Good Morning and hugs to you. I know it is extremely difficult to live with a spouse that has depression.
I am the depressed spouse in our family and I remember my husband getting frustrated and even saying one time he did not know how much more of the situation he could stand. That was at the lowest spot in my depression. He was really just worried about me and felt helpless.
I did get to a therapist and went through many med changes for nearly a year before I finally ended up on one that works but it does not make me feel happy, just able to live in the real world again. I never had a sudden uplifting from the meds.
I have tried talking with my PCP and Pdoc about trying it without the meds and my pdoc said I would crash and burn. I have Depression and the hardest part was excepting that.
There is a lot of stigma with the mental health disorders. I understand you do not want to be yelled at but remember he is sick and it sound like he does want to get well but he is having a hard time accepting that he has depression.
Try not to get pulled into any heated discussions with him. If he yells at you please tell him " when you yell at me I feel upset" Don't accuse him of making you upset. Just explain to him how you feel.
I think it is a positive sign that he is going back on his meds.
I do understand where you are coming from and I know you have to do what you choose.
I support you and please know I care.
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression& GERD Forums*~*
My hubby is doing very well, back at work a few hours per day. I think he is going to be just fine and I know they got all of the cancer so I am very happy we chose the surgery.
My sister is back at Hope Lodge and she actually has felt well enough to get out a bit. Her daughter went to North Dakota to get her car so now they can take a drive. It is so good to see her feeling well. Being out of the hospital is making her so happy. They even came to our house on Sunday to surprise me and boy was I surprised. She was grinning like a kid in a candy store.
Tommorow she is having her third chemo treatment. I know they have her scheduled for a total of four at this point in time.
Again thank you so much for asking and I truly appreciate your caring.
I am in Minnesota land of 10,000 treatment centers......... lol
I am in the Twin Cities area and we are still getting days in the 70's.
Have a happy day to both of you.
No this is not what his life is even about? Is he taking all the meds the physician prescribed.
Can you somehow talk to her to let her know he is non-compliant?
You need to take care of yourself. Admit your own powerlessness against the disorder. Many people believe they can cure someone they love just by the sheer force of their love, as if that feeling alone should be enough to effect permanent change. It isn't.
The first stage to avoiding guilt over someone else's depression is to acknowledge that you are not responsible for it. It's not your fault, and you alone can't cure it. You can offer support, you can show your love, but you are probably too close to be able to solve the problem. Step back, admit that you alone are powerless against the disorder. Seek support for yourself from friends and perhaps a psychotherapist. The first stage toward helping the other person is to get help for yourself.
Do not try to rescue. A person suffering from a mood disorder will probably be a slave to his depressive program. The disorder will infantilize him, and he may well put pressure on you to fix whatever he perceives to be the problem.
Don't make excuses for him. Never become part of the depressed person's denial. Don't lie for him. Making excuses or covering up for him only prevents him from getting timely help. Reference:Dr Bob Murray
Continue to encourage him to get help. And please seek help for you. Get out and around. See your friends and family. You have my prayers.
Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression& GERD Forums*~*
I'm so sorry to hear about your husband's struggles. It's probably that male ego kicking in and saying that he shouldn't need any pill to make him better. That was how I was when I first started anti-depressants. I hate to say it, but it took me several years, and many stumbles and falls before I decided that life really is better if I just take the pills. It is good that you realize that it isn't your fault, nor is there much you can do about it. It is so sad to have a relationship go bad like that. I'd suggest video taping him without his knowledge, and then showing him how he is acting, but that probably wouldn't be a good idea. Stay strong in the face of the storm.
Thanks so much for asking. Things are status quo.....yesterday was very very bad.....DH had a day long panic attack in which there was no convincing him he was not dying. He came home from work and slept or complained all day, I am wore down. We had plans to attend a party with friends last night and about 4pm he was in bed complaining of all sorts of ailments, chills, sore throat etc etc. So I called some girl friends and went out for some drinks which of course is tabboo.......always need to be in his sight. about 8pm the cell phone started ringing...sigh. Home I went to a well person (obivously did not want to go to the party , his friends I might add) who acted as if nothing had been wrong all day. So here we are another day, another prison:)
And so it goes. How are things with you? Hopefully better than I.
Your husband has sought treatment this year and tried several different combinations of medications for depression. He felt nothing was working, quit the medications and you feel he is very unlikely to try either again for quite a long time.
You are really the one stable thing for him to lean on, the one healthy thing in his life. But after all this time you are drained and miserable. I know you would love nothing more then to be able to help him to lead a happy life, but so far have had no success and what once seem a limitless future now looks gray and bleak.
I think your question is would it ever be fair to leave him, or do you have a moral duty to continue to devote yourself to supporting him regardless of what effect that has on your own life (and possibly your children’s)?
I do know someone that ended a 20 year marriage to a clinically depressed man because it turned into a clinically depressed home. You completely believed that you could help the man you love to be happy. No one can do that for someone else.
In no way am I encouraging you to leave your husband, just sharing how I think you may feel right now. My heart goes out to both of you. My prayers are being offered for you. I understand your pain.