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JD68
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Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 10/8/2008 6:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey all-
 
I have been monitoring posts here for the past month and a half waiting to see if the storm had finally passed.  Well hurricane DH is back.  He saw his FP in late august/early sept and she started him on zyprexa.......he found out after starting it and I noticing the beginnings of change that our insurance did not cover much of it......upon further research I discovered that the insurance has a mailorder in which you pay 2 months co-pay for 3 months supply.  So he continued taking....in fact called to get it up'd once.  Things began ot get sane.....the stupid fights stopped, he was very relaxed, he started to smile, talk and get excited about things.  We actually started to have a relationship again, although when asked he did not notice a difference.  And then............he decided he didn't want to be on all the drugs.....he called his FP who said he could try weaning himself off of his effexor (he is on zoloft as well) he should cut it in half for one week taking only one dose per day and if he feels things are good after the week cut it out completely in week 2.  All of this done without asking me.......so week two.....pure hell I knew something was not right.  So I asked monday if he had stopped taking his effexor as I knew he was talking about it.  He said yes he had been off for one week.  So tonight I ask him if he realizes how bad things have gotten again.......long story short I got my head bit off once again.......this has been going on since last week.  I cannot say or do anything without feeling like I have ticked him off.  He doesn't talk, sleeps more, not exercising, not eating well etc etc.  I once again do not want to come home.
 
He tells me tonight in his ever so snotty tone that fine he will start taking the effexor again .......I told him that if he doesn't notice a difference than he shouldn't as it has to be something he does for him.  I also told him he said he would read the book I got again I got yelled at....told that he has plenty of books he WANTS to read that he hasn't.......I pointed out that I took the time to learn about what he's going through, I felt it would behoove him to read what I am going through.  Pretty much I said if he looked back to the last month and a half he would see that our stupid arguements had stopped and life became calm.  and if he looked at the last week he would see that all the hell has returned.  And if he couldn't see that then there was not anymore I could do....I have done all I can.
 
He pretty much told me I just need to shut up and leave him alone.  So that's what I will do....so much for hope sad
 
Now I sit and wait a bit to see what he does....if he does nothing I will not stay.  So much for our trip to New Orleans for my 40th in November.......I am guessing that is going to get cancelled.
 
Thanks for the ear......I was hoping to be a quiet reader and advice giver from Sept forward...I guess I was oh so wrong.
 
-Jenn

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 10/8/2008 6:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jenn,

Just give the effexor time to work, it could take a few weeks to get him back to where he was before. Be patient....

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 10/8/2008 6:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Karen-

The problem is he has not re-started it and has no intention of doing so.............He just quit, not wanting to be on Zoloft, Effexor and Zyprexa.......SIGH.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 10/9/2008 3:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh my,

I was assuming that he was going to go back on it, that was just the impression that I was under. I know that I thought that I didn't need it one time and went off of it, that was the biggest mistake. Ther reason that I was feeling good was because of it, I thought that I was better. I ended up back on it again and haven't gone off ever since. I wish that he would try it again. Can't he see the difference? I feel so bad for you in this situation. I hope that all works out for you. Either way, we are here for you and continue to support you. Keep posting.

Luv and hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 10/9/2008 7:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Good morning Karen-

He emailed this morning to let me know he took one last night and would continue to take one at night for a week and then start taking one in the AM again as well. That was what his dosage was to begin with. So time will tell. Although I am not sure he did it for him, as he states he notices no difference. Which is not what I want....I want him to notice the difference and do it becausit is making a difference in his life.

I guess I can't understand whether or not he would notice a difference or not as i am not in his situation. However I do know that I would pay attention to those around me and do what was best for the entire situation. Then again.......maybe I wouldn't, the mind of a depressive is hard to grasp.

Thanks for the kind words.....Jenn

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/9/2008 7:40 AM (GMT -7)   

JD68

Good Morning and hugs to you.  I know it is extremely difficult to  live with a spouse that has depression.

I am the depressed spouse in our family and I remember my husband getting frustrated and even saying one time he did not know how much more of the situation he could stand.  That was at the lowest spot in my depression. He was really just worried about me and felt helpless.

I did get to a therapist and went through many med changes for nearly a year before I finally ended up on one that works but it does not make me feel happy, just able to live in the real world again.  I never had a sudden uplifting from the meds.

I have tried talking with my PCP and  Pdoc about trying it without the meds and my pdoc said I would crash and burn.  I have Depression and the hardest part was excepting that.

There is a lot of stigma with the mental health disorders.  I understand you do not want to be yelled at but remember he is sick and it sound like he does want to get well but he is having a hard time accepting that he has depression.

Try not to get pulled into any heated discussions with him.  If he yells at you  please tell him " when you yell at me I feel upset"  Don't accuse him of making you upset.  Just explain to him how you feel.

I think it is a positive sign that he is going back on his meds.

I do understand where you are coming from and I know you have to do what you choose.

I support you and please know I care.

Hugs
Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 10/9/2008 8:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kitt-

Thanks for the insight into the mind of a depressed person.....It is just so difficult not knowing what to say or what to do......I just want to make it all better and have him see life as do, something worth enjoying and living. but that is something that is out of my hands. He has been depressed so long since he was about 19 and he is 40 now......that I wonder if he is afraid to feel better because this is all he has known for so long. Rambling I know......but thanks again for the insight. I am trying to be patient.

Hugs back to you as well.....Jenn

JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 10/9/2008 8:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh and I forgot.....how are your Hubby and Sister? I hope you are staying strong as well.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/9/2008 9:52 AM (GMT -7)   

Jenn,

My hubby is doing very well, back at work a few hours per day.  I think he is going to be just fine and I know they got all of the cancer so I am very happy we chose the surgery.

My sister is back at Hope Lodge and she actually has felt well enough to get out a bit.  Her daughter went to North Dakota to get her car so now they can take a drive.  It is so good to see her feeling well.  Being out of the hospital is making her so happy.  They even came to our house on Sunday to surprise me and boy was I surprised.  She was grinning like a kid in a candy store.

Tommorow she is having her third chemo treatment.  I know they have her scheduled for a total of four at this point in time.

Again thank you so much for asking and I truly appreciate your caring.

Hugs
Kitt


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 10/9/2008 10:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Jenn, I agree. Sometimes you are depressed for so long, that you don't know what it feels like to feel good. I agree with Kitt that it is a good sign that he is trying the medication again. He will maybe notice a change this time, maybe moreso in the situation around him, I am sure the atmosphere will be more relaxed.

Kitt I am thinking about you. I am happy your sister is at least half way through the chemo. I know that you all will be happy when it is over. I hope that you get a chance to see her soon as I know that you are very concerned and love her so much.

Best wishes for a lovely day you two.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 10/9/2008 10:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitt.....That is such great news!! It is such a blessing to be close to your family members. I hope you are right Karen in that maybe this time he will notice a change but I won't hold my breath.

Talk to the both of you soon.....I don't know about where you are but we have a beautiful 70 degree fall day.......So enjoy your days where you are.....

Hugs to both.......Jenn

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 10/9/2008 10:49 AM (GMT -7)   
It is nice here too in Northern lower Michigan. I am planning to go for a walk, but am cooking chicken noodle soup at this time. Should be done soon.

Have a great day!

Hugs Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/10/2008 11:21 AM (GMT -7)   

I am in  Minnesota land of 10,000 treatment centers......... lol

I am in the Twin Cities area and we are still getting days in the 70's.

Have a happy day to both of you.

Kitt


JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 10/16/2008 11:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Can anyone tell me how someone who is supposed to be your best friend becomes your worst enemy?  Things have not improved, deadly silence in the house at all times, he sleeps all the time and just doesn't have any interest in anything.
 
Sigh........Is this what marriage is supposed to be like?  Hypothetical question of course.....how sad.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 10/16/2008 1:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jenn,

Keep trying to be patient, he will come out of it in time. When the medication starts kicking in, he will gradually come out of the need to sleep all of the time.

We are all praying for you. Hopefully soon things will change.

Hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/16/2008 1:58 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey Jenn,

No this is not what his life is even about?  Is he taking all the meds the physician prescribed.

Can you somehow talk to her to let her know he is non-compliant?

You need to take care of yourself. Admit your own powerlessness against the disorder. Many people believe they can cure someone they love just by the sheer force of their love, as if that feeling alone should be enough to effect permanent change. It isn't.


The first stage to avoiding guilt over someone else's depression is to acknowledge that you are not responsible for it. It's not your fault, and you alone can't cure it. You can offer support, you can show your love, but you are probably too close to be able to solve the problem. Step back, admit that you alone are powerless against the disorder. Seek support for yourself from friends and perhaps a psychotherapist. The first stage toward helping the other person is to get help for yourself.

Do not try to rescue. A person suffering from a mood disorder will probably be a slave to his depressive program. The disorder will infantilize him, and he may well put pressure on you to fix whatever he perceives to be the problem.

Don't make excuses for him. Never become part of the depressed person's denial. Don't lie for him. Making excuses or covering up for him only prevents him from getting timely help. Reference:Dr Bob Murray

Continue to encourage him to get help. And please seek help for you.  Get out and around.  See your friends and family.  You have my prayers.

Hugs
Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 10/16/2008 2:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Karen and Kitt for the kind words. I know this is not something I can fix and is not my fault, but admittedly it is difficult to remember when you so much want your family to be happy and DH is always pointing out all the things that are the root of the problem, which of course is never the depression. Is he taking his meds?......I have not clue he doesn't share that with me......for that matter he isn't sharing much at all. I do have a great support network in family and friends and a wonderfull therapist......however no one can completely understand unless they too have walked in my shoes.......hence the support I get from here being invaluable.

Thanks again and I will take a deep breath and try to relax this evening and not take his attitude personally.

Hugs to you both.....Jenn

JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 10/21/2008 9:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey all-

DH is not going to take the zyprexa anymore....and quite honestly I am fine with that. Things looked as if they were getting better but now seem much much worse. The side effects are enormous, he sleeps all the time, falls asleep at the drop of a hat, the weight gain (20 lbs in one month) and sexual side effects are putting a huge strain on our already strained relationship. I believe he will do nothing more, I am guessing he will remain on the old meds that were not really doing anything either and I will have to make a decision about our life together. Not sure how much longer I can take the tone, lack of a partner, accusations of starting fights etc. I am starting to withdraw from the relationship and feel more everyday like I just don't care. I feel more and more as if I have nothing more to give to this relationship.

How sad.

beartooth
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 517
   Posted 10/21/2008 9:44 AM (GMT -7)   

Jenn -

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband's struggles.  It's probably that male ego kicking in and saying that he shouldn't need any pill to make him better.  That was how I was when I first started anti-depressants.  I hate to say it, but it took me several years, and many stumbles and falls before I decided that life really is better if I just take the pills.  It is good that you realize that it isn't your fault, nor is there much you can do about it.  It is so sad to have a relationship go bad like that.  I'd suggest video taping him without his knowledge, and then showing him how he is acting, but that probably wouldn't be a good idea.  Stay strong in the face of the storm.


JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 10/21/2008 10:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you Beartooth I am trying to stay strong and positive......both are proving difficult.

beartooth
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 517
   Posted 10/25/2008 7:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Jenn -

I'm just curious about how things are going for you. Give us an update when you get a chance.
Brandon
 
36 y.o. male
Diagnosed w/ moderate UC in May '06
Meds & supplements:  Asacol, Florastor, VSL#3, Wellbutrin XL, Prozac, multi-vitamin, Allegra, Lialda, Colocort enema every other night, Prednisone (down to 5mg), flaxseed oil, L-glutamine.


JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 10/25/2008 9:59 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey Brandon-

Thanks so much for asking.  Things are status quo.....yesterday was very very bad.....DH had a day long panic attack in which there was no convincing him he was not dying. He came home from work and slept or complained all day, I am wore down.  We had plans to attend a party with friends last night and about 4pm he was in bed complaining of all sorts of ailments, chills, sore throat etc etc.  So I called some girl friends and went out for some drinks which of course is tabboo.......always need to be in his sight.  about 8pm the cell phone started ringing...sigh.  Home I went to a well person (obivously did not want to go to the party , his friends I might add) who acted as if nothing had been wrong all day.  So here we are another day, another prison:)

And so it goes.  How are things with you?  Hopefully better than I.

Take care....Jenn


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/25/2008 10:53 AM (GMT -7)   

Your husband has sought treatment this year and tried several different combinations of medications for depression. He felt nothing was working, quit the medications and you feel he is very unlikely to try either again for quite a long time.

You are really the one stable thing for him to lean on, the one healthy thing in his life. But after all this time you are drained and miserable. I know you would love nothing more then to be able to help him to lead a happy life, but so far have had no success and what once seem a limitless future now looks gray and bleak.

I think your question is would it ever be fair to leave him, or do you have a moral duty to continue to devote yourself to supporting him regardless of what effect that has on your own life (and possibly your children’s)?

I do know someone that ended a 20 year  marriage to a clinically depressed man because it turned into a clinically depressed home. You completely believed that you could help the man you love to be happy. No one can do that for someone else.

In no way am I encouraging you to leave your husband, just sharing how I think you may feel right now. My heart goes out to both of you.  My prayers are being offered for you. I understand your pain.

Peace,
Kitt


 


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


JD68
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 10/26/2008 12:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Well I think he may have hit rock bottom.  He asked me this morning if our local hospital(which I work for) has a psych unit.  It does.  He said he cannot get himself out of the state of panic he is in and thinks he needs to see someone(silent cheer:))!  I told him that there is someone on call and if he needs something we can certianly call today and talk to someone and maybe get something to calm him down until we can see someone tomorrow.  No to mention that calling today may make it easier to see someone emergently tomorrow.  however I guess I won't hold my breath, this all could change in an instant.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40603
   Posted 10/26/2008 3:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Jenn,

I hope that your husband does follow through and gets the help that he needs. I know that you have been trying so hard, maybe this is the right time for him now.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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