Fell in Love and now I'm more miserable

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behindtheseeyes00987
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 10/19/2008 8:26 PM (GMT -7)   
I've been going out with a close friend of mine. We're not "official" but we go out sometimes. It's been declared by both of us that we like each other and we fool around whenever we're alone.
I haven't told him-but I fell in love with him. But sometimes I want to smack him because sometimes he ignores me and pretends he's not interested and ditches me for his guy friends.
I don't know what to think...
 
I find myself thinking about nothing but him now. I'm so distracted. I've fallen behind in school, I've been binge eating like crazy, and just not being myself. I'm so mad at him but still so in love with him and I can't snap out of it.
I turned down a couple of nice guys who wanted to date me because I'm in this semi-relationship that is going nowhere.
 
I'm so miserable I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I wish he would stop ignoring me. How can I stop thinking about him and concentrate on school and life again?
 
-Depressed-
-Daily Migraine Headaches-
-Chronic Pain-
Daily Amitriptyline
 
"Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."
 
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 10/20/2008 5:16 AM (GMT -7)   
You just have to get your priorities straight. Keep your own life with friends.

What happened between you and your ex? Did he move out? How did that go?

Try to keep your schooling and work top priority. Take it seriously. If you can, start meditation, that helps you focus your mind on the most important things. I bet once he sees you actually do have a life of your own, he will be more interested. But you can't fault him for having his own life, you should do the same. That is healthy in a relationship.

What about the other guys that want to go out with you? If you are only in a semi relationship, you should be able to date other guys. That alone will probably change him. Is he the guy that you were talking to at work? Are you trying to replace your ex with him? That doesnt' always work. Tell us more, I want to make sure that I have this straight.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 10/20/2008 7:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there,

Guys are not great at being socially romantic (In general... I know there are some people out there who are real Casanovas!). I think this calls for a serious chat to iron out all the creases in the relationship/semi-relationship (However you wish to define it). If you cant get him to commit to a half hour conversation, chances are he is not interested. Imagine what life would be like being committed to a person who is not committed to you.

Darren
Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
"A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if your not enough without it, you will never be enough with it." - Irvine Blitzer (John Candy) in Cool Runnings
 
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behindtheseeyes00987
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 10/20/2008 10:59 AM (GMT -7)   
hey. thanks for your advice. i know youre moderators so youre obligated to repsond to me, but still i appreciate the help i did get. im going to start concentrating on the life i once had more now.
-Depressed-
-Daily Migraine Headaches-
-Chronic Pain-
Daily Amitriptyline
 
"Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."
 
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 10/20/2008 12:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey BTE,

We respond to you because we want to. We aren't obligated to respond to anybody. We only have to moniter the forum and watch for inappropriate post and spam. So we want to respond. I hope that my post didn't come off sounding like I felt obligated, if it did, I am sorry.

I just wanted to make sure that I understood everything. And I am happy that you are going to work on your own issues. I know that you are going to school and I am assuming that you are working too. You sound very busy and that is good for you. But I think that you are right in wanting to keep your priorities straight, the rest falls into place.

Please keep posting, we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/20/2008 2:03 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey there, BTE,

We are not obligated to post to every single post on the boards, in fact if all we did was monitor the forums, welcome people  and keep the members safe we are doing our job.

However most of the moderators love meeting the members and helping them because we want to sweetie. Please don't assume our posts are not honest and genuine.

You posted "I've been going out with a close friend of mine. We're not "official" but we go out sometimes."

I guess in my mind the word "official" says it all.  He may not consider you the love of his life but a good friend and he is not willing to spend all his time with you.

He also does not know how you feel about him and it is hard to guess what is in someones mind.  Talk to him and be ready for him to not want an official relationship.

Keep on with your studies.

Gentle Hugs to you

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
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behindtheseeyes00987
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 10/21/2008 8:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Ok
Thank you.
 
If anyone is wondering, I'm feeling a little better but at the same time, not really. I haven't talked to this boy in a few days which makes me feel like I have control of a normal life again, but at the same time I'm sad because I think he's lost interest.
-Depressed-
-Daily Migraine Headaches-
-Chronic Pain-
Daily Amitriptyline
 
"Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."
 
 


NightWish
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 129
   Posted 10/22/2008 10:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi eyes,

Oh my goodness I just went through this myself so I feel like I have to offer you my opinion and advice! Actually, I must be going through some kind of bad karma, because there have been so many times I thought I was starting a relationship with a guy, when really, he just wanted to make out! Not to offend any men on this forum, but from my perspective, girls are more emotional about physical intimacy. We think a kiss means "I love you," or at least "I want to date you." But some guys just view the "relationship" as a friends with benefits/no strings attached situation. If this guy isn't giving you the attention you deserve, and causing you this much stress, I would end things immediately and start accepting those dates from guys who are looking for a possible relationship! You deserve to be treated with love and respect. Don't settle for anything less.

Just to make sure I keep all my male friends on this forum...:-) I do realize some girls play games too and that not all men take advantage of girls this way. But sometimes, I think guys think girls are on the same page about what a relationship is or isn't because there's a huge lack of communication about what the other person is or isn't looking for.

NW

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/23/2008 6:51 AM (GMT -7)   

Good Morning BTE,

I am glad to hear you are a bit better but still sad.  NightWish gave you great advice.  Remember you deserve respect and you are a good person. 

I think perhaps you are feeling more depressed right now after the break up with your other b/f.  Don't try so hard, just let it happen and it will. Work on your self esteem and remember you are a fun and interesting person.  When you accept a date just go with the flow and don't look at the date as your new b/f but just a date.

Keep your standards high and know we are all here to encourage you.

We support you.

Hugs

Kitt

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