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Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 10/15/2008 2:38 AM (GMT -7)   
I am so confused I don't even know how I can put this in an order that people will be able to understand! I think my relationship might be about to end.  I have been seeing my boyfriend for 18 months now & it has been a bit of a rollercoaster but I am head over heels in love with him I really am, so for the last couple of months things have improved tho at times we still seem to be completely incompatible.
 
Anyway we were on holiday about 2 weeks ago & I said to him jokingly when we were talking about our different interests "i guess we are incompatible really!" I was joking, but he said he knew we were and that we needed to talk about it.  So we had a little talk about how neither of us were really making each other happy, but said we'd have a proper talk when we got home.  Anyway since then things have deteriorated to the point where we are bickering over the smallest, stupidest of things & where I feel like he is constantly irritated with me.
 
It is tiring me out so so much. I am sick of crying & being upset & arguing or defending myself all the time. Generally tho, he is such a lovely guy & makes me really happy - but there is always a doubt in my mind if it can really work.
 
So tonight we are going to talk, I have a lot to say about different things & I am sure he has too, but basically the real dilemma here is that my heart is telling me that I am passionately head over heels in love with this guy, that I want to spend the rest of my life with him & my head is telling me to walk away. I feel that I can't live without him - but I can't live with him either!  I think he feels the same about me!
 
I am crying now even just writing this - coz the thought of leaving him or him leaving me is so hard ( & i'm at work!!! Good job I have my own office to hide in, lol) I just don't know what the future is anymore & i feel scared and lost!!
 
Li
Confusedli
 
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."
 
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"


manonfire
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 10/15/2008 2:56 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm really sorry to hear about your boyfriend.

What I'm about to say is the truth, because being a guy I've done this to a girl before, but it's probably not going to be what you want to hear.

I've had the same problem. Things are going great, relationship is wonderful. You feel great, can't wait to talk to that special someone. After a while, I don't know what happened, there were little things that just added up. Eventually I got fed up with her. I couldn't stand looking at her, I was irritated every time I saw her.

She thought the world of me and I broke her heart, and I'm not even sure why.

I think this is what he is feeling. I think maybe you should give him a little space and time. When you think you're about to start bickering, just stop, think, and move on. Try being extra nice to him.

If things don't change, I'm not sure if it's the right relationship for you.

Again, I'm sorry this probably won't help ease your mind too much. But believe me, it's the right course of action.

If you need someone to talk to I'm 19 from wisconsin, and my aim is manonfire55555

Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 10/15/2008 3:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for your reply ManonFire,

I think your right to some extent. I think he does feel irritated by me, because once I get something in to my head I can be very irritating I guess! But I do think he genuinely loves me & does want to make the relationship work.

I think I do need to give him a bit of space & time tho. I have just spoken to him & we were meant to talk tonight, but he has to work late so we are going to leave it until the weekend & relax tonight instead.

I do sometimes think that it isn't the right relationship for me, and I feel ashamed to admit it tho, but I honestly think that if we did split up I don't know what I would do. I feel that I would fall to pieces!! and I've never thought that before, when I've split up with other guys I've been kind of indifferent, but this time I think I would be devestated!! and I don't like to think of myself as the sort of person who would go to pieces over a guy!
Confusedli
 
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."
 
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"


manonfire
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 10/15/2008 4:00 AM (GMT -7)   
confused

there is never a person out there made for you. That is what relationships are for, to build that love between two people. Eventually you forget each others flaws and you learn to love them for it. If you feel this way about this guy, you should never give up on him. And if you are to be together forever I'm sure he feels the same way. Just think about your life, and try not to take this relationship too seriously. Do something fun. Go out on a date and have a blast.

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40565
   Posted 10/15/2008 5:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Confusedli,

I think that when the time comes and the two of you talk, things will work out for the best. I, myself, can't picture you two breaking up. But that is something only time will tell. Whatever happens, I wish you the best and I know that you will survive. You are a really strong person, who is loving and kind. You will be fine.

Manonfire,

Welcome to the depression forum. I am glad that you have stopped in to join us and look forward to more of your posts. If you haven't already, check out the introduction thread. Tell us a little about yourself. Or whenever you feel like, start one of your own. Either way, we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 10/15/2008 7:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there,

Relationships are notoriously difficult to sort out because people usually have 2 different feelings (Like you do), and while people are listening to the on going battle between their heart and their brain, most people forget about their gut. From personal experience, it doesnt matter what my heart / mind have said, my gut has always lead me right.

Sitting down and talking about this with your partner is a good thing. At least you and your partner are prepared to try and sort this out. But while your talking about it, listen out for your gut reaction. What's the instinct you have? To stay or walk? Instincts are sub-concious and are not clouded or biased by thoughts, opinions, wishes or desires. They just deal in fact.

I know this sounds very far fetched but read it a few times and see what you think

Darren
Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
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Jeannie143
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 6056
   Posted 10/15/2008 10:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Don't know if this will help but I'll tell you what's worked for me for 35 years of marriage.

-Love wants what is best for the Beloved.

-Marriage and relationships are like a team of horses. Sometimes one does more work than the other but you need to try to keep in step or you will go off course. This requires cooperation and isn't learned overnight.

-Anything worth having is worth fighting for so learn to fight fair. Example:
(wrong way) "You always stop after work and have a drink with the guys/gals! You don't call, you just do what you want."
(say what you really mean)" I look forward to seeing you at the end of the day. When you don't show up, first I'm disappointed, then I feel forgotten and abandoned. When I don't hear from you I feel ignored, then I'm afraid that maybe you have been in an accident and are dead in the ditch somewhere."

"Do you really want me to feel disappointed, forgotten, abandoned, ignored and afraid? I know these are my feelings and you are not responsible for my feelings, but it's difficult to make them positive when I'm feeling sad already about us."

Don't be surprised if he is shocked at your feelings. He may have no clue as to how you feel because you may have been using the wrong communication style. He may also tell you how he feels, such as:

"When I have to report in to you after work it makes me feel like a little kid, calling home for permission to relax." or something to that effect. If you explain your feelings you will make more headway than if you try to keep score about who is right or wrong. Hope this helps.
~ Jeannie, Forum Moderator/Diabetes & Fibromyalgia
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. ~Mother Teresa

"People are like stained glass windows: They sparkle and shine when the sun's out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light within."- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross


Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 10/16/2008 2:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for your replies - Darren - I like what you said about listening to my gut, Its easy to forget your instincts when there are so many other thoughts & feelings clamouring for attention! I will listen out for them!!
Confusedli
 
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."
 
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/16/2008 8:27 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Confused,

Great advice.  These members are awesome.

How about if you take a break from each other for a bit,  you both need space and it might give you insite as to how you really feel about him.  Is it being alone that scares you or is it being without him?

My 2 cents this morning...Judge with your mind, not your heart and Remember the good times but don't forget the not so  good.

My wish for you is peace.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt

 


Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 10/16/2008 10:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kitt,
 
I think a bit of space is a good idea!! I might try it, tho we hav plans together this weekend, after that tho yeah!  I don't know what my mind wants tho!!  i think i will hav 2 make sum time 2 listen!
Confusedli
 
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."
 
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"

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