Hey im shane (a girl called shane...yes!!)
and im new!!
today i finally got the courage together to go to the doctor and ask for some help.
and i think i ended up depressed due to my 'pretend its ok and then it will be ok' attitude. and so for more than a year and a half i have been miserable.
So i finally went to the doctor because i was sick of feeling terrible all the time and needed to tell someone so i could "fix" it.
however, one of the reasons that i took so long to go to the doctor was because of the anti-depressants.
i have an addictive personality, so i disgustingly hang on to my cigarettes as though i would die without them. and im not happy, but content with that, because i know that if its not cigarrettes it would have been alcohol, and if not alcohol it would have been something else...
im scared that the anti-deps that my doctor has prescribed be will lead to me being dependant on them.
ive been reading through the HealingWell forum for a couple of days and secretly printing info off at work (i work in a pharmacy) and im scared of the sideaffects and possible withdrawl i would face if/when i tried to stop taking them.
(oh yeah, the doctor prescribed Lexapro for me)
he told me to start taking half a tablet per day and then next time i see him (in a week) he will decide if he will increase my dose.
but my lexapro is still sitting in my handbag, waiting for me to take it.
i've heard that it doesnt only help you, but it can make you feel even weaker and 'out of it' - as though your not in your own body, as though you can feel that its controling your brain and your not.... but there is so much information that i dont know what to believe.
i think i want to take them tho.......
my boyfriend has been really supportive of me through this time, and i know that he is against anti-depressants (for his own valid personal reasons) but im scared that he won't like that i want to at least try the lexapro. i feel like ive made him put up with so much for so long and some how i feel guilty for wanting to take them. even though i know i should try....
i dont know....but i wont know if i never try....right?????