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Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 67
   Posted 10/10/2008 2:10 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello, My name's Michelle. I've been a member since May of 08`
I use to part of the BiPolar Forum but I was misdignosed.
Recently I've been through ALOT. In August of 08` my Mom decided to kick me out the house. Now, my Mother has always kicked me in and out of the house since I was 15 but this time I'm 18 and even though I'm still in highschool it was legal. I ended up moving in with my cousin, her husband, and their 3 kids. I also started dating someone this summer before my Mom kicked me out and I now live 5 minutes away from him. [Luckily I live about an hour and a half away from my Mom] So, I started a new school during my senior year and it was terrible. None of the other students talk to me the teachers aren't very caring and I just didn't like it. I'm an honor roll student and because of the environment and all the stress I was still able to do my work but unable to remain in school for the whole day. I hurt myself about two weeks ago - I was very depressed and wasn't taking my medicine on a daily basis. The day I hurt myself I went to the hospital. Two days later I hurt myself again but more drastically. So, I went to a mental hospital called Carrier. I just got out yesterday. I was in there for six days. Now, going to the hospital is something I never thought I would have to do and not the first thing I would wish to do. But, I'm glad I went. Going to the hospital really gave me a wake up call. I always knew that there were others out there going through similar or worse situtations than myself but it never really hit me til I went to Carrier. While at the hospital I learn some new coping skills that really work for me, which is GREAT. I also began taking my medicine regulary and it's helping alot. When I came home everyone was very supportive, my cousin, her husband, the kids, my in home therapist, my CMO worker, and my boyfriend.
My only real issue now is that I'm still very much depressed and I'm alot more sensitive to what people say to me. :/
I do go to my cousin when I start to get depressed or upset and it helps but I just can't help but feel something inside me is missing. Like I have a huge whole inside me.
My boyfriend also has Major Depression but he shows his depression in different ways and handles it differently than I do. Since, I've been home he's been making jokes to try and cheer me up but they just make me sad. Also, he's lied to me. Before I left for Carrier I had asked him if he would write down at night, for every night I was away, how he felt that day and what changes he wants to see happen and what changes he's started to make. When I got home he told me he wrote them but couldn't find them. Later last night I called him and talked to him for a little bit and he told me he had found them. Today, I called him and asked him if he'd like to come over and asked if he'd bring the papers, that's when he told me he never wrote anything.
My boyfriend lies alot. He knows he does it and he says he wants to stop but he says he can't. It worries me but I'm trying not to focus on his problems because I feel I need to focus more on myself first.
We use to spend EVERY second of EVERY day together. Since I've got out the hospital I've decided with the help of my cousin and therapist that we both need to spend less time together and more time with ourselves.
I don't know. I'm just very confussed and I kinda don't know where to go from here.
major depression
welbutrin XL

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40406
   Posted 10/10/2008 3:36 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Michelle,

I think that you are smart on working on yourself. And I think your boyfriend should work on himself also. I have trouble with people who lie all of the time. I don't waste my time with that. You never know if he is telling you the truth, how do you deal with that? It would drive me crazy.

Keep on working on you. That is the most important thing. Love yourself and be good to yourself. You deserve that much. Everything else will fall into place for you if you take care of yourself first.

Best wishes for a lovely day.

Hugs, Karen...
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 67
   Posted 10/10/2008 3:41 PM (GMT -6)   
well he always admits to me that he lied and it's usually about little things, so it doesn't drive me crazy. i'm going to continue working on myself and he's going to do the same.
major depression
welbutrin XL

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 49
   Posted 10/10/2008 9:45 PM (GMT -6)   
Michelle - I'm also 18, I've just started college. I also have depression, along with anxiety and possibly bipolar since I have some hypomania. I've been to the hospital too - three times. I felt the same way when I left the hospitals, about being a bit more sensitive to things. For me it was because I felt like everyone knew why I went (I went to a very small Lutheran high school, around 600 kids in the school). Though that may have been the anxiety kicking in, I'm not sure if you deal with anxiety or not. But I admire your determination to turn your life around. You seem like you have a great support group for you. Make sure to talk to them whenever you're feeling depressed or if you want to hurt yourself. If no one's around if you're feeling like that, I'd call a hotline and find someone to talk to. Like a local crisis hotline - I did that once, and they were very helpful. Talking is one of the best ways to deal with this and to get better.

about your boyfriend - I may not know much about boyfriends since I technically haven't had one yet, but I'd take a break from him while you're trying to heal. That way you can both get your lives back on track, and when you both are better things will be a lot better. I would talk to him about the lying though - lying can get very serious.

I feel like we can relate well, since we've been through similar situations. If you ever need anything, feel free to send me a message anytime. :)
I’m lonely; gotta look for a party
And dance with somebody tonight
Cuz I’m lonely; I feel empty inside
Can’t you make me feel alive?

- I | N |S | O | M | N | I | A -

“Insomnia” - the Veronicas

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/11/2008 11:32 AM (GMT -6)   

Good Morning and Welcome to HealingWell,

You have received some great support from the members. 

A relationship is built on trust and a chronic liar is not someone you will feel secure with.  I am so glad you are working on you and yes he needs to work on him.  Remember you cannot change someone else, you can only change you.

Take Care




Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 489
   Posted 10/14/2008 2:57 AM (GMT -6)   
I also hurt myself back in Jan. (very badly).I was not on any meds. at the time and I cant beleave the diffrence it makes in the way I feel.I wish that I would have started taking them 6 years please take them every day.I dont know how so many of you try to work on your problems and your partners also.I have a hard enuff time just working on me.Please remember that you can not change anyone but yourself and at this time of your life that you need to take care of yourself first.You have to come first right now and it might be along time tell that changes.We only end up hurting the people that we love untel we get the depression under control and learn to love areselfs again.
Lost half of my small intestine, Nerve damage to right leg,part of my right hip bone removed,hernia,infection in my back called discites,and depression

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