Post Edited (Lost hope) : 10/24/2008 11:18:08 AM (GMT-6)
Welcome to HealingWell and you will find many wonderful and caring members here to support you and care about you. I agree with Karen that right now your priority is to seek out help for yourself, learn how to deal with your feelings of loss and abandoment and be able to look at the big picture to see how this relationship all fell apart.
Remember you cannot change another person only yourself. You need to find a new therapist that you have a trust relationship with and one that does not tell you what you have done wrong but works with you to identify what your problems are and how you can heal.
I am glad you have talked with a crisis center and always remember to use them.
You life can be good but give yourself plenty of time to work through this.
Keep talking to us.
Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression& GERD Forums*~*
You are giving this lady way to much credit. You found strength and motivation you never knew you had while you were with her. She cannot take that with her. You still have it but your pain is blocking you from finding it.
Keep going to the AA meetings and do not let what has happened throw you back into the drinking. Go to as many meetings as you can and have coffee.
Talk to yourself telling yourself you are worthy and this will pass. You have great things to do yet in your life. Do not give up, we are all here to help you.
Take care and stay in the moment, leave the past where it is, there is no going back to change anything. Be strong........I know you can do this.
Thanks for the replys..
I`m still hanging on, but I gotta be honest with ya...
every day that goes by that I cant even get a phone call..I`m getting more and more angry..and I`m honestly having thoughts of very bad things...
I love this girl more then anything in this world, and have told her that..I`ve also told her how it would destroy me, if she ever just up and left without giving me/US a chance to work out whatever the problem was...she re-asured me time and time again, I have nothing to worry about, and before she ever just took off, she`d talk to me....
I ask her within the last day or two before she left how she was feeling, and if she was happy with me..i also asked her if she has had any thoughts of not being together ect.. and she said no, I love you, and I`m not going anywhere...
then the next thing ya know....my life/heart is totally shattered....
I could never do this to someone knowing how bad i would be hurting them...its just not right..
I agree with Karen. Life does keep moving when we have lost loved ones for whatever reason. So are you just going to give up? NO, you find a new counselor, one that you have a trust relationship with and you start putting yourself back together.
You are in the middle of a whole group of people who have survived.
When you fight and resist the way your life is, you create a state of fear and upset that destroys your effectiveness and almost always makes your situation worse.
You close down inside. You lose your ability to see clearly. You get tunnel vision, and you interact in a way that destroys love and creates opposition and resistance against yourself.
When you get upset, you think that the upset is caused by what happened, but this is never the case. Upsets are not caused by what happened. Upsets are caused by fighting and resisting what happened.
Post Edited (Lost hope) : 11/1/2008 11:29:19 PM (GMT-6)
Good Morning AL,
I am going to keep this short..............you have depression and your friend has depression. Neither of you caused the other ones disorder but each of you must seek to work on yourselves and some day you may both be well enough to try again.
For now let her be so she can find out who she is and what she needs to do to get bettter.
You did not stop her from going to an AA meeting and besides that is in the past.
You need to keep going to AA and a counselor if you have one. Work on you, not her and quit with the beating yourself up..............it has not done you anygood.
Get back together with your buddies at work and talk and enjoy the company. You need to stop the "stinkin thinkin" Kick it to the curb for the street sweepers.
No more sitting around feeling sad.............get up and get moving, one step at a time.
I wish you peace.