Welcome to HealingWell. I am sorry you are in a bad spot right now. Could you provide a bit more info. When you say you want your wife to be happy are you planning on leaving her so that she can be happy?
You said you don't want to be there anymore so are you planning on moving on by yourself and working on changing you?
There are many group therapy opportunties out there. Your physician should be able to find one for you to attend. It would do you good to be able to talk with others and learn how to deal with your depression.
There is no shame in being told you will have depression for the rest of your life, I have been told that too but that does not mean you cannot learn to cope and learn to love you first. You can only change you and I sense that is what you want to do.
Keep on talking to us. It is the weekend and sometimes it is a bit quiet here on the weekend.
Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression& GERD Forums*~*
thanks for the uplifting message. since you posted several days ago i have started lexapro and continue with wellbutrin and those two seem to be working ( controlling my crying episodes and lifting my spirits). unfortunately one of my bad characteristics is i tend to hold onto things, memories, emotions, etc. so me forgiving myself is a loooong way off. as i stated before i do have a plan to better myself and so far it seems to be working. my 14 y/o son, who absolutely wanted nothing to do with me, is slowly coming back and opening up to me and my ex-wife and i have a good open relationship. i know she is still seething inside about my actions over the last 17 years, especially this past summer, but for the kids sake, we are doing things in a family atmosphere. attend church together, dinner together, shop together etc. and i still don't know how to show my appreciation to her for allowing me to spend as much time at the house and around the kids and her. any other wife probably would have shut out the husband. i do have a question, could i be going through a phase in which i still love my ex-wife because i'm now alone or could it be that eventhough we had a disinigrating marriage and several times i wanted to leave, that i do and still am in love her? when i see her all i want to do is giver her a hug and not let go. i don't want to do that and ruin what we have now. any suggestions as what i could be going through?