Hey I am so overwhelmed!!

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Dismaril
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 10/4/2008 9:45 PM (GMT -7)   
[color=purple>I]</b> 4 months ago with my son in hand and 6 days after i left him he had filed for divorce before i could. So there I was handed papers from a sheriff and my son was takin from me in an intance. Ok the papers had stated that I was around "Devil Worshipers", and the I myself was an unstable person. However I have been taking care of my child since he has been born. So needless to say he was just trying to take control of the situation and says now that I am mentally Unstable and I guess he is going to have people up on stand say that as well. I cry all the time about this and I know I am not a bad person or mentally unstable. I mean hell sorry to put it to ya like this but this man doesn't have a job or a place of his own! I have both a job a car and going to college! But it seems all of this is so overwhelming I get lonely and I think all kinds of crazy thoughts. I guess they just stem from all the negativity trying to come out. But sometimes I feel like I can't talk to anyone. But then sometimes I feel like I can. Anywho. I want to do so well and have a great life but I feel like giving up sometimes and feeling like crashing and burning ya know? I have my son and I love him and I know that it would kill him if I was dead. And don't get me wrong I think this stuff but I would never do it ya know? I just feel so weak minded sometimes and just think maybe I shoiuld just go back to the man I left and let my life go from there. Maybe I wouldn't feel the way I feel now!!! What's wrong with me sometimes I feel so dirty and so incomplete! Can someone help me?

Reason for edit:

I have taken your email address out of your post as this is a public forum and we dont allow people to post email addresses for their own safety. You can attach your email address to your profile by clicking CONTROL PANEL in the blue bar at the top of the screen

Darren

Post Edited By Moderator (djdaz_1985) : 10/5/2008 5:53:48 AM (GMT-6)


Lightupthedarkness
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 10/5/2008 12:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Dismaril,
I was carousing around and stumble upon your post. I thought I would register and advise you on this matter since no one else had at the time I started this. Honey, first let me say I can relate a little bit. But I would like some more info on this situation. What is this man like? Do you know why he acted the way he acted? Did he have a job before all this happened? Is he trying to find work? What happened to his car? What would make him say "Devil Worshippers"? Was he abusive? Did he ever hurt the baby?

Well I'll go ahead and say a few things, and depending on your answers, some of the things I say may change! tongue
How close were you two? If you both had a relationship where you could tell each other anything, you may want to try and contact him. Tell him whats going on inside. There is no need for you to "Crash and Burn", we all have our struggles and laments and its what makes us into the women we were meant to be! "sometimes and just think maybe I shoiuld just go back to the man I left and let my life go from there" This line caught my attention. If you think of things like this, then you must still have some feelings for this man. And despite what he appears to have done by taking control of the situation, I bet he still thinks about you too. Maybe Divorce is the right answer, maybe its not. If it were me, and it was me at one time, I'd take a step back and think about what was going. I'd think about what was best for my son, like I did. I'd think about if I could still accomplish the things I was striving to do if I were in a relationship with this man again, like I did. I let go of my bad memories and thought about all the fantastic ones we had while we were growing with each other. When I was starting to go through my divorce I felt like I was suffering like you did. I did all the things I mentioned above and I called my hubby one day. At first he didn't want to talk much and was very short on the phone, but as soon as I said I wanted to talk he opened up. As it were, I was just in time too lol. He was going to go out with some friends and who knows whom he could have met out in town! I got back with my hubby and we've been enjoying out "Happily Ever After" for many, many years now. That was the choice I mad. He could be a real butt sometimes, a little jealous and get angry at silly things, but that's all men! lol But Dismaril, all situations are different. Sometimes women need to leave their hubby because of alcohol, drugs, or violence so they can protect themselves and their children. Other times we women feel like we need to escape, have some time to ourselves and enjoy a good old fashioned break. I felt trapped once I got married and it scared me to death! So I made the decision to leave after a silly argument that started up over napkins. Yes, napkins. After we were seperated I thought about stuff everyday, and finally made the call. As I said before, it was the best decision I ever made.
I won't be able to tell you what you should do if it were me. That is your decision to make. I can try to point you in the right direction as best I can. I hope I have helped in some way.

I'll be around if you want to talk more,
Emma Silverman

djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 10/5/2008 4:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there,

It sounds like your husband is being very nasty about this but for them to uphold that you are mentally unstable, they have to PROVE it. They may ask you to go for psychiatric evaluation which will show everyone the truth. (Thats how it works in the UK anyway... I assume the US is the same). I know its easier said than done, but please try not to worry about it too much. A couple of guys standing up and saying your unstable shouldnt be enough to take your son away from you.

Darren
Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
 
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stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/5/2008 8:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Dismaril
 
Good morning and welcome to HealingWell.  I am Kitt.  I am so sorry to read of your problems and issues.
 
Might I suggest you see a  psychiatrist and get an evalution on your own as that will look much better for you then being forced into one.  Also therapy is a good idea as you have been through a lot of traumatic events lately with your son being taken from you.
 
Seeing as your husband filed for divorce and you were going to I am not sure going back into the hornet's nest is the best way.   Right now I would work on yourself.  Learn to love you and take care of you first.  You cannot change another person, you can only change yourself.
 
May I ask where your son is?  Is he with his Father?
 
Again I am so sorry for what your going through.  Keep posting and read through our threads as there are other women out there that have posted about problems similiar to you.
 
Kitt
 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/5/2008 8:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Lightupthedarkness
 
Hello and welcome to HealingWell.  I hope you will post into our new members thread and post a bit so the members get to know you. You posted "I thought I would register and advise you on this matter since no one else had at the time "

I am glad you saw this post when you did and joined our forum. 
 
Now that you have joined us I hope you participate in  the forums.  We love new members so welcome to the family.
 
Kitt 



 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Post Edited (stkitt) : 10/5/2008 12:43:11 PM (GMT-6)


mom9mom
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 489
   Posted 10/5/2008 2:57 PM (GMT -7)   
First I would like to say you must think about why you left your husband in the first place.Is it some thing that both of you can work on.Is it something that cant be fixed or that he wont fix.Would going back be the right thing or would it just be easyer then working out the problum?Next you do need to find some one to talk to.Even though you say you would never follow threw with your thoughts it is possable to get so down that you could.  I can never be 100% better,So if you keep feeling this way please go see your DR. Remember just because you take a antidepessent thay cant take your son away from you.Almost everyone that go`s through stressful events like this get depressed if thay get help sooner thay might only be on meds. for a short time.When you ignore the problum then it becomes cronic. I hope you find some help on this site and that you feel better next time we hear from you. I will pray for you and your son and your husdand.

Edit:  I know you meant well in your post but I edited per rules.

1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm). Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 10/5/2008 4:31:11 PM (GMT-6)


Dismaril
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 10/5/2008 10:57 PM (GMT -7)   
I also wanted to state that I don't know when my court date is they don't rush on things but my attorney told me to keep what I am doing and log everything that he says and the fact that I am only to get my son every other weekend and I am to go get him and his father is to come pick him up after the visit and the fact that I have picked him up and taken him back serval times and the fact that I keep all the receipts of what I buy him and all of that then they can't get me on child support because I do indeed take care of him when i have him and when I don't as well. I miss him when he isn't here. However he is here now with me and I work and my mother takes care of him while i work then when I come home I see his face and he says momma is home. Anyways I have kept him through this whole thing more than I was allotted and you would think that if a man is willing to say that your mentally unstable that he wouldn't trust you with your kid but that isn't the case he knows that I am not and what I was going through be for was because i was going through post pardome depression and I was taking effexor and the fact that I was depressed in the marriage. Anyways just wanted to say that. I am going to get off of here for a min I really do appericate everything you guys say.
Someone that will understand anything!!


mom9mom
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 489
   Posted 10/5/2008 11:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Find out from your lawyer what would happen if you did not take your son back to his dad if he did not come and pick him up.It sounds like you have very good reasons for wanting out so its up to you to stay strong.To many woman go back just because it is easyer then learning to be a strong person for themself. Then thay are never happy. It sounds to me as if you are trying to grow up and he do`s not like it.Check with your district heath department .I dont know about your state but in Idaho thay can help you get no cost or low cost therapy.Good luck. rolleyes
Lost half of my small intestine, Nerve damage to right leg,part of my right hip bone removed,hernia,infection in my back called discites,and depression


Dismaril
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 10/5/2008 11:45 PM (GMT -7)   
I told my lawyer that I couldn't take him back on the time that he wanted me too. And he said as long as it says on them papers that you are to just pick him up then it is his responsiblity to pick him up after the visit. You hit the nail on the head and I will look into the health deparment thing with my next day off. I have a little break in school so I can relax a little. Thank you I needed to hear that. You are right so many times I find myself wanting to go back because it is easier than keeping up with what I am doing. But like I said it was like a security blanket. And I feel alone and overwhelmed but thank you for your advice.
Now he is trying to be nice to me you see he had to come pick him up today but because he has a interview and wasn't feeling well and the fact that he has to borrow his mother's car he asked me if I could keep my son until Tuesday. And I of course said yes and that you need not worry I have everything here for him pull ups and clothes and a comfy bed for him to sleep. He is my angel and I think all kinds of crazy things but I think one thing is its just a lot of stuff coming out that has been surpressed. Like I said I am not insane just depressed and overwhelmed but I also feel like I am not allowed to feel this way either so I assocated that with me feeling overwhelmed! I guess I make sense hehe! Thank you again I will shut up now.
Someone that will understand anything!!


mom9mom
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 489
   Posted 10/6/2008 11:58 AM (GMT -7)   
You already said that you keep a record of the convercasions that you have with your husband but you sould also keep a record of how long your boy is with you.If his dad dosnt come to get him when he is suppost to write that down and the reason that he gives you for leaving him.Never say no if he wants you to take him.The more you have him with you the more likely the judge will give him back.Stop beating your self up because you are depressed if more people would get help sooner thay would be better off.I wish I had got help 6 years ago when it first started.If I had I would not have so much medical problems.I have to say that I look up to you for going back to school.My sister is a nurse but she got hurt at work so now she cannot lift more then 5 lbs. so now she has gone back to school to be a teacher. She wants me to go to collage but I feel to old and I am not smart eather.She is older then me but all of her kids are grown and out of the house I still have 4 at home (15-11-9-and almost 6).Also my oldest son has moved in with his 4 girls because him and his wife are getting a divorce.last time he went out of town (he is abrick layer and has to go out of town 3 to 9 days at a time)someone started his trailor on fire so thay did not have anywhere to live . I take care of the girls when he is working on a job out of town.well thats enuff about me. Be proud of your self for working going to school and taking care of your son and for asking for help befor it got really bad.My Prayers are with you. cool cool cool cool cool
Lost half of my small intestine, Nerve damage to right leg,part of my right hip bone removed,hernia,infection in my back called discites,and depression


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40581
   Posted 10/6/2008 12:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Dismaril,

You are doing wonderful on your own. I know it isn't easy but this gives you strength and character. You are growing. So keep up the good work.

Listen to Mom9mom,

Keep records of everything even if it doesn't sound really important at the time, it could come into play later during trials. I hope that you get your son. I know that he completes you.

You sound like a wonderful person, you just are learning and it gets confusing to you. but keep trying and take life one day at a time. You will do well if you keep your son's best interest at heart. You can do it.

Keep posting, we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Lightupthedarkness
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 10/6/2008 9:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Holy Cow, it's so funny how everyone except me just rips the man apart in the situation. A shame we won't ever both sides of the story. I hope everything pans out well for you Dismaril. Its a shame you two can't work past your differences for your son's sake. I really think Pride is a big issue here. Neither side wanting to admit their wrong and get past it. One of the greatest gifts in the world, I've learned, is the ability to have second chances. Sorry if I step on any ones toes, but I think more people should look at all aspects of something before they flat out say: "Good for you! Throw the past X amount of years away and start over!"

Dismaril
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 10/6/2008 10:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Look I am not trying to step on peoples toes and rip someone apart just trying to say that after so many years of not trying its enough and I want to be myself and make mine and my sons life the best that it can.
Someone that will understand anything!!


Dismaril
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 10/6/2008 10:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Look I understand where you are coming from. And yes you may never hear both sides and I am not looking for your approval. But I thank you for what you have said and I am willing to let you have your say and feel the way you do. We both made our mistakes and yes its going to be a challange but I am not trying to make the worst out of this situation. I want some time to grow and learn about me and learn about what it is that is good and good for my son as well. He is my world and just because I am not married to his father doesn't mean I am giving up or not giving him a second chance! I have given him chances so its not like I called it quits over one conversation or one thing. So please before you assume that I haven't did my best think about what you know about me which is nothing and just go with how you feel and I will take it to be good advice but also I am not going to feel bad about my decision.

Thank you,
Dismaril
Someone that will understand anything!!


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/7/2008 7:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Good Morning,
 
In your first post you wrote, "So there I was handed papers from a sheriff and my son was takin from me in an intance."
 
Then you posted "only to get my son every other weekend"
 
Your last posted that you have your son until Tuesday.  I would ask my lawyer if your husband is not following the court order which he filed to take your son is he not contrdicting that you are a fit Mother?
 
I would also challenge his mental status if he moved to Illinois to be close to some people he met online.  That is not acting very responsible but that is just my 2 cents worth today.
 
Take care
Kitt
 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/7/2008 8:00 AM (GMT -7)   

Dismaril,

I am really confused now confused .  In your very first post you posted "after i left him he had filed for divorce before i could."

Today you posted "I am not married to his father"

You have me befuddled or I missed something??

Why would he file for divorce if your not married?

I wish you well with your problems and hope that you and your son's father put your son first. 

I am glad you are going to school, that is a positive step.

Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Dismaril
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 10/7/2008 10:34 AM (GMT -7)   
I am going through a divorce. We are seprated! If that answers your question. And beleive you me I keep a record of everything so thanks for your advice.
Someone that will understand anything!!


Dismaril
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 10/7/2008 9:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Sorry to have confused everyone. But yes I am going through a divorce and yes he filed false allgations on me to have my son took from me. But now I think from what you guys have said and what I am already trying to do that it will be ok. Thanks again.
Someone that will understand anything!!


mom9mom
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 489
   Posted 10/8/2008 4:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Dismaril good to know that you are feeling more positive.Stay strong and hope that every thing turns out good. Lightenupthedark I am not discing men I have been married to the same man for 29 years.We have had to work very hard to stay together.It only worked because no matter how bad it got some times we still always love each other and could not see are selfs with someone else.I also know that there is always two sides of the story but in most cases I think that a child belongs with its mother first.Please note that I said most cases.I also beleave that the mom and dad should never say bad things about the other to the children even if it is true and thay should never tell lies to get what thay want (custody ext.)What is best for that child should always be the number one prioraty.
Lost half of my small intestine, Nerve damage to right leg,part of my right hip bone removed,hernia,infection in my back called discites,and depression


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/9/2008 8:11 AM (GMT -7)   

Dismaril,

It sounds like you know what you want and have your goals in mind.  My concern would still be for your son.  Please don't bounce him back and forth because he will start to feel unwanted.

He should be your number one goal over all else.  I divorced when I had 3 children under the age of 6 years old. I put the children first and to this day I would put them first if they needed me.

I am not judging you just sharing with you that you can take care of one child and reach your other goals too

Take care and bless you.  I hope your life becomes easier soon.

Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

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