Seeing Red and Lashing Out...

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x-princess-x-elmo-x
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 10/28/2008 6:25 AM (GMT -7)   
mad cry My mum died of cancer just under 6 years ago, (I was 12 at the time) I am finding it extreamly hard to cope lately as I have held in my grief since I lost her. I seem to need to chat to someone the second I feel depressed and down otherwise I explode and lash out at everyone around me. If I feel depressed and someone can't find a way to motivate me, I can't motivate myself. I have had a number of people giving me things to do like "writing good things about myself" or "writing down my feelings and emotions" but I can't seem to do that when angered. If my dad (etc) walk off and leave me to calm down, I become paranoid that I am being ignored as if I was invisable, which again, makes me worse. Is there anyway that I can STOP myself from lashing out and exploding as I am hurting too many people and am worsening the situation? cry mad

The more you believe, the stonger your beliefs!
Live your life to the full, as you never know what is around the corner!
x-princess-x-elmo-x


enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 10/28/2008 6:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Heej Princess!

Although it might make you feel worse, I feel that I have to tell you the only one that can stop you from doing what you are doing is you. You are already posting here, so I believe you have the motivation to work on it, to make it stop. If you look at your situation from a rather objective view, like that of an alien, you can see what is happening. We humans tend to take the easy road, while that easy road lead us to ever more pain and suffering. See it as a road through a stinking swamp. With some effort though, we can climb the hillside next to the swamp. It is very steep at first, and will take a lot of energy and motivation to climb, but once we are up there, everything is so much easier. No more bad smells, dirty water, diseases. Instead pure mountain water and a wonderful view.

That is what life is about. Some dwell in the swamp all the time, some are born on the hills, and some are climbing the hills. Others can encourage you to continue climbing, but in the end your feet have to carry you up, your legs, your body, you. I hope this rather odd metaphor made things a bit clearer.

It is easy to blame others, feel self-pity etc. The hard part is the change. So maybe you could think of that whenever you feel angry. See yourself climbing the hill, and notice how you fall back in the swamp when you lose yourself in either rage, anger, or sadness. Trying to think of that every single time you feel negativity in you can help you to get aware of that, and it will teach you how to prevent it from happening again, so that you can climb higher and higher. Until you reached the solid plateau the Buddhists call "enlightenment". As you practise with the climbing, you will get stronger, and thus easier to do the next time. You will discover roads in the hillside that will take you up with less effort. They are already there, you just need to find them. Please bear in mind that you choose your own state of Being, and no matter how hard things might seem at a time, you choose whether to feel bad about them. This philosophy can be very discouraging, but it is mend to make you aware of the fact that you can choose for yourself to be happy. Realizing that can lead to everlasting happiness from within that doesn't depend on external factors like friends, or a new car, or food. Since things happen to change, happiness from within is a much more consistent source than the outside world.

I hope this long story helped a bit, I got a bit caught up in my hillside metaphor :).

All the best Princess!!!
Erik
Acceptance is the key

Existential depression and Insecurity

Try to keep smiling! :)


Confusedli
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 10/28/2008 6:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Princess,

I do struggle with stopping myself from lashing out at times also, basically you need to unlearn the behaviours that you have taught yourself to deal with your Mum's death, I think maybe you have used lashing out as a bit of a defense mechanism over the years to stop people getting to close to you. I think the main way of doing this is thinking before you speak - so much easier said than done!!! I guess your first thought to yourself needs to be " is this really worth it?"

Or what my boyfriend tells me to do when I'm angry with him over something that isn't worth fighting about is to lash out in my head! lol, he tells me to call him names amd argue with him in my head & then just forget about it, sometimes it works & sometimes it doesn't - I guess it depends how important it is!

I can't write anything when i'm angered either & i find it really difficult to let go of things once I have started, I guess the main thing is - that if you really struggle to stop yourself from lashing out is that you make sure you apologise after, as although the damage has been done, you are repearing some of it!

anyway not sure if this is of any help!!
Confusedli
 
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."
 
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"


x-princess-x-elmo-x
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 10/28/2008 7:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks guys... Yeah... It did help, Like before... I walked into the kitchen and opened my arms out to give my Dad a hug and say sorry... the thing is... when I bring myself down or last out... my Dad does the same, because it hurts him so much too. he lost my mum as well and doesn't want to loos me but I can't help it...

The reason the whole argument started was because I wasn't motivated to do anything and my dad was saying I could do things like dishes, or ironing and that was what was winding me up even more... I wasn't motivated and didn't know what I wanted, but he had things to do himself. I had to find a way to motivate myself. Coming on here and opening up to people and reading about there problems as well is one way where I will be motivated, but Dad isn't keen on me being on the PC and only lets me on here (it seems to me) when he can't cope with me anymore and needs me to carm down so HE can get on with things... I guess that is right but that is what I find hard
About Me: My mum died of cancer when I was 12, Don't get on with Dad and Sister, Held all my emotions, grief and feelings in for 6 years and now need to explode because I can't cope any longer!
 
The more you believe, the stonger your beliefs!
Live your life to the full, as you never know what is around the corner!
x-princess-x-elmo-x


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40567
   Posted 10/28/2008 5:01 PM (GMT 0)   
I am so happy that coming here is helping you. Keep up the good work my friend. You can overcome this. I think that if you continue to come here, you will feel better.

Best wishes to you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/28/2008 10:23 PM (GMT -7)   

x-princess-x-elmo-x
 
Hello and I am so glad you feel you have come to the right place to let out your feeligs. 

I know that going over and over something in my mind after it's happened doesn't do any good. It just makes it worse. I can actually inflate an event after the fact and then it causes me more anxiety than the actual event did. Anxiety causes me to lose my self esteem and then I am into depression.

There is something comforting about baring your soul to the members of Depression and still being able to be anonymous.

The wonderful members here have helped me through so much and I have a great deal to thank them for.

We are so happy to have you.

Hugs

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
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x-princess-x-elmo-x
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 10/29/2008 5:03 AM (GMT -7)   
I really enjoy knowingthat I can come on this site and express my emotions with others that I don't really know (the way that I best open up) but a problem with this is that my Dad believes I come on this site to help out others instead of myself. I have been to the doctor to sort out some form of councilling, but have been told that it is going to take between 12 to 15 weeks before I get anywhere with it. I speak to someone on www.kooth.com (a counciler there) but am only aloud to talk to them once a week and once a week isn't enough... I need to talk to someone more often but because Dad has a password for the internet which means I am limited to how ofter I come on here anyway, I can only talk on here at his say-so.
About Me: My mum died of cancer when I was 12, Don't get on with Dad and Sister, Held all my emotions, grief and feelings in for 6 years and now need to explode because I can't cope any longer!
 
The more you believe, the stonger your beliefs!
Live your life to the full, as you never know what is around the corner!
x-princess-x-elmo-x


enWayen
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 10/29/2008 5:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Heej Princess,

I thought I'd mentioned it before, but it there are ways other than the interwebs to communicate. First of all, you could check to see if there is anyone living near you that can be a help, or maybe a group. That might sound very challenging, but the truth is there are people that care and are willing to help, you just need to find them.
If that ain't an option, you can start using other media, like writing (hand-writing!), or if that is too slow, things like calling or texting. No internet needed for that.

Plus, you could explore other ways to express yourself. Arts are a great example. Depression is in fact a great source of inspiration for arts, and it can be a great help to transfer your emotion into something else. For me, music is the way to go, though I also write poems. I wish that I could draw, but I rather suck at that. Besides arts, things like exercise can work great to get the anger out. Use your anger and pain to keep you going and reach new levels of endurance. You will feel much better afterwards.

I wish you all the best!
Erik
Acceptance is the key

Existential depression and Insecurity

Try to keep smiling! :)


x-princess-x-elmo-x
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 10/29/2008 6:25 AM (GMT -7)   
The problem is that where I live, I have looked for any type of counsellers in the areas that I will be able to get to and nearly all that I have found (all apart from The Response Agency) have been private which we haven't got the moeny for! Other than that... The people that I would be able to talk to in the area (as in family-friends *adults*) have kids of there own and ain't always able to talk when I need to. I don't have friends that I can text, and feel that I can't open up to my family or friends anyway. If I feel depressed, I won't be in the mood to write anything, I don't like music, I ain't too good on my art, I don't even write poems anymore so I am in the dark there. As I said on another topic, since my mum died, I have been saying I want to go back swimming as it would give me something to keep my mind off my depression, but Dad siad it may be a good idea to go to a different baths as I wouldn't have any memories, but there ain't many places around here I could go to. Or even with the gym, I am too depressed and not motivated, so I haven't got a job, not in college, and have no money coming in so I can't go the gym anyway... I am going to this Response Agency now to hopefully talk to someone for a bit... but I just can't help lashing out still... its just making me worse and I REALLY need help x x cry
About Me: My mum died of cancer when I was 12, Don't get on with Dad and Sister, Held all my emotions, grief and feelings in for 6 years and now need to explode because I can't cope any longer!
 
The more you believe, the stonger your beliefs!
Live your life to the full, as you never know what is around the corner!
x-princess-x-elmo-x

Post Edited (x-princess-x-elmo-x) : 10/29/2008 7:29:20 AM (GMT-6)

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