Promised I would be brave but am so sad

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Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 9/29/2008 6:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Tonight is my last night with my poor Rusty.  We take him to the vet tomorrow to have him put to sleep.  He truly is in bad shape - we realized today that he is truly blind as well as deaf.  And he has no quality left whatsoever to his life so I know that this is the right thing.  I thought I would be able to take this better but how can you manage when you have had this dear pet in your home for almost 17 years.  I should be grateful I was blessed to have him so long and that now I can give him the peace he deserves.  I guess I am finding it hard as my sons are feeling so bad. What is that saying from "Ferris Bueller," 'Between grief and nothing, I'll take grief.' Grief is the price we pay for love.  Just wanted to write to get this off my mind and hope by doing so I come to terms with this. I know so many of you have gone through this so I know you all understand. Just had to get it written down as a way to help me. Thanks for all your kind words in the past.

Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 9/30/2008 3:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Aurora,

Just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you, and I hope that your day isn't too hard.
Confusedli
 
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."
 
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"


enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 9/30/2008 5:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Heej Aurora,

I hope you will see this day in perspective, as you gave Rusty the opportunity to live a great life. Just try to think of all the good times you shared whenever you feel sadness welling up. It won't stop the tears, but it can transform them into tears of acceptance, joy, and gratitude for all the time you could spend together.

All the best on this tough day!
Erik
Acceptance is the key

Existential depression and Insecurity

Try to keep smiling! :)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/30/2008 1:17 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear Aurora,

I do understand so very much.  After it is over you cry but you come to the realization that you did the right thing no matter how painful it is for you it is so much more so for Rusty not to be able to run free.  Soon he will be able to do that again.

You are a special person to put him first.  Lots of hugs for you.

Love,
Kitt



getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40574
   Posted 9/30/2008 1:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Aurora,

I feel so sad for you. I hope that you can come to realize that you are doing the right thing for Rusty. I have a german shepard that has been fighting all of her life with yeast issues and allergies. She gets so miserable sometimes with all of the itching. I am doing everything in my power to keep her comfortable and happy. But she will be eight soon and german shepards don't always live as long as the other breeds of dogs, so I am always worried that the day will come when I will have to do the same. But I know in my heart when that time comes, I will be doing the right thing for her.

I know that this is so hard for you. But you have given Rusty a truly happy life and now is the time to let him go. You will be okay, maybe you will even get another dog, maybe a puppy. Wouldn't that be so wonderful? Just know that we are all here for you. Please post and let us know how you are doing.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 9/30/2008 5:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all for your kind replies.  My Rusty is gone but I feel my tears will be forever.  It was so quick - he just went to sleep.  The vet gave us as much time as we wanted with him and he was so peaceful lying there.  It is just so hard to part with such a loved pet and family member. I know I will eventually adjust but it will be so strange not having him come out from under my bed in the morning.  And he seemed so miserable the last few days and had such a terrible night last night. I have my birthday coming up and the holidays so it is better to get some of this sadness eased away.  I know you have all been through this so know how tough it is.  I still do have another dog at home - Ramone who is 13.  He knows something is different and I think he may be a little sad too.  Again thank you for helping me through this.  It's been a long time since I have had to deal with such a sad situation.  I think of Rusty up in heaven now with my other 2 dogs, romping around.

bookworm21
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 1766
   Posted 10/1/2008 8:15 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Aurora,

I am sorry you had to put your dog to sleep, but it was the right thing to do. He's now happy in heaven and thanking you for letting him go.

*hugs*


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 10/1/2008 11:39 AM (GMT -7)   

Thanks Comedy for your kindness.  I know I will get over this with time, just need to grieve for a bit.  It's so wonderful to have all you for my friends and for caring so much.

Aurora


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/1/2008 2:21 PM (GMT -7)   

Hugs to you Aurora,

I too have a second dog and she took right over when I put my wonderful 1st dog I ever owned to sleep.  The two dogs have different personalities which is good.

I have enjoyed getting use to this one sleeping at the foot of my bed.  She keeps my feet warm.

Your in my prayers.

Love,
Kitt


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 10/1/2008 3:24 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks Kitt for your kind words.  It has helped me to have the other dog as i still have someone to love and give attention to.  And this one, Ramone is a really different personality.  In fact he has an incredible personality.  He loves playing with toys and throws them around and looks at them like who threw that and he better go get it.  He can do this for 20 min at a time.  And he kind of talks to you.  He has little noises and yowls that he makes when you talk to him.  I know I will get through this loss - it is just going to take some time to go by to heal. All of you have been so wonderful to me and I want you all to know how much I truly appreciate it.

Many hugs,

Aurora


deb52
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 10/1/2008 4:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Aurora
I so feel your sadness. We lost our beloved dog this past May. She was 15. I think of her every day as I am sure you will think of Rusty. In time I hope when you think of her you will smile remembering all the happiness he brought to you through those wonderful years.

Thinking of you
Debbie

ediekristen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 1366
   Posted 10/1/2008 4:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh Aurora, that is so sad. I'm a huge dog lover, I'm honestly not happy if I don't have a dog. I remember losing my first dog that I grew up with when I was in 5th grade and I was absolutely devastated. She was having a seizure and my parents brought her to the vet and they came home with no dog and a box of donuts (maybe to help ease the blow?) Needless to say I didn't touch the donuts, I just sat in the bathroom and cried. I've had one dog pass since then and I currently have two dogs, a boxer and a lab, and I just dread the day I know must come. Pets are such a special type of friend... They're the best listeners, they always know how to make you smile, they forgive easily, and even when they do something wrong you can't help but love them anyway. I think the strongest love I've ever felt is for my animals.

But as you said, love and grief just go hand in hand and it's all part of this crazy thing we call life. Maybe it's because i'm still young but I still haven't completely grasped the idea of mortality... It's so hard to wrap your mind around all of the concepts of life. How something so wonderful and beautiful could at the very same time be painful and ugly.

I'm glad you still have a furry friend around and that you two are keeping each other company in this sad time. I still feel sad for my pets I've lost but the hurt eases up eventually and just becomes fond memories. Do you think you will ever get another puppy to care for?

Female, 23, Ulcerative colitis (pancolitis) since 1999; GERD; gastritis; osteopenia in femur head & lumbar spine from long term prednisone use...

Current Meds:
Lexapro 10mg, Sulfasalizine 3000mg/day

 
 


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 10/1/2008 6:26 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks for your kindness Deb and Ediekristen.  It helps to have so much support and from the most incredible caring people. You are right Edie about how life can be so good one moment and then be so difficult.  I have always had dogs my whole life and cats too when I was growing up. You never get used to losing them as they are truly members of the family.  I am grateful I still have my other dog, Ramone.  You are young and so it is harder for you to experience some of these things that happen, but somehow I think God gives us strength to go on and carries us when we can't.  My only family now are my 2 sons and an Aunt.  I have lost all grandparents, parents and both sisters.  It is important to take advantage of the good times and know that with help we can survive the down times.  Deb, I am truly sorry you lost your beloved pet.  It is just needing time to pass that eases the pain.  And then we have our wonderful memories.  I have a photo album devoted just to pictures of all my dogs. I will look at it when I am feeling stronger.Again thank you all for being so good to me.  I hope I can always return the support to any and all who need it.

Aurora

enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 10/2/2008 12:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Heej Aurora,

I hope today is a better day. You are so right when you say that one should enjoy the good times. I am going up and down my entire life, but not until recently I figured out that I can make the ups way better without effort. That way, they also last longer, and it even looks if they lift the entire curve, since my downs aren't really downs any more.

Take care!
Erik
Acceptance is the key

Existential depression and Insecurity

Try to keep smiling! :)


dysthymia
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 79
   Posted 10/2/2008 3:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear Aurora,
I feel so sorry and sad for your loss;some insensitive people just don't get how devastating the loss of a beloved pet can be.I'm a cat lover myself,and when we got married,we got two kittens,sisters.One developed cancer aged 14---she had surgery,but the growth returned within weeks,and the vet rang to say that during surgery it was obvious that the cancer was very aggressive,and that my cat was already suffering.So I had to make that horrible journey.I spent a few minutes alone with her(she was unconscious),talking to her as I always had,and then I carried on doing the same while the terrible thing was done.Me and my husband wept for weeks,and her sister became distressed--she was mourning too.
My remaining cat is now 17,and has really come into her own(her sister had always been the dominant one)-----she is such good company(I'm very isolated),and is such a comfort;likes to be close to you,and always available for a cuddle.It's poignant though----she is pretty good physically,but obviously she's a great age,and inevitably,we'll have to deal with the loss of her eventually.
It's only in the past few months that we've been able to talk about the cat we lost,without crying.Animals are fantastic--uncomplicated affection givers,and great fun.
You will grieve at your own pace,but I hope it won't be long before you can think of Rusty without too much distress.It's a cliche,but time does heal,and to love always means living with the fear of loss.That's life,though it sucks.
You had to make a hard decision about Rusty---please believe that it was the right one,and that your love for him motivated you right up to the end---he is free from pain now,and he had a long and wonderful life with someone who looked after and loved him.If there's a Dog Heaven(I believe there is),he'll be free of pain,and having fun with the other pets you've lost.I always think of my cat as lying in the sunshine,and chasing butterflies.
I wish you peace.
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