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Jeannie143
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Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 6056
   Posted 10/9/2008 10:12 AM (GMT -7)   
I suffer from chronic melancholia and take medication for it, but sometimes it seems that even if the sun is shining, everything is still gray. Ever feel that way?

A few days ago I had the fluttering feeling inside, like I used to get as a child when good things might happen, that sparkling anticipation of possible joy. I couldn't pin it to any actual event or good news and when I tried to hang on to it... it disappeared. I remember the joyful feeling, I just can't seem to get back to it.

Getting things done is so very difficult. I'm wondering if anyone else feels this way or am I alone?

Jeannie

Moderator for Diabetes and Fibromyalgia

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 10/9/2008 10:47 AM (GMT -7)   
You are definately not alone Jeannie, things have been grey for me too. I think that it has a lot to do with the season. Though fall is my favorite, there have been a lot of people that have been depressed lately and in pain. So maybe it is to do with the change of barometric pressure and shorter days. Because I have nothing that I should be down about. But on the dreary days I can hardly take it. Luckily the sun is out today.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 10/9/2008 1:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Eej Jeannie,

I love that innocent joy I use to have all the time as a child, that extreme form of peace and curiosity that seemed to arise from within me. Last month, I started experiencing that feeling again in like 10 or more years, but as soon as I tried to hang on to it, it disappeared. Just as you said.
I learned that in my case I get the most out of that happy feeling by not hanging on to it, but cherishing it for as long as it is there. I let the feeling roam free, as it will disappear when the time is there. I feel that all I can do is to be grateful that I am granted to experience that joy one more time, and make the best of it, rather than hanging on to it and worrying it will disappear. Worrying makes it disappear in my case, since worrying will take out that innocent part that makes it so child-like.

Maybe that one day you will find a door towards that feeling Jeannie, I hope so.
Erik :-)
Acceptance is the key

Existential depression and Insecurity

Try to keep smiling! :)


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 10/9/2008 2:30 PM (GMT -7)   
I really like the way that you explained that Erik. I couldn't find the words. I watch the children next door play and can see their imaginations at work. I remember when I was little and could play all day with just one thing and everything in my imagination seemed so real. You really got that down right. But like you say when you try to hold on to it, it goes away. So we just let it be.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/9/2008 3:01 PM (GMT -7)   

Yes, Jeanie, I get that feeling too and it is usually when I start to do the "stinkin thinkin".I have to be very careful of looking at old pictures or remembering bad times.  I know what triggers these feelings and I have to fight against them but I get so tired.

I want to go to bed and wake up happy and excited about a new day. I had that once so I know how it feels.

Hugs

Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Jeannie143
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 6056
   Posted 10/9/2008 9:59 PM (GMT -7)   
I know that some of the down in the dumps feeling comes from depression and low serotonin levels... But I'd hate to think that it's all just a chemical goulash that determines mood. I guess I'm just tired from a long summer of wedding cakes, dumb brides who are clueless about what life is all about, worried about my kids and their mortgages, stuff that I have no control over. I feel mired down by my belongings, like a basement full of stuff that we no longer use, and don't have the energy or the strength to get rid of it all. Don't have the money to pay someone to do it for me so I just make small trips down there and grab some stuff, hide it under the pizza boxes in the trash so hubby doesn't 'save' it and make a tiny dent in the mountain. When I think about it, I get this way every fall... should have seen it coming and done something to avoid it...

Don't want to be a downer here... just feeling kind of lost and want to "wake up happy and excited about a new day" like Kitt says. Everything seems to be such a chore... even if it's for something fun. Gonna' go get some sleep and quit my belly achin'. Got a roof over my head and a job. Don't know what I have to complain about. Thanks for listening.
~ Jeannie, Forum Moderator/Diabetes & Fibromyalgia
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. ~Mother Teresa

"People are like stained glass windows: They sparkle and shine when the sun's out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light within."- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/10/2008 7:31 AM (GMT -7)   

Jeannie,

Good Morning and I hope your day is a good one.  My hubby is the pack rat and I have to sneak things into the garbage.

At least twice a years I donate 3 huge bags of clothes and stuff,  I have to much stuff in a small house.  I donate to the Eplipsy Foundtion and they do curbside pick up. 

I have a roof over my head but my pension account is melting away and I do not have a job.

I do have a tent. smilewinkgrin   One day at a time. 

Hugs to you my friend

Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 10/10/2008 9:17 AM (GMT -7)   
I am the packrat in the family. I know that my husband threatens to throw it all away if I go anywhere, can't say that I blame him. But I always think that one day I will need this item. Never comes.

Jeannie, I hope that you are feeling better. I am glad that you came here to vent. I can feel like I am helping you a little for once, you help so much on the fibro forum.

I love your cake decorating. It is truly an art. You are so talented. You do so much for others. I know that you did a lot for your daughter, I hope that she is doing better now. The last I read she walked up to your house. I think that is so wonderful.

Please keep posting, because we all are here for you. You are such a wonderful person. And we all get down in the dumps from time to time. Hopefully coming here will help you some.

Best wishes for a wonderful day,
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Jeannie143
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 6056
   Posted 10/10/2008 9:22 PM (GMT -7)   
My daughter is now pushing the stroller about 4 blocks each day, and at PT they have her walking with a 4-point cane. She is really coming along! Actually, the bubby is walking with a push toy and at just about the same level as her mommy. All of my grandkids are wonderful.

It's strange, but now that I've finally opened up to you people and my hubby, I feel better. Don't have to wear a fake smile. Just keep trying. Thanks, buddies.
~ Jeannie, Forum Moderator/Diabetes & Fibromyalgia
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. ~Mother Teresa

"People are like stained glass windows: They sparkle and shine when the sun's out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light within."- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 10/11/2008 5:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Jeannie,

I am so happy that you felt comfortable enough to post here, this can be a very therapeudic forum. I am glad that you are opening up and feeling somewhat better. Things don't happen over night as you well know. We have to work hard sometimes, but I feel as long as we are trying, things work out for the best.

I am so happy to hear the news about your daughter, I know that she had an awful rough time. And she is still in my prayers. Along with that beautiful baby. I can't believe how fast time goes by, it seems like she just brought the baby home from the hospital. She must be growing like a weed.

Wishing you the most wonderful painfree and energetic day.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/11/2008 10:16 AM (GMT -7)   

Jeannie,

I am glad you have kicked that mask to the curb, I believe I see it sitting out there with my own mask.

Be yourself and never think for one minute that you are not worthy. I am glad you talked to your hubby too.

You know we are always here for you and love you dearly.

Gentle Hugs
Kitt


Jeannie143
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 6056
   Posted 10/11/2008 6:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Was watching some TV while I "played in the icing" last night and there was a show about the end of the world, geologically speaking, not Armageddon. The narrator pointed out that long before the earth disappears the sun will be a big red dwarf star and everything will be turned to cinders on our planet. Of course this is billions of years in the future but it gave me the most powerful insight!

Today while doing my deliveries and driving along the beautiful roads bordered by trees that are turning color I realized that everything that we value that's material is gonna burn up some day... The pyramids, precious gems and metals, endangered animals, Michaelangelo's sculpture of David, the Grand Canyon... And for some reason that little bubble inside, the fizzy, happy one popped up and said, "Don't worry... enjoy! Ashes to ashes and dust to dust." It just seemed like a way to short circuit my 'worry-sad-anxiety-worry' cycle. It gave me a light, carefree feeling for that long drive to the reception hall. It's a new perspective for me. I haven't looked at things from another perspective, other than under the snake's belly, in a while. I'm gonna hang on to this and remember it. Maybe it will help...?
~ Jeannie, Forum Moderator/Diabetes & Fibromyalgia
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. ~Mother Teresa

"People are like stained glass windows: They sparkle and shine when the sun's out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light within."- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/12/2008 7:58 AM (GMT -7)   

Jeannie,

I am so glad you saw that show on TV and you are so right on.  We need to stay in the moment and look around at all the beauty right in front of us everyday.

I admire you so much with your ability to bake and decorate cakes.  The delivering would do me in as I would surely have a cake sliding all over in my car, and then I would probably drop it on the way into the hall. smhair

Take care my Friend,

Kitt


 

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 10/12/2008 9:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitt,

Have you ever seen any pictures of Jeannies cakes? they are in her profile. You would be amazed at the beautiful work that she does. Take a look if you havent' already. They are gorgeous. And so huge, and decorative. It is awesome.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Jeannie143
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 6056
   Posted 10/12/2008 8:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Karen,
You are so silly, you make me blush! blush Cakes aren't that difficult. Just takes practice. And they aren't difficult to deliver either. The layers go in the fridge to cool down after icing then they get hard, like butter. I deliver them in pieces and stack them at the hall. If you passed "blocks" in kindergarten you can stack a cake! Put on a ribbon, sprinkle with edible glitter, pipe a border and Voilá! You have a cake! It's not like it's brain surgery or teaching school. I could teach you in two weeks to do what I do. And as I tell the brides... it's just dessert! Doesn't make 'em any more or less married! LOL!

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 10/13/2008 5:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Yes Jeannie,

But yours are masterpieces. They are so beautiful. The detail is so interesting. I did some cake decorating when I worked in a bakery once. I wasn't bad at it. But never did the wedding cakes. I helped deliver them though. We had to be so careful.

I use to watch the girl who did them. They sure looked like a lot of work to me. Maybe she wasn't as good at it as you. But I saw yours and they were gorgeous. So let me brag about you some. I hope that Kitt got to see them, she would say the same as me. Fabulous!

I know that it is hard work, usually a time limit on that, though I am sure that you have that all figured out. You probably make sure to give yourself enough time to get them done so that you don't have to rush anything.

You must have a big freezer to keep everything in and plenty of room to work, and I imagine that you have a big oven to bake them in. I miss it. Like I say I did the more simple ones. I did learn a lot though. I couldn't probably remember it all though. I miss the bakery work. I use to go in early to fill donuts. It was nice because I got out so early, I had my day left still.

Take care,
Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Jeannie143
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 6056
   Posted 10/14/2008 10:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Now I'll really give you something to laugh about... My licensed bakery is in my home and it's a 9' by 11' converted bedroom. I have one regular oven and one regular fridge. Never freeze the cakes, make them crumble and sometimes the icing bubbles as they warm up. I work alone and often late at night when the phones stop ringing. I could never cut it in a regular bakery with my fibro. I sit in a draftman's chair at my high counters and roll around on wheels in my tiny workspace. Works for me!
~ Jeannie, Forum Moderator/Diabetes & Fibromyalgia
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. ~Mother Teresa

"People are like stained glass windows: They sparkle and shine when the sun's out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light within."- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40601
   Posted 10/15/2008 5:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Jeannie,

Whatever works. The bakery workspace I had was smaller than that, though the ovens were in another room also the coolers were. but our work area was small. It was private though so we could do our thing. I really miss it, but had to get up at three in the morning to get there.

You still create masterpieces in my eyes.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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