I need help...please

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hurting13
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 10/4/2008 9:55 AM (GMT -7)   
So yesterday i came back to my new house from college...i went to get my dog from the back of the house and all i could see was her laying there.
 
i went to go get here, dropped everything, and realized she was wrapped up in her lease my my fathers new dog and she was straggled to death. I booked inside to find some scissors to cut her loose...i started bawling histercally and ended up puking several times.
 
i really just need someone to talk to or listen to me. or even just tell me what to do. I ended up burying her last night, after i couldn't find pictures of us. It made me realize how horrible i have been.
 
I have been a        in the past and am having strong urges to do it again.....i can't stop crying about it either.
 
i just have so many questions;
  • does she know how much i cared for her? she was the most important "being" in my life and now shes gone!
  • does she hate me for leaving her?

theres just too much to deal with but hopefully someone is here that i can talk to

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 10/4/2008 11:07:25 AM (GMT-6)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 10/4/2008 10:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Hurting,

I am so sorry, that must have been horrible for you to come home to. I am really really sorry. I know that she knows how much you loved her. I am a firm believer of animals going to heaven. And no she doesn't hate you for leaving her. They love unconditionally.

Do you have any people to support you? Friends or family? Are you going to any type of counseling? You need some support and soon. I don't want to think that you might hurt yourself. Please be kind to yourself, you don't deserve to be hurt.

I am here all day if you need. Just keep posting. I do have to edit your post though, just a few words. Just remember I am here to talk all day if you need.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


hurting13
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 10/4/2008 10:16 AM (GMT -7)   
I just don't understand any of this...it hurts so bad!
 
Yes i do have friends and family to talk to. I am going over to my sisters in a little bit...i just wanted to talk to strangers. for some weird reason it is easier to tell strangers things then your loved ones.
 
Ive just been writing so many things down to try and cope...ive had to deal with death before including my brother but this is the worst yet. She was my everything! i miss her so much...i really do hope she knows how much i love and miss her

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/4/2008 10:24 AM (GMT -7)   

hurting,

Hello, this is Kitt and please know that you did not do anything wrong, it was an accident

I had to put my dear sweet dog to sleep last November and I was lucky to be with her and hold her head but I cried for days.  Go ahead and cry.

To answer your questions:

Yes she knows how much you cared for her as she was happy with you and dogs sense when someone is their best friend.

This wonderful and loving dog does not hate you and she would feel sad to see you so upset and crying.

You have suffered a traumatic loss so let yourself grieve for your dog and know you and she were the best of friends.  She does not blame you and you should not blame yourself.

Remember it was an accident and throughout our lives we have to live with the accidents that happen and cause us pain.  You will make it through this.

Keep posting.

Hugs
Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 10/4/2008 10:24 AM (GMT -7)   
I think that she knows Hurting. I have two dogs, a german shepard and an australiancattledog/pitbull mix. I know how you feel. When I was way younger, my boyfriend and I were leaving somebodies house. He asked me if the dog was in the car and all I could see was her leash sticking in the door. She had jumped out before I shut the door. We drug her a couple of blocks. But she was okay. We took her to the vet and she just skinned up her elbows. But luckily he had me check for her before we were going very fast. I felt so guilty for such a long time.

But you couldn't help what happened. You didn't know that the dogs would get tangled up. What kind of dog was she? Was she a pup? If you don't want to talk about her that is okay. I am a dog lover myself.

I know that she knows that you love and miss her. So feel comfort in that. She is in a good place right now.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


hurting13
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 10/4/2008 10:33 AM (GMT -7)   
NO, i am sure it will help talking about how great she was...
 
She was a pug, just turned 6 in feb. We were in my moms house for a few years and then off on our own for a few years. This past august i moved back to my dads because i starting running out of money and couldn't pay bills anymore. It just makes me so mad that noone in the house checked on her all day...they promised they would
 
This entire summer i worked so much and she was so alone. Ever sense school started i look back and realized just how much i neglected her. I have been working just a little but taking 16 credits is time consuming. The free time i did have would be spent with friends i have made at college. She would sleep in my bed every night and i really did love her so much. I just can't believe she is gone...
 
And is makes me feel even worse the fact that i hardly have any pictures of her...

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/4/2008 10:44 AM (GMT -7)   

hurting,

You have pictures of her in your heart.  You will have a special spot forever just for your wonderful Pug. If she slept with you every night you spent 8 hours of your day with her. I hope this helps you. My daughter sent it to me when we lost our Dee to illness.

Rainbow Bridge 

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together.... 

Author unknown...



 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 10/4/2008 10:44 AM (GMT -7)   
I am sure that she was happy with any amount of time that you could spend with her. The closeness of sleeping together I am sure meant a lot to her. I think you were a good person for her and she loved you dearly.

I often feel guilty when I can't spend a lot of time with Chance, my ausie/pitbull mix. But my german shepard is so jealous of her. I have to keep her out in my work shop all of the time so Dharma, my shepard, wont hurt her. She is insanely jealous. But Chance is left alone a lot, but she still loves me. And is so happy to see me whenever I go in there to take care of her. So I know that your dog was happy with everything that you two did together. And was contented too.

Dogs just love unconditionally and don't get angry or hold grudges. They are just happy to be with us when they can. Maybe you can blow up one of her pictures and frame it. That would be cool. You always have the fond memories. Don't forget that.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


hurting13
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 10/4/2008 10:53 AM (GMT -7)   

Thank You for all the messages and everything....i am going to head to my sisters now.

Take care eevrything, and thank you again! I will probabaly be back on later; hopefully others are too.

Feel free to leave messages they have been really helpful


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 10/4/2008 11:04 AM (GMT -7)   

Dear Hurting, I know so well how terrible you are feeling.  I just had to have my precious dog put to sleep this week.  My sons and I stayed with him throughout the whole procedure and he went very peacefully.  My Rusty was 16yr, 8 mos. very old for a dog. He was a poodle.  He was in very poor health, blind, deaf, confused, etc.  What we did was a kindness for him to release him from his pain and suffering.  I have lost many other dogs and I know my Rusty is in heaven with all the other dogs free from any pain and dancing with all the other dogs there.  Do not feel guilty.  What the others have said is true.  Your dog knew you loved her and she loved you.  I know the hurt is unbearable right now.  Time is the true healer of all wounds and unfortunately when we go through such a hard thing it seems times stands still.  But the time will pass and you will eventually be able to think of your dog with wonderful memories.  What happened was a tragic accident so please don't blame yourself.  Grief is the price we pay for love and allow yourself the time to grieve.  You must also try to take good care of yourself.  Maybe there is a counselor you can talk to?  I think it is important to let your feelings out and cry as much as you need to.  That is how I am getting through my pain. And post here as often as you want.  There is always someone to talk to and I will be glad to answer any of your posts.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Gentle hugs,

Aurora


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 10/4/2008 11:05 AM (GMT -7)   
I am glad that you are going to your sister's house. You will feel better when you take your mind off of this for a while. I am going to take a nap. It was nice talking to you considering the circumstances.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


hurting13
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 10/5/2008 9:42 AM (GMT -7)   

Thank You Everyone!

Oh by the way her name was Letty...my best friend in the entire world.

I ended up burying her Friday night, but just this morning i finally decided i didn't want her in the ground so i went with my dad and dug her up. I am getting her cremated.

I was trying to think of ways to cope and my new step-mom does scrap booking alot. I asked her if she would help me with making a scrap book for Letty. My dad got some stamps of her paw. I was thinking for one page to do my handprint with hers. The page is gonna be cremes and green.

Anyone have any idea what to do for other pages? I do have a limited amount of pictures however...


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/5/2008 10:20 AM (GMT -7)   

Great idea to do a scrapbook for Letty.  You could tell her life story in the scrap book.  Add poems..........   I am glad you went with cremation, I did for my wonderful dog and Having the ashes come back to us in a nice container was a sad yet OK moment.  We buried her in the back yard and have a plaque on the site for her.

Hugs sweetie,

Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 10/5/2008 11:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi hurting,

I am happy that you are going to make a scrapbook. I think that is a wonderful idea. And I am glad that you are going to do a cremation for Letty.

It sounds like you are doing much better, I am so happy.

Luv and hugs,
Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


hurting13
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 10/5/2008 3:05 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks You everyone...

Yes i am doing a little better; but still grieveing very much. Just had a major cry...and with being a male thats not very "macho" of me according to society.

I am just really hoping my professors are somewhat understanding with everything. My school is very anti-letting people off for emergencies or death. My very first semester my brother died and many of my professors weren't understanding at all. Hopefully it will be different this time...this time is actually harder then before. I was closer with Letty then my brother!

I was also thinking of getting a tattoo with my student loan money. Not the best to spend it on, but my tuiton and stuff is paid for and i have left over money for emergencies.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 10/5/2008 5:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Tattoos are okay. Just make sure you pick something that you really like considering that you will be stuck with it for the rest of your life. I think it is okay for anyone to cry. It is a release and is healthy. I am glad that you are feeling better though.

Keep us posted on how you are doing, tell us about your tattoo.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


hurting13
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 10/5/2008 6:39 PM (GMT -7)   

Yup i always put thoughts into my tattoos...i actually have 7 so far. But haven't gotten any in a few years. I mostly want to do it as a memorial thing and a coping mechanism.

I will deffinately let you know how everything goes; the scrapbooking and my tattoo when i will hopefully get it. Not sure if i can put pictures on here or not sense i just joined a few days ago...if someone could let me know if i can or how that would be great!

I really am doing better...thank you to everyone out there that has left the messages. it has been helpful

 

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