Dealing with rejection

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NightWish
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 129
   Posted 10/3/2008 12:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello supportive friends,

Thanks in advance for letting me vent before I attempt to get some sleep. A conversation I had with my ex last night has me feeling sad and I'm thinking there might be some others out there who went through a confusing/depressing breakup who might be able to offer some words of comfort and assurance that the heart goes on.

As you may know, part of the reason I came on this board was that I was trying to get over my ex. It has been a challenge for me to do so because our history goes back since junior high and he is an awesome guy whom I can talk to about anything and everything, but our long distance situation became too much of a hurdle and I had a sense that something was missing. But he has always been a huge supporter of my career & educational endeavors and I have depended on him through our relationship and friendship in times of extreme stress and hardship.

I think because of all the excitement associated with the upcoming election and our similar views, we have started talking more recently, and I really started to think that we were both starting to consider giving it another try. But to my surprise, I finally got him to admit last night that since he doesn't want to get back into a long distance relationship and feels that I should be with someone who shares my strong faith, he's only interested in friendship. I feel stupid for thinking he was interested in more and it hurts to feel rejected by someone I care a lot about.

I think what scares me the most is that I won't find someone who I feel as close to and comfortable with as I do him. How can anyone else compete with someone I have cared about since junior high? Has anyone else found love again after ending a relationship that they thought was going to last forever? I really don't consider myself to be a needy person, and actually enjoy my independence, but I am finally just starting to realize that it is really over.

Thanks for listening,
NW

Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 10/3/2008 2:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Nightwish,

about 20 months ago, I split up with a wonderful guy who I have been with for 5 years. We were engaged and planning our wedding! But something wasn't right between us, I ended the relationship, but OMG it was so so scary. I felt so comfortable with this guy, happy, but just not contented I guess, I was so scared when I left him, tho I knew it was the right thing to do. I felt like I might be making a terrible mistake & all my family kept on telling me I was making a terrible mistake!

Anyway just 4 weeks after the end of this relationship, I met my current partner & I am so head over heels in love, the thing which felt not right in my last relationship has suddenly fallen in to place!

I think it's hard to see yourself moving forward from this relationship because your so used to it being there. Your missing the way things were I guess.

Not 100% sure of what i'm trying to say here - just that things don't necessarily turn out as you expect them too & sometimes you need to go out of your comfort zone to move forwards
Confusedli
 
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."
 
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"


enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 10/3/2008 4:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Heej NW,

I guess time is the answer. I still haven't been in a real relationship yet, but there were people I really loved, and who I was close with for a couple of months. Only they all rejected me :). At that moment, my world always collapsed, but after a while you start finding new things that interest you, new joys in life. I found my music through rejection, which is quite a paradox. Because right now music is my main interest, and one of my greater joys in life (I don't dare to say greatest), and I acquired that through the toughest rejection. The deepest fall got me on the highest top to say it metaphorically.

When I look at the times I got rejected I can only smile. I believe it was for my own benefit. Rejection played a major part in my depression, and made me feel so sick I couldn't take it any more. So rejection also brought me to my current state of happiness (I feel almost as joyful now as when I was a little kiddo running around without a single worry). So when I look back at it now, I smile because the rejections turned out to be for my benefit.

Of course, I am not you, and I don't know what I would be like now when I did had a relationship. All I know is that embracing the fact that it goes the way it goes, and thinking it happens for your benefit, will make you smile. I can also see it from the other side, the rejections are bad and ruined my life, but I will only hurt myself more by thinking that. So I try not to, and after a while it gets easier to see all the positive instead of the negative.

Love yourself NW, and the love of others will find you, I promise.
Erik
Acceptance is the key

Existential depression and Insecurity

Try to keep smiling! :)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 10/3/2008 8:15 AM (GMT -7)   
I think that you have gotten some very good advice Nightwish. It takes time, but one thing always leads to another. It sounds like he ended the relationship for you. I think he felt that you would be better off with a chance at a real relationship instead of a long distance one. I hope that I am right.

All in all, it will lead to something else down the road, it did for me anyway. I have been in this situation before and it does work out. I hope that you can see that, but I know that it is hard right now. I don't think he necessarily rejected you, I think he is doing what he thinks is best for you. And I think that it is out of love for you.

So don't dispair, things will get better, believe me, I know. I have been there. Keep your chin up, and keep posting, for we are here for you.

Hugs, karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


NightWish
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 129
   Posted 10/3/2008 3:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow. Thank you all so much for your insightful responses. All three are a tremendous help in creating a new perspective on this situation.

Confusedli - I feel like I can relate to such much of your situation with your ex fiance. It is extremely encouraging to know that you went through something so similar and that you found a new relationship that made you so much happier. Your decision must have been extremely difficult, especially with your family thinking you were making a big mistake! I can imagine that everyone gets confused in trying to determine whether it's just "cold feet" or just really not the right person. I congratulate you for being able to listen to your heart and not settling for just a comfortable relationship.

Erik - Thank you for sharing how you have also dealt with rejection. I am so glad you were able to direct your experience toward such a wonderful passion! I will remember that this situation will make me stronger and that it is important to continue loving myself in moving forward.

Karen - I feel so much better now in understanding that he didn't "reject" me but did what was best for me. I was trying to figure out why I felt so sad when I knew he wasn't saying anything mean or nasty and all I could think of was that he was telling me that I wasn't good enough. But you're right -- what he decided and said was out of love for me. I already feel so much better.

NW

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 10/3/2008 7:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh yes NightWish,

What he is doing is definately because he cares about you so much. I think that when he gets better that the two of you will be back together. So try to be patient and be there for him, everything will work out the way that it should.

I am so glad that you feel better, I want to keep helping you. So please keep posting so that we can know how you are doing.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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