new here, so blue, need someone to understand

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firebabe
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 206
   Posted 10/2/2008 6:04 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm new here, actually I'm from the Lupus site.  They say we can go hand in hand.  I didn't believe it, but I'm starting to.  I'm really struggling with some things in my life lately.  The loss of my pregnancy, my husband's way of dealing with it, my diagnosis of Lupus last year, many other diappointments including friendships lost because of a job promotion, friendships lost because of my Lupus and me not being fun anymore, having to work 2 jobs to support myself and doctor bills, and lately I've been dealing with completely HATING myself. 
 
I've had some serious anger issues to the point where if my husband even cocks off in the slightest I will grab whatever is closest to me and chuck it at the wall or him, whatever it hits basically.  The other night after an argument, he left and that left me with my anger and no place to put it, so I turned it on myself. This really scares me.  I have made an appointment to go and talk to someone, but I don't know if I can wait a whole month.  I feel like I'm going insane. 
 
Like I mentioned earlier I've lost friendships-mainly due to receiving a promotion at work, I deserved it, but some of the girls are angry at me for getting it.  I have severe anxiety at work and want to leave, but I've worked so hard and don't have anywhere else to turn.  Please, I just really need someone who understands and can help. 

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 10/2/2008 8:15:14 PM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 10/2/2008 7:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Firebabe,

Welcome to the depression forum. You now have a place to vent and a safe place to come to open up. All the members here are so kind and compassionate, I am sure that you will get a lot of responses.

I must recommend that you seek some sort of counseling or some anger management. It is very clear that you need some help with your emotions. The worst thing that you are doing though is hurting yourself. Please slow down and think about what you are doing. I know that things seem hard, but you are really doing a wonderful job. You just can't see it.

Getting a promotion at work is a huge thing, that shows you are good at what you do. That takes a lot of effort and concentration, so you do have something going for you. I know that it hurts when others get jealous, but they will get over it. It is change and some people can't handle change, especially if they aren't a part of it. But have patience, your friends will come around, it just takes a little time.

Please keep posting, we are here to help you as much as we can. There are a lot of us who have been in your situation and we understand that right now it seems hopeless, but it isn't. You can beat this and feel good. Just keep trying. And let us help you get there.

Try to hang on, we will help you until you can see somebody.  I know that you are really trying and having lupus isn't helping matters any.  But try to relax and calm down, breathe, we are here for you. 
 
I had to edit your post because it was too discriptive and we aren't allowed to talk about suicide.  But I am sure everybody understands what you are trying to say.  I am sorry for what you have gone through, but please don't take it out on yourself anymore, you don't deserve that.
 
Please stay with us,
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Post Edited (getting by) : 10/2/2008 8:30:04 PM (GMT-6)


firebabe
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 206
   Posted 10/3/2008 4:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for responding.  I'm trying my best to stay positive about everything, but I feel like I can't even be happy about my promotion because people think I'm gloating.  My closest friends at work are the people who are making my life a living hell.  I told my husband today that I know I should be happy but I'm not and I'm considering looking for a different job even if it means leaving a workplace that has been so good to me.  I don't care if I have to be on the bottom again-if I can have my friends back that would mean more to me than a stupid promotion anyways. 
 
I tried so hard not to cry at work today.  There were times when I just knew I wasn't included in the social buzz or just plain ignored in front of customers.  What a disrespect!  Girls never fight fair.  It's so stupid.  I thought in the real world that high school crap would be over with.  I dealt with alot of bullying in high school too-from my best friends who decided they wanted to dump me.  I just don't know how to deal with this-I can barely smile anymore-it's fake when I do.  I don't feel like I have a personal connection with anyone and that hurts to not be able to trust talking with friends or family about what it going on.  I'm going to call the clinic and ask if I can get in with the Dr. sooner-I need to.  Thanks for listening
~Firebabe~
 
"Challenges make you discover things about yourself you never really knew."
 
SLE and Class II Lupus Nephritis


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 10/3/2008 6:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Firebabe,

I really don't think these people are your friends. If they were they would be happy for you, not belittleing you. They wouldn't be excluding you either the way that they are. If I were you, I would keep my job and be proud to have it. You worked hard to get where you are and you shouldn't let these people make you feel like you don't deserve it.

Keep posting,

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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