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onemoretime
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 10/1/2008 10:47 PM (GMT -7)   
I hope to get some good advise and make some friends.
 I currently joined match.com   xomydearxo  I figured I'd try it.


enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 10/2/2008 12:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Heej onmoretime!

Welcome to HW, and a pleasure to meet you! You've come to the right place if you are looking for friends.

I would love to give you advise, but could you be a bit more specific about you and the state you are in? I know this can be frightening, but writing down your thoughts and emotions helps you to explore yourself, and that will make the healing process a lot easier.

I hope to hear from you in the future!

All the best,
Erik
Acceptance is the key

Existential depression and Insecurity

Try to keep smiling! :)


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 10/2/2008 5:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there and Welcome to HealingWell!

As Erik has said, you have come to the right place for friends. We are like one big family here and we all help and support each other through the hard times. I have responded to your other thread where you have been more specific about your problems so I wont repeat myself here.

Always remember: There is NO SUCH THING as a stupid question if you dont know the answer

Darren
Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/2/2008 7:03 AM (GMT -7)   
 
Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum.

Every day members of HealingWell recover their self-esteem, their self-worth, their dreams, their pride, their dignity and a meaningful life. We are here to help so please share a bit more about your problems so we can respond.

Again a warm welcome,
Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40598
   Posted 10/2/2008 8:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Onemoretime,

You have gotten some wonderful advice, though we need to know a little about you to help you more. There is an introduction threaed if you would like to post on there, or continue on here if you prefer.

Have a wonderful day,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


onemoretime
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 10/3/2008 3:25 PM (GMT -7)   

confused   I know I'm more fortunet than a lot of others, but, I'm in a dark place in my life... I reccently got approved for total disability for my back. It doesn't pay enough to live on, so, I try to work a little here and there. I'm a great guy and very lonely. I take pain meds from my dr. every month. Good news is I don't abuse them in general, but, have found myself self medicating at times to not deal with reality.

 I would have to say the core of my depression, although it's a combination of things, is that I have been in love with this girl for 6 years now. We have lived together off and on but primarily as friends. Very frustrating. I told her how I feel and she replies month after month you never know what the future holds.

 I take Cymbalta, my anti depressant now for 6 months but I have been in bed for 6 days at a time. Very lonely. I hope to get some friends here and advise as soon as possible, I'm deeply hurting!


 I currently joined match.com   xomydearxo  I figured I'd try it.


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/3/2008 3:58 PM (GMT -7)   
onemoretime,
 
Hey there, you have come to the right place to find friends and support.
 
First of all, can you live with this girlfriend and I am wondering why you live together off and on.  Who's apartment or home are your living in, yours?
You have shared your feelings with her and it feels like she is giving you a trite answer.

There are some things you can do to decide if you are in the wrong relationship and if you need to get out.

Are you happy in the relationship? Sit back for a moment and think to yourself 'Am I happy in my relationship?' If you are happy, then great! If you're not happy then you need to ask another question. Ask yourself 'Can I foresee myself ever being happy in this relationship?'

I want to mention here that the small changes must come from inside you. You do not have the power to change anyone else (including your girl friend.)

You also need to look at every possible aspect of your relationship with your girlfriend and see if the good outweighs the bad, or if the bad outweighs the good. Sometimes your judgment is clouded when you only focus on the good or only on the bad. The bottom line is to do what you need to do to have a more fulfilling and happy life.

I get the feeling you are afraid to be alone and you are grasping at any time she will spend with you as a good thing and when she is not there you feel really depressed.

Remember only you can make you happy.  Take care of you and keep posting.

Kitt

 


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40598
   Posted 10/4/2008 2:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello Onemoretime,

Welcome to healing well. I just wanted to add that Kitt gave you some very good advice. And the bottom line is that only you can change yourself as she said. Ane we can't change other people.

I hope that all works out for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


onemoretime
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 10/5/2008 4:54 PM (GMT -7)   
 I just came home to my place after a short visit with her. This time it just seemed to have added more pain to see her and want to be with her,but, kitt is right, I'll be honest and say I'm lonely and fear I will always be alone. I know I need to love me first I just never have, I've always been codependent and don't know how to break that cycle.
 I currently joined match.com   xomydearxo  I figured I'd try it.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40598
   Posted 10/5/2008 5:15 PM (GMT -7)   
You need to take responsibility for your own actions at all times. You need to learn to love yourself, you don't need anybody to complete you. The stronger you get in this aspect, the more that people are drawn to you. You have to be your own person who gets into their own things. Start trying and things will fall into place.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


onemoretime
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 10/5/2008 5:20 PM (GMT -7)   
 Very true thanks Karen. It's a whole new ball game on my own now.

mom9mom
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 489
   Posted 10/5/2008 11:02 PM (GMT -7)   
I would like to say that you have made two steps in the right direction the first one was to find this site so you can get positive feed back. second was admeting that you are codependent.The next step is to try to do something about it.I am also on dessabilaty at this time so I know how nice it is to be able to talk on this site.If you are like me you only get out when you have to because it takes to much out of you physicaly.On this foram thay also have a site for cronic pain you might like to check it out.
Lost half of my small intestine, Nerve damage to right leg,part of my right hip bone removed,hernia,infection in my back called discites,and depression


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 10/6/2008 2:46 AM (GMT -7)   
mom9mom is right. You are taking positive steps forward and there is no rason why you cant continue to carry on doing so. Being afraid of being lonely is not a bad thing. I think it is natural and normal for people to feel that way so dont beat yourself up about it, but you do need to do something about it. I think you need to be open and honest with this girl and get her to do the same. 6 years of "You never know what the future holds" is a long time and part of me wonders whether she is trying to let you down gently. Unless you are both honest with each other, you will never know... it may be that she is just nervous.

Please keep talking to us

Darren
Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


onemoretime
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 10/6/2008 10:39 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm trying not feel sorry for myself, but, I do at times, I'm honest. I'm 43 and had major back surgeries but can function pretty good for the most part. But this depression is scary and lonely and I have spent a week in bed and not even interested in the tv...It's tough to take proper care of myself I feel anyway. My friend I'm in love with for six years is probably just keeping me around till she needs something. It's taking it's toll on me, my heart and my health over all. If I could just find the strength to not call or text her everyday like I do.She enlightens me that much just to hear from her. confused confused
Love, Darrel


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40598
   Posted 10/6/2008 12:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Darrel,

Do you have any hobbies or projects that you can work on to get her off of your mind for a few days? Wait and see if she calls or texts you first? I am just thinking if you don't seem so interested in her, how would she act? I hope that she isn't using you like you said until she needs something. Maybe she has just grown to depend on you. Are you enabling her with that? It sounds like you have a lot of sorting to do. But try to take life one day at a time and stay in the moment of things. This will help you to see things more clearly.

Best wishes to you,
hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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