How do change when it has been so long????

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New Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 10/27/2008 6:29 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey everyone
This is the first time in my life that I have been honest with myself. Two reason that I need to change my life once and for all and second because I am online anthd no one know me. So I am just going to put it all out there and hope that I get some good feedback. Sorry for spelling or grammer errors.
Age 26 and have spent my life lieing to people (even my parents) so they don't have to see me as faliure. I have tried to change in the pass even gone to the doctor and been on anti depperision tablets for a 12 months and I even convince him that I was fine. Tonight when I was driving home from work there was a question ask on the radio. When was the last time I was proud of myself" and being truthful to myself I can say never.
I have had a lot of jobs in my time like a 3 year. I work their for a few month then think that I deserve better so I leave no I work out not in a fit of rage just work out. I reason with myself by saying that it will be fine and you have made the right choice.
Same thing applies to my friends I lie to them because I don't wont them to find out about the true me so after some time the get sick of the lies and move on. I say to myself well they were not a true freind because they did not stay around. I blame them for my actions so I don't have to blame myself. So no one knows the true me...
I am fat and overweight. Same thing as above I start a diet, walking and even loseing weight like 2 kg a week but then it gets all to hard and I walk away, find excuses not to do it like have to work ect, ect.
I seem to spend so much time controling and managing this fake person I never and don't listen to myself. This life has cost be so much so far but I am tied of it all, like everything else in my life I just wont to walk away (no a going to jump off a brige or anything) I have spent my life running from things when they get to hard I take the easy way out. An example of this is that I don't paid my bills at all I put my head in the sand and don't deal with it. Things got to a point and my mother was taking my wage off every week to paid off my debt. Because I live with my head in clouds and spend my that I don't have I did not like this at all. I stole money off my employer $300 so we are not talking about the bank of england here, but not only cause me to lose my job and the public display of going in their to have to paid it back, but I went to court and everything.....
What I am saying I am everything that I don't wont to be... The person I wont be is a honest, relible, popular and driven person and not a lieing, cheating, using person who can't change for all the tea in china. SO what I am saying is someone please help SOS!!!!!
Hope this works confused

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 10/27/2008 6:40 AM (GMT -6)   

I think you need to take control of your own life, I know it can be very hard to change things, but you need to try. What you could do is write a list of what you want to change about your life, then think of a small target which is acheivable and start working towards that goal, when you reach it set another small goal. and gradually you will start moving forwards.

I think sometimes we spend so much time being someone that we aren't that we layer and layer over our true personality and it becomes easy to forget who we truly are. I think you need to start trying to be yourself & then when you do find yourself you need to learn to love yourself becasue there is a lot of negativity towards yourself in your post.

Have you tried counselling? It sounds to me like you could do with someone totally non judgemental to talk to, so maybe counselling would be a good idea?

"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"

Post Edited (Confusedli) : 10/27/2008 6:21:36 AM (GMT-6)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 10/27/2008 7:06 AM (GMT -6)   
Heej Hope!

Welcome to HW! Li already gave you some great advice, and I totally agree with her.

The lying.... I have to admit that I have plenty of experience with that too. I used to lie to everyone, for the same reasons as you. I always thought I needed to do everything right, and everyone needed to love me, else I did something wrong and failed. That led to creating webs of lies and deceit that were doomed to collapse right from the start. And collapsed they did. But I am rather glad for that, since it woke me up and made me aware of my own lies, as it did with you (else you wouldn't be posting here :-) ).

Nowadays, I still tell lies, but there are most of the time harmless. I trained myself to become aware every time I would think of a lie. Awareness that I used to think about the consequences. When I lie now, I never regret it, since it is thoroughly thought over (though I try not to lie in the first place, don't get me wrong).

Maybe you could do something similar. Tell yourself that from now on you will try not to lie anymore, at least not all the time. Sometimes a lie slips through, but that is not something you should punish yourself for. Rather compliment yourself when you blocked a lie from coming through. Feeling bad because you blame yourself or someone is always useless, being aware in a non-judgemental way is enough.

Maybe you also struggle with your looks and the way other people are seeing you. A fact is, some people will tell bad stuff about you, because the way you look, the way you are, etc. This ain't a bad thing, unless you make it a bad thing. It just happens, and in the end it is nothing more than a choice whether you feel bad and try to gain their favour, or accept their opinions and live on without the hassle and negativity.

I found a quote from a 14 or 15 year old I believe, it goes like this:
"Nothing changes until something changes"
Pretty dull at first, but so much truth is in there. If you want to change from a lie-er to a honest person, change is needed. Running away all the time can be a solution, but it will consume way more energy than to change, believe me. Only the energy needed at the very start of your transformation is way more than to run away, and we humans tend to pick the easy and immediately beneficial way instead of the harder road that will take you to an even better place.

Ow, and last but not least, about the proud question. There is nothing wrong with not having anything to be proud of. I believe it is even better not to have anything, because pride is something identity-amplifying, it gives you reason to be alive, to be you. I think it is wrong to need a reason to be alive, since you simply are alive. However, for some people pride is a solid foundation on which they build there lives, and I am totally OK with that. But personally I find being grateful for being able to do the action, rather than taking pride in it, is a way more peaceful way to cope with it. As for that question, even before I discovered this philosophy, I never felt pride either (though I wanted to be proud of something back then).

I hope this long story somewhat helps you Hope!
Acceptance is the key

Existential depression and Insecurity

Try to keep smiling! :)

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40405
   Posted 10/27/2008 11:42 AM (GMT -6)   

First of all I want to welcome you to the depression forum. I too think that you have gotten some very good advice from Erik and Li. So I don't have a lot to add.

Please feel free to post as needed and we will be there to help you. I also want to recommend counseling. You could use an objective person to listen to you. You are not a bad person, you just need to find yourself. We can help you with that.

Take care of yourself, and keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/27/2008 5:15 PM (GMT -6)   

Hello and Welcome to HealingWell.  You have received some great input from the members.  FIrst of all I feel you need to start with pulling your head out of the sand and living in the land of the living.  This is about you and only you can fix how you react and behave.  So let's get you started.

Start with a check up with your physician and make this the first time you talk eye to eye and tell the whole truth.  You need counseling and you have to deal with that.  Talk to your physician about what will be a good idea for you.

Find yourself in all this mess and you will feel so much better.

Take Care


Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

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