How can I help motivate depressed husband

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deb52
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 9/29/2008 1:32 PM (GMT -6)   
My husband has been diagnosed with severe clinical depression. He has tried several meds and is presently beginning to titrate up to 300 mg generic bupropion SR daily --titrate down from 90 mg cymbalta and maintain 2 mg risperdal.

He spends most of the day laying and thinking only negative thoughts. He has not been to work since May and on medical leave that will not last much longer. I try to get him to do things and am sometimes successful, but it is always at my convincing. He says he is skill-less and needs to resign and that we will lose everything. I feel so alone. It seems I am fighting both the illness and him at the same time and it sometimes becomes so overwhelming. I try to remain positive but it is never-ending. No family here to help.

Do I continue to push him to be active?? Whenever I mention work he just clams up and says no to everything. How can I get him to understand that he is not skill-less and is worthy of his job? I just don't know how much longer his boss will put up with his frustrating attitude. Most people just don't have the patience to wait. He wants nothing to do with therapy, but does go to the psychiatrist and trying meds.

Please help if you can. I need advice and/or encouragement to go on. I feel like my energy is all gone.

Thanks
Debbie

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 31797
   Posted 9/29/2008 1:59 PM (GMT -6)   

deb,

Depression is associated with dark words. “I’m not good enough,” “What’s the use of trying,” “I’m boring,” “I just have no luck,” “Why me" and so on.  A depressed person repeats this negative self-talk so many times until it becomes automatic, constantly replaying the same sad lyrics in his mind and believing every word.

Exercise physically and mentally empowers the self, awakening the potential to grow and move on. Should you push him.............I think you should start slowly and go with him until he is ready to go on his own.

The sunlight will energize him. A brisk walk will de-stress and cheer him  up. Aim for a twenty minute walk and each time try to pick up the pace. To make it exciting walk briskly for five minutes. Then slow down and walk at a relaxed pace for two minutes. Again, pick up the pace for five minutes, and stroll for two minutes. Continue the cycle. Varying the intervals kicks up the body and his mood, keeping him interested, alert and involved in the switches. When this becomes habitual, have him  pump his  arms and sprint for a minute as an interval.

Buy him a new pair of sneakers..............to remind him he needs to break those puppies in. turn

Stick up motivating quotes all over your home, especially on the refrigerator. Play motivating music, perhaps the theme song from Rocky. rolleyes

Get him outside and into the world again. 

Like Nike says, just do it.

Good Luck,
Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Wifeofdepression
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 10/1/2008 11:11 AM (GMT -6)   
Debbie,
I am so so sorry. I have no real advise. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. It is so hard. My husband has been dealing with chronic severe depression for several years. He too is on Wellbutrin but has zoloft as the add on. In the last 9 months there have been more good days than bad now, but we are entering a bad phase. His employer ran out of patience--he was one of the first to be downsized in April. He has been trying to find a new job, but with the economy it has been impossible. All the rejections are now taking its toll. For the last two weeks I have been begging him to get up and move. To keep trying. You get so tired. I am so tired. The reasoning and begging and pleading go nowhere. The black cloud is overtaking my whole house.
Trying to walk is a good idea, but I am so tired lately I am too tired to get him out to walk.
It is easier not to have family around--it makes it worse in alot of respects. No one understands the disease unless they live thru it--my parents dont get it at all. I often wish I never told them.
Lynne

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 32141
   Posted 10/1/2008 1:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Lynn,

Has your husband had a physical lately? His depression has been going on for a very long time. The reason I am asking is that I have fibromyalgia and I was in bed for two years due to that. The doctor finally put me on adderall and it really helped me. I now get up every day and try to do something constructive. Has he applied for disability? If not, I think that it is time that he does. It almost sounds like there is something going on in addition, either that or he is most severly depressed which would get him disability.

Best wishes hon for a wonderful day.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Wifeofdepression
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 10/1/2008 2:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Karen,
Thanks for asking. No physical--but we think we figured it out. While talking to his dr about increasing the wellbutrin xl to 300 we found that the pharmacy auto switched him to generic. The symptoms he has been having last week are classic side effects of the generic. Some people can not handle the different release--apparently he is one of them. Now to fight with the insurance company as we did notice the switch to generic and it has been 5 weeks before we reported the issue. So now they want us to pay the $180 refill charge.
That on top of them not offering parity for his psychologist visits. They are willing to pay for inpatient or a day program at 1000 a day for 90 days--but not 71 a week for a psychologist visit. He is not working. The costs are really adding up.

UgH!
Lynne.

deb52
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 10/1/2008 2:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks so much for your reply wifeofdepression. I so understand your tiredness. Each day I wake up and I just don't know how much more energy I have just to try and be positive. My husband is on the end of his medical leave time and I just don't know what will happen next. I don't know how much more patience his boss will have. My husband says he is skill-less and should just resign. What then??

His family only wants to hear good news and do not call here at all. When I am feeling like a need an ear and I call them, I am so sorry I did. They say that it is too much for them to hear. My family says they are sorry but they are glad that they are not in my shoes. I reallly am all alone in dealing with this. It is so hard to fight this all alone. The days are so long and I just can't sleep through the night worrying about what will happen if he loses his job. He says he can't do anything about it and that we will just lose everything. He is not old enough to retire. I just wish there was some way I could motivate him to care. I don't know how much longer I can keep on fighting.

Thanks for listening. I think I found this place just in time for myself. At least I can put some on my thoughts in writing. It does take away some of the heavy weight I think.

Debbie

deb52
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 10/1/2008 2:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Lynn

Did you say there is a problem with generic wellbutrin? My husband is taking generic buproprion SR -200mg morning and 100 mg afternoon- is this the same as wellbutrin XL? I think XL is extended release and SR is slow release. What were the side effects your husband was having? My husband just started on generic bupropion SR 2 weeks ago.
Thanks for you insight.
Debbie

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 31797
   Posted 10/1/2008 2:50 PM (GMT -6)   

Hello everyone..............

To the best of my knowledge generic medications have the same active ingredients, the same dosage form (tablets, capsules, suspension, and syrup) and are identical in the strength or concentration to brand name medications.

They may look different in shape, size and colors. There are strict guidelines that the generic medication has to meet in order to be called therapeutically equivalent and be marketed to you.

To be approved by the Food and Drug administration here, the amount of medication absorbed and the time that it takes the medication to be absorbed by the generic has to be within a certain percent of the brand name medication.

Even with these guidelines, there may be small differences between medications manufactured by different companies. In many cases, these differences will not dramatically change the way people respond to the medicine, but, in some people, even these small differences may be important. Usually, if a person can be kept on the same manufacturer’s product, they can be effectively and safely treated.

I hope this helps you.  Lynn I think you may have stumbled on an idea for your husbands changes.
 
Take care,
Kitt
 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 10/1/2008 7:42 PM (GMT -6)   

Hello Deb52,  I am sorry you are having such a difficult time now with your husband and the depression.  Have you considered a second opinion from another psychiatrist?  Maybe he is not on the right meds.  Also, as your family is not being supportive would it help for you to talk to a therapist to help you along with this?  Everyone on this forum is so caring and helpful but sometimes it is good to have a neutral person to help you put things in perspective.  I know you want to do the best you can to help your husband.  Please remember to try to take good care of yourself too right now.  If you are well you will be better able to help him.  I will keep you in my prayers.  And post any time you feel the need to talk.  I will always be glad to listen and offer support.

Gentle hugs,

Aurora


mandy32
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 10/2/2008 5:58 PM (GMT -6)   

hello, maybe you can help me.  I don't know if my husband is depressed.  He came home one night from work in july and said that he needs space.  I know that he is not having an affair.  We have a good life we have one son who is so wonderful and cute.  He says onething and then he says the oppisite.  He is working and not going in late, but before we went to newzealand to see his mom and said he didn't want to then the next night he did.  He loves to run and bike, but latley, he doesn't feel like it.  I ask him if he is depressed he says no.  friends and family have seen it too.  He use to love restoreing cars and selling them.  He has not touch the one in our yard for the past four months.  he wanted to put an addtion on about the same time and now doesn't want to live her.  He doesn't want to hang out with our friends anymore.  He goes to work and then goes to where he is staying.  For a long time he has had trouble going to sleep.  He is a paramedic and i know he has some rough calls?  Is this depression and how to I make him see it and get help.

thanks


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 32141
   Posted 10/2/2008 8:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Mandy,

Welcome to healing well Depression forum. I think you have a point. It sounds like your husband could be depressed. But I think that it would be a good idea if you talk to a professional about it. Have you considered going to counseling for support? And of course you always have us. So please keep posting, if you want, you can post on the introduction forum, start a new thread or continue here. Please tell us more about your situation, and we will see if we can help you some.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


tripton
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 10/3/2008 4:07 AM (GMT -6)   
I am sorry to hear it. In fact i have no concrete solution to it But what I face is the other side of the same coin. My wife is depressed and always thinks negative and starts crying all of sudden and I remain a plain spectator to it and am not finding a solution out of it. I too am in search of the solution and could not resist myself posting here.

deb52
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 10/3/2008 6:34 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello
My husband too lost interest in the things that brought him the most pleasue. He stopped exercising and going to karate. He also lost interest in his love of fishing. I am still trying to do whatever I can to help him. Sometimes it seems like such a long and lonely road. I cry and pray every day that things will be better for him and for us. When I say hang in there I truly mean it and so understand how hard that can be. My husband has been diagnosed with severe depression and we are trying to find him the right meds to help him. So far, he is not where he should be, but I just can't give up even though at times I think he has.

Debbie

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/4/2008 3:38 PM (GMT -6)   
I want to speak from the other side of this coin
As the depressed person sitting in a fetal position not seeing even what was on TV
My daughter could see I was going down
Kitt ( lil sis ) knew it as well

Neither of them pushed but they continually showed their love and thoughtfulness for me via hugs from Cait
Phone calls from Kitt

I felt as though I was in a hole so big and could not bring myself out of it ......
I have never been so like that ever
I am normally outgoing optomistic and I can get thru anything
I was "supermom" in a way and all that came crashing down due to ilnesses ........deaths of Mother ......2 yrs later father and an operation I was terrified of
As I said Kitt knew all this and would reach out to me and even if was to say "hekllo" and what are you doing...........her and Cait finally got thru to me

I did DIG my claws in and with baby steps I was able to make it thru with the love and support of my darling daughter and best sis ever ( Kitt)

Nudge gently IMHO and yes the sun does wonders as do walks and just being out in the air /exercise
NO watching horrid stuff on TV..I would literally break at a commercial about abused animals

Get out those shoes lol and I think you will all find that by gentle loving huggs he will get there.....
As well as talk to you about it as long as you dont try to pull it out of him IMHO

I KNOW I did and I am forever grateful to those 2 and other special members here on HW

Wishing you all the best............"Used To Be Thataway" .........LYN

Just my half penny worth


  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
                                    Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
Moderator @ Alzheimer's,Co Mod @ Anxiety/ Panic,Co Mod @ Crohns 
 
                                    FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
               Look For The GOOD,Even At Your Lowest
 
     Listen To Your Heart,Look Inside Yourself,Understand You
 
 
 
                    


deb52
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 10/4/2008 3:57 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks so much for your input. I pray every day for the time when I can speak of this as "been there". It is just so very hard "being there". I thank for you for the hope.
Debbie

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/4/2008 4:01 PM (GMT -6)   
Never a problem
I thought I was so lost but I am here to tell you
THERE is a LIGHT and there is certainly HOPE
and RECOVERY

Keep us posted plz

..........................LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
                                    Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
Moderator @ Alzheimer's,Co Mod @ Anxiety/ Panic,Co Mod @ Crohns 
 
                                    FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
               Look For The GOOD,Even At Your Lowest
 
     Listen To Your Heart,Look Inside Yourself,Understand You
 
 
 
                    


Wifeofdepression
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 10/6/2008 5:50 PM (GMT -6)   
Debbie,
You are right that the XL and SR have different release times. Apparently there was an issue with the generic. The FDA did a study and found that they people who were having adverse reactions were statistically insignificant. You can google it to see the issues. The side effects from switching from name brand to generic were headache, stomach distress, fatique. The pharmacist was able to call and get the insurance company to switch it back. He is feeling much better. Big change in just a few days.

Debbie, if I were you I would be fiquring out how you can support your family. That is what I now do. Our income has been cut by a little over 50%. It is not pleasant. But I can keep the roof over our head, food on the table, and most of the bills paid. Only thing that really hurts is the kids school. They go to private school and love it. I am using our savings for most of the year. Not sure what I will do when the savings runs out. Probably hit the college funds. I keep hoping he will find a new job, but with the economy the way it is I dont think things look good.

Lynne

seems
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 10/6/2008 7:59 PM (GMT -6)   
You people are doing absolutely great, what else a husband wants except the support and motivation from wife. Being a wife we have to play so many roles. You are doing a great work. I am proud to be a women
home health care
www.connectingcaregivers.com


deb52
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 10/8/2008 7:43 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello Wifeofdepression

I have couple of questions for you. How do you keep on going? What gives you the strength to endure another day? Sometimes I see a glimmer of hope that things will get better, but it is taking soooo long. My husband is scheduled to go back to work next week. Part of me can't wait--the other part is so nervous. What if he is not ready? What if the boss just gets so frustrated with him?

I have changed my job status at work to full time from part time (was 3/4). My pay is no where near his. We will definitely go into savings in a hurry. We have a child in college and I would do anything to keep her there.

So what do you do to keep your mind off thinking about these issues all the time? It is just him and I at home and sometimes it is so hard.

Also, what dosage of wellbutrin XL is your husband on? Is it helping? Mine is on 300 mg/day and also 30/mg cymbalta. The cymbalta has been lowered from 90.

Thanks for any input or advice.

Debbie
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