Thanks alot billy! That made me feel a little better. And let me know what that CBT is all about. I am willing to try anything to get me out of this depression and low self-esteem.
I'm glad my note made you feel at least a little better CBT is fairly straight forward and is based on identifying the thinking errors you are making that are causing your problems and then giving you the tools to counter those thoughts and replace them with more accurate and less upsetting thoughts. My favorite tool is the TEA form which you use to help catch your negative thoughts and refute them. Many of these thoughts are automatic and we are not even aware we are having them! I also like the counter exercise which teaches us to focus on what we are accomplishing rather than what we have not done.The beauty of CBT in my opinion is that how much success you experience with it is up to YOU! The more effort you put into using the tools the more relief you will achieve. It's pretty hard at first but gets easier and easier to do as you begin to get more comfortable using the tools. I still spend about ten minutes using the TEA form several times a week and whenever I am under a lot of stress. If you are self motivated you can cure yourself by using the tools without the help of a therapist, but they can be helpful to get you going on the tools. I spent tens of thousands of dollars on therapists and meds before I discovered CBT. I was told I would have to be on meds the rest of my life too. But I feel better everyday and have not looked back. I often have to pinch myself when situations that used to throw me completely out of whack do not even phase me now.
Let me know if you have any more questions
Thanks alot Billy!So how do I get int othis CBT? Let me know because now you have me really interested.
hi depressedandlonly (and billy),
i know how you feel - i spent most of my life looking for someone else to love me becos my parents didnt give me the emotional support and love i needed. i chased love all mylife. i abused myself and got myself into all kinds of stupid situations and relationships that were really unhealthy for me. after splitting with my ex last year, (and it was a really messy affair!!!), i KNEW it was time to look at my issues and face what was going on inside me. i learnt so much in therapy - i had no idea i was carrying so much pain and old behaviour patterns from things that had happened to me in my early years. because i had been drinking and running away most of my life, these "issues" were never dealt with. well ive been i n therapy for over 6 months now and i am amazed at the transformation in myself. i am like a different person. i know that i dont need anyone else and that i can finally rely on myself to be emotionally self reliant. i am not looking for anyone else to love me, look after me or make it better for me. because of this, i am no longer attracting people who will treat me bad - when we are desperate for love, unfortunately, that is what we attract - people who use us and walk over us. (they take their bad feelings out on us, simply because we allow them to, hoping that they will think good of us!).
so the first step is learning how to look after and love yourself. i have swung so far the other way now that i have actually ditched all of my old friends!!!! i knew in my heart i only had 2 real ones and they are the ones that i have kept!! i had a birthday recently and invited people who i thought were my friends- NONE of them came!! i cried, but deep down, i KNEW it was part of the process i am going thru - i am getting rid of old bad rubbish!! it is lonely now, but i am breaking through some very old stuff - i am prepared to sit it out to the end because i know in the long run, iwill be much better off for going through this process; i will have real friends around me, people who genuinely care, and my life will be much more satisfying and happy. i won't allow it to be any other way. once we know what the best is for ourselves, we no longer allow ourselves to have any less! it is a long journey to find yourself and your own happiness, but if you keep going, i am sure the work you put in will reap its own rewards - you are very brave for taking this path!
good luck on your journey
hi billy, thanks - it's good to see you and it's good to be back - ive been having some pretty low times, but things have been gradually getting better - one day up, one down. trying to learn to not swing into the highs OR lows - seems to be the best answer. i keep seeing how positive you are about cbt - still havent looked into it - my friend said she knew some tricks and would passs them on to me - i must remember to ask her !!
hope you are well
hi depressed, hope you are feeling ok - the first step in our recovery or any kind of (inner) change is to see what the problem is, and you seem to be very aware of where you're at - it may be a long, hard journey unravelling stuff, but try and keep looking ahead to see the long term benefits and rewards that this journey will bring you. look after yourself and please try and put yourself first - it's very difficult to unlearn lifelong bad habits, like having a low opinion of ourselves and we attract all sorts of bad behaviour to us as a result. but if you stay aware and be true to yourself, think only the best and know you deserve the best, gradually it will all come to you. no-one can ever love you as much as you can !! you just need to allow yourself to!
lots of luck and light and love on your journey.
Hey thanks for responding! No I am not on any medication. I am scared of the medication because I believe it will make me become dependent on it like marijuana or alcohol and then I might feel like I cannot live without it. As far as the ex boyfriend goes, even though I am not with him anymore, I will never forget how he verbally abused me and mentally abused me. Its hard for me to go on with life because he lowered my self-esteem so much that I dont even feel like I am good enough for any man. Plus to make matters worse, I have alot of bad luck.
Thanks Solo I hope you are able to give CBT a try and you may want to call your local uni to see if they have any groups going as they are usually free or of little cost. The key to CBT is being willing to commit to it and do the exercises everyday and sometimes being a part of a group can help motivate you. I hope you are able to learn the tricks your friend said she would share with you too.
Keep in touch!
I just wanted to say hi and see how you are doing. Life's hectic for me these days and I have not had much spare time to post I hope you are doing well!
Thank you for that book suggesstion.. I am going to go pick it up tonight..
My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me about 3 months ago and immediately started seeing someone else, it didn't last with them but we still aren't back together. He is my best friend and until recently, I thought he was my everything. I realized that we will never be able to be together again until I learn how to have respect for myself and am able to be happy alone. I have never really been alone, I've always had a boyfriend. I think that this fear of being alone has to do with being an only child. While growing up I never wanted to be alone or play alone, and now that has carried over into my adult life.
I am working so hard on learning how to be my own person again and be happy just being me. However I don't seem to have much luck with that ( I started seeing a therapist last week, but I'm not sure how much he will be able to do for me). I'm hoping that this Obitz book will have some good tips on how to be happy on my own.