on Remicade in early 2004.
Pain Doc believes the LLQ pain are pinched nerves
spinal cord stimulator implanted july 3, 17, Aug 27


Gabby123
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 113
   Posted 10/1/2008 8:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Ugh I hate that too. I ALWAYS hear that.  Pain is pain.  How can u compare one person's pain to someone elses'?  No one knows what you have been through but you.  To say that someone else is "so much worse off than you are" is demeaning and usualy the person who said it to you has no clue what you are going through.  With depression you can't just "get over it," or just "snap out of it."  Depression is mental pain.  Don't you think if i could just snap out of it i would have by now??  Unfortunaletly I have mental and physical pain, but I'm not going around saying how worse off I am than someone else.  Sorry you have to go through all that I understand.  I hope you feel better

ediekristen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 1366
   Posted 10/1/2008 12:19 PM (GMT -7)   
I've had people say I'm "just doing this to myself" and I could get better if I WANTED to. Well gee, way to make me feel even more stupid and worthless! Or like my boyfriend who doesn't seem to think depression is a real thing, doesn't think seeing a therapist is helpful at all and they're just in it for the money, and that taking meds will just make things worse (and actually said if he found them he'd flush them, so I keep my bottle at work).

Female, 23, Ulcerative colitis (pancolitis) since 1999; GERD; gastritis; osteopenia in femur head & lumbar spine from long term prednisone use...

Current Meds:
Lexapro 10mg, Sulfasalizine 3000mg/day

 
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 10/1/2008 12:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi John,

What I meant was to embrace that feeling, and realize that it is okay. With that in mind we try to keep going. It makes it easier when you allow yourself to feel sad, or bad, or whatever. And know that it is okay to feel that way, even if you are angry. These are normal feelings, we just have them more than others at times.

I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/1/2008 2:17 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello All,

I have been told I wear my feelings on my sleeve which always made me feel self concious and also I let my feelings get hurt.  Well I have excepted that now.  It is who I am.  smhair I turn the hurt feelings around quickly and I guess if you can read my emotions on the sleeve of my shirt then so be it but your can't read my mind. idea

So I want to encourage each of you to love yourself and know we are all members of the same family.

"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself."
Hecato, Greek philosopher

Hugs to All,

Kitt


Angie74
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 10/1/2008 5:52 PM (GMT -7)   
A couple of my favorites are "why can't you just snap out of it?" and "Quit feeling sorry for yourself. Only you can change how you feel".

enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 10/2/2008 12:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Eej,

Funny, when I try to think of things others said, I can't remember any. I used to avoid people as much as I can when I felt down, and when I was around I put up my pokerface. The ones I told I was depressed were shocked, because they always thought I was a positive person.

Ow wait, I can think of one. When I was feeling really down, my mum would say I had to go to school. I hated that one :) (luckily, my mental downs made me appear physically sick, real pale and tired, so I could stay home whatsoever).

Erik
Acceptance is the key

Existential depression and Insecurity

Try to keep smiling! :)


JohnD
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2004
Total Posts : 472
   Posted 10/2/2008 3:07 AM (GMT -7)   

Karen,

I hope you didn't think I was referring to you when I was saying:

 "I just hate it when ppl who haven't got a clue, give advise like they have all the answers."

I completely agree with you. I do appreciate the kind thoughts. I am feeling better today.

I don't know about anybody else, but if I forget to take my meds it doesn't take long before my attitude goes straight down hill and that's what has been happening lately.

I just need to get settled into this new routine and hopefully the rest will fall back into place.

 

P.S. I just wanted to say also........Welcome to the Healingwell forums Angie74.

 


40, Married?????? w/ 4 kids
Had problems (pain, bleeding, nausea) since age 13.

Dx'd with Crohn's in Spring of 1991.
Broke the L1(mid back) in 1999
went on Remicade in early 2004.
Pain Doc believes the LLQ pain are pinched nerves
spinal cord stimulator implanted july 3, 17, Aug 27

Post Edited (JohnD) : 10/2/2008 4:10:42 AM (GMT-6)


mom9mom
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 489
   Posted 10/3/2008 11:56 PM (GMT -7)   
JohnD you are so right about people asking you to just get over it.My twin sister died 6 years ago and I just could not just get over it.My famialy knew that I was sad and destroying my life with drinking and gamboling because of it. But thay could not understand why it was taking so long(Thay started thinking that it was just the drinking but that was just self medicating my self)I stoped talking to anyone about how I felt inside untel I hurt myself very bad. I was in the hospital for 4 months.When I was in there I finally got the help I needed and the meds I needed.Know I take my meds. every day and just like you if I forget one or two days I can tell real fast. I will even get up in the middle of the night if I remember that I did not take it.Hope you have better days ahead.
Lost half of my small intestine, Nerve damage to right leg,part of my right hip bone removed,hernia,infection in my back called discites,and depression


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 10/4/2008 2:09 AM (GMT -7)   
John,

I wasn't sure, that is why I tried to explain myself. I know how it is to forget meds. I take effexor and if you forget that, you are in trouble until you get it back in your system. I have to carry xanax everywhere I go, just in case I get anxious. I am like a walking pharmacy. LOL

Have a great day,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 10/4/2008 5:44 PM (GMT -7)   

John, your feelings are your feelings and there is no right way or wrong way to feel.  When you are in pain you are suffering and being told to snap out of it or keep busy just doesn't work.  I have had extreme problems with lonliness in the past and I do have a fair number of friends but when I am down there is no snapping out of it.  I just avoid those people who can't understand. You need to do whatever it is that feels right to you and helps you.  I often post on here when i'm down and get replies back.  It helps to verbalize your feelings.  Just remember there are so many people on this forum who care and have been through rough times and we all help each other when we can.  And I hope you will feel that you can post what you are thinking and know that no one will be judging you.  We just want to help. You have found a really great place to come and talk to people and there will always be someone to answer your posts.  Try to ignore those who say the wrong things and do try to take good care of yourself. 

Aurora

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Saturday, December 10, 2016 7:20 PM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,736,162 posts in 301,358 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151449 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, iwanttocry.
294 Guest(s), 8 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
bluelyme, Ides, jennydancingfish, Xmaslover, platinumpixie, Tall Allen, julymorning, Peter A


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer